As Nathan walked onto the porch he looked across at Kristin's chair. Vaguely, through the early-morning dark he could make out her figure curled tightly into a ball and facing away from him.  Pulling his robe tighter around his body to ward away the night-time chill Nathan gently sat down into his own chair accompanied by the slight squeak of wicker.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly.  The only response he got was a little sniffle from the woman in the chair.  "Kris, it's alright," he said in a soothing voice.  This time she shifted some but made no sound.  Nathan shook his head a little and moved over to the love seat next to the screen so that he could look at her more easily.  "Kris, honest, it's okay."

"No it's not," she said quietly, sniffling again.

"Yes, it is," he said gently.  "I understand."

He saw her raise her tear-stained face to look at him.  "Nathan ...I called you, Alex."

"Yeah, so??" he shrugged.

"Right in the middle of making love."

Nathan shrugged again.  "If it's alright with you I'll consider that a compliment."

"But I called you Alex," she said in a faint, pained voice.

"You were probably thinking about him for some reason or another and it just slipped."  He leaned towards her.  "Kris, it is alright.  I'm not upset," he said earnestly.  She tucked her head down against the back of the chair again and Nathan leaned back with a sigh.  "Kris, you don't imagine that I don't think about Carol sometimes, do you?"  She looked up at him but didn't say anything.  "I can never take Alex's place just like you can never take Carol's place.  Each of us has our own place that we've made inside each other's heart but that doesn't mean that we have to evict someone else that we've loved."  Kristin still just watched him, sniffling again and wiping her face with the sleeve of her robe.  Nathan shrugged once again.  "I think about Carol pretty often."  His face took on a wistful look.  "Not as much as I did before I met you, but still often.  When I think about her it's less painful than it used to be but I still think about her.  I expect that you think about Alex rather often too."

Kristin pulled her robe tight around her body as she stood from the chair and moved over to the love seat but Nathan noted that she didn't sit next to him but instead curled into the far corner of the seat.  After a long silence she finally spoke.  "Yesterday would have been his sixty-fifth birthday."

"I see," Nathan said softly.

"I still shouldn't have called you Alex," she said petulantly.

"If you had called me one of the other two I think I would have been upset but not if you call me Alex."

She looked up at him with her first hint of a smile.  "No," she said positively.  "I wouldn't have called you Jack or Jerry."

"Oh good.  As long as you associate me with your nice husband and not with the jerks."

Kristin slid towards him until she was curled into his side and Nathan could wrap his arms protectively around her.  She rested her head against his shoulder and slid her arm up until she was gently rubbing his chest.  "Do you really still think about Carol a lot?" she asked in an almost inaudible voice.

"I don't know if you'd call it a lot.  Thoughts of her pass through my mind every day but it's becoming less and less than it was before."  His voice was low and sad when he continued.  "I imagine that you remember what it was like.  Right after it happens it's all you can think about… almost every minute of every day."

"And I at least had other people around," Kristin said softly.  "You only had yourself."

"Well, me and Darwin," he said rubbing his cheek against her hair.  "And actually, right afterwards there were a lot of people around."  Kristin pulled her head back and looked at him quizzically.  "Carol was buried in Connecticut so I had to put up with her family and mine right after it happened."

"Why did you bury her in Connecticut?"

"She wanted to be buried in her family plot where she'd grown up," Nathan shrugged.  "And after enduring her family for a few days I was actually glad to be able to get back to the island.  They're a little more than anyone should have to take."

"Yes, I remember from your last encounter with them.  Rather unpleasant."

"Carol and her dad were the only decent people in that family.  The rest of them are jerks."  Nathan sighed and shook his head a little.  "But afterwards, when I got back to the island, I rarely thought about anything else but her for a long time."

"That must have been rather difficult," Kristin said sympathetically.

"Not really," he said in a discouraged voice, "I drank a lot.  It was actually more difficult when I realized that I wasn't thinking about her all the time.  That made me feel guilty."

"Yes, I remember the feeling.  I felt the same way but I had Cynthia to keep me busy.  You didn't have anyone."

"I had my research," Nathan shrugged.  "And then eventually there was the seaQuest.  That helped a lot.  And then there was you."

Kristin sighed again and snuggled down against his chest.  "I still shouldn't have called you Alex," she muttered.

"Trust me, babe, eventually, I'll call you Carol sometime.  It's bound to happen."  He pulled her closer as she shivered in the chill.  "How about if we go back to bed and get out of this nippy air?"

She nodded and stood.  Each of them held tight to the other as they walked from the porch.  "Do you mind if we don't make love tonight again?" Kristin asked softly.

"I don't mind," Nathan said pulling the bedroom door closed behind them. He hung up his robe and slipped under the covers watching her appreciatively as she did the same.  "Does that mean that you don't want me to touch you tonight?"

Kristin rolled over and looked at him shaking her head tenderly.  "No, for that matter I'd really like it if you'd hold onto me tonight.  I need to know that you're here."

He reached out and pulled her closer, lying on his back and letting her rest her head on his shoulder as his arms encircled her enveloping her in his warmth.  "I'm here, baby.  One way or another, I'll always be here," he whispered as she closed her eyes and fell into a peaceful slumber.