Nathan Bridger was running along the beach, running and running... He was completely oblivious to the tears coursing down his face. He just kept right on running... Not to anything or away from anything - just running...

Not strictly true - He was running from himself. He'd had that dream again. The same beautiful dream he had had every night whenever he slept, which hadn't been very often since she'd gone...

<< They were walking hand in hand along the shore of his island. The waves were lapping at their feet and the moonlight shone down, lending an almost magical air to the night. The woman beside him stopped suddenly and turned to face the ocean... The breeze blew gently through her hair and her clothes clung to her body emphasising the enticing curves.

"Kristin?"

She turned slowly and put her fingers to his lips stilling anything he had been about to say...

Raising his hand he brushed back the hair from her face and leaned in to kiss her - Gently at first and then with an almost terrifying, passion.

Slowly they collapsed onto the sand and made love with all the feeling they possessed...    Eventually falling asleep in the protection of each other's arms... >>

When he had awoken from his dream early that morning, he had reached for her... Wanting her... Needing her... but all he had found was the same empty space that he had woken up to for the past four months...

Why the hell did they have to choose that complex?

'Building completely destroyed - No survivors. No chance of recovering the bodies of personnel.'  The report had said. In those few words they had written off his life...

And so he ran and ran until he dropped and that was where Lucas found him several hours later...

Lucas managed to get him back onto his feet, literally if not figuratively. He'd had quite a bit of practice in the last few months.

He'd go to Bridger's room and if he found it empty, he'd know where to look. He had no idea why but he always found him at the same spot on the beach. And each time he would help Nathan back to his room, fetch him a glass of milk and wait for him to fall asleep before he left. That was where he was now.

Lucas made his way to the end of the jetty and sat, leaning against one of the posts with his head on his knees. He was at a loss to know what to do. He missed Kristin terribly but he had to suppress his grief so that he could help the man that he had come to love more than his own father.

He thought back to that awful day four-and-a-half months ago...

 Nathan Bridger was excited, more excited than he'd had ever seen him. He'd received word from Kristin that she would be able to take her leave at the same time seaQuest was in dry-dock for routine maintenance. They had three, whole weeks together and Nathan was busy planning and scheming.

Lucas was happy for him. He knew how hard it had been on the Captain to be away from the Doc for so long. But a part of him was sad... He had absolutely no idea what he was going to do with himself for those three weeks.

Later that day Bridger had come to his cabin to ask what his plans were and he'd smiled sadly and said that he had no plans.

Nathan's face had lit up and Lucas couldn't believe what he heard...

The captain had planned everything, sailing; sun, surf and he had included him in all of the arrangements.

"Won't the Doc mind?"

"Mind? She insisted on it!"

"Then thank you, yes. I'd love to spend my vacation with you and I'll try not to get in the way - well, not too much!"

Three hours later they'd received the news...

All of the crew, who knew Kristin, had been devastated and those who didn't had been upset for the Captain. In a single moment the life had gone out of him. The gleam in his eyes replaced by a dull, lost look.

He'd handed over command to Ford and headed straight for his cabin, locking himself in until the next day.

Much to everyone's surprise he had reported for duty on time the next morning. Ford had tried to tell him that he would be happy to take his shift but Bridger had said that he was fine and would be carrying on as normal. Anyone who had looked closely would have known that this was not the case, but no one would have dared to mention it.

Lucas had desperately needed to go to Bridger for comfort but he had looked into the older man's eyes and realised that there was no comfort to be had, they were totally devoid of emotion. His feelings were locked away. Hidden deep in an effort to protect himself - his way of coping. And then Wendy Smith had come along and destroyed everything...

Lucas had noticed that the new CMO had been watching the captain closely. He knew that she was worried but, in his heart, he had hoped that she would leave well alone.

No such luck...

Wendy had been in communication with U.E.O's top brass - expressing her doubts about Nathan's state of mind. They had contacted Bridger and ordered him to allow Dr. Smith into his thoughts, to 'help' him come to terms with his grief.

Lucas had known that it would be a mistake but would anyone listen to him? Oh no... He was just a kid, what would he know?

A darn sight more than they did as it turned out...

When Smith had probed his mind and broken down the walls that Bridger had put up to protect himself, she had unleashed a torrent of grief, pain and fear that Nathan had been unable to deal with.

His feelings had been so overwhelming that he had almost ceased to function. The person that had been Nathan had disappeared and all that was left was the Captain. He performed his duties on automatic - never smiling, never socialising - not even with Darwin.

But Smith hadn't left it there. Oh no, not her... She had reported him as being unfit for duty and recommended indefinite leave.

Lucas had left with him - terrified of what might happen if Bridger were left alone. And that brought his thoughts back to the present situation...

Suddenly he was a scared little boy again... He knew that he was becoming as lost as the captain.  Bridger's grief was bringing him down too and if he wasn't careful he was going to drown. He had to get away, if only for a couple of days.

He tried to think of someone who would help him but he knew in his heart, that there was only one person who could really help and she was gone.

Who else was there?  Who? Then it came to him - Bill Noyce - he had saved Nathan before, maybe he could do it again... With more optimism than he had felt in a long time he went to pack an overnight bag.

He went to the bedroom to tell Bridger that he would be gone for a couple of days but the captain was still asleep so he hastily scribbled a note, left it on the bedside table and headed for the jetty.

Nathan woke slowly to greet the day for the second time. It was becoming a real struggle just to get out of bed each morning.

When Carol had died he had prayed every night that some miracle would bring her back to him. Every morning he had rushed to get up and dress in case his prayers had been answered, but they never were... This time he had no such expectations.

He had loved Carol very much and thought that that alone would create the miracle he needed.

Kristin he adored - she was his soul. His reason for living and now she was gone. He knew that there was no use in hoping for a miracle this time. He'd been that route and now all he prayed for was the chance to join her.

Oh, he certainly wasn't the kind of person to take his own life... he just hoped and prayed that the time he had left would be short. There was no life left in him. He only ate, drank and slept to please Lucas.

Lucas...

He couldn't believe how much he had come to depend on the boy. He knew, deep inside that Lucas must be hurting as well. He knew that he should pull himself together for his sake but it was so hard.

Finally he dragged himself out of bed and went in search of his lifeline, not seeing the note that floated to the floor caught in the draft from the bedcovers, and drifted under the bed.

Lucas returned two days later.

Noyce hadn't been of much help at all. Truth, be told, he didn't think that anything would save Bridger this time around. He knew how much Nathan had loved Kristin Westphalen. He'd told him the last time they had met.

Bill had been surprised that he could find someone he loved more than Carol but, by some miracle, he had. And now this... How could anyone survive this kind of loss?

Looking around the beach the captain was nowhere to be seen, so he wandered on up to the house and pushed open the door. He was greeted with a scene of total devastation. The place was a mess... The furniture had been thrown around the room, ornaments had been swept from the mantel and smashed and the photograph of Kristin, which normally stood on the desk, lay crumpled on the floor.

He made his way along the hallway to Bridger's room and noticed a couple of empty whisky bottles on the floor. Carefully he pushed open the door...

The captain stood with his back to him, leaning heavily against the bookshelf - a half-empty glass in his right hand. It was more than obvious that he had been drinking - a lot.

Noyce had told him that this might happen and warned him that, if it did, he should find the remaining bottles and dispose of them - then run for cover. He tried to sneak out again but he had already been noticed...

"Decided to come back did you? What's the matter - nowhere else to go?"

"I was only gone for two days. I told you I'd be back..."

"Why? I can take care of myself. How the hell do you think I managed before you came along?"

Lucas tried to defuse the situation with a little humour. "Beats me... Doctor Westphalen always said..."

Nathan turned, fury in his eyes, "To hell with Doctor Westphalen... To hell with Robert, Carol, all of them... Everyone I've ever loved has left..." He gave Lucas a pointed look, "And to hell with you too..."

He went to take another swig of his drink and then changing his mind, he hurled the glass at the wall instead.

Lucas turned and bolted...

Several hours later Nathan found him huddled in a corner of the old boat shed. It was almost dark and he could just make out the figure in front of him.

Lucas had his knees drawn up to his chest, his head was resting on them with his face to the floor and his hands were on the top. He looked as though he was trying to shut out the world.

Bridger knew that he should say something, but what? He had never been a happy-drunk and he knew just what he was capable of doing or saying... In this instance he remembered every word in vivid detail.

It had scared him so much that he had gone around the house, collected up any bottles that he had found and emptied them down the sink - right down to the root-beer - talk about overkill...

The silence was broken finally by Lucas, himself.  "I miss her too you know..."

Nathan's façade crumbled. He moved over to the boy and took him in his arms- tears streaming down his cheeks as he felt Lucas' body being wracked with sobs of his own.

"I'm so sorry Lucas, more sorry than I can ever say."

After a while the sobs decreased and then ceased altogether and finally Lucas spoke. "Kristin wouldn't have wanted this you know. If she's looking down on us, she'll be so angry. She'd want us to pick up the pieces and get on with our lives..."

"I know Lucas but God help me, I don't know how..."

After that day life seemed to take on some semblance of normality. Lucas found things to occupy his time, even Darwin had returned at last, and Bridger began to rebuild what was left of his life.

Sometimes though, he would watch the captain and he knew that most of what Bridger did, he did for his sake. He'd join him on the beach, play with Darwin, laugh, run and tell him stories but none of the emotions ever touched his eyes.

When he thought Lucas wasn't watching he'd let down his guard and his expression was a combination of sadness, hurt and extreme loneliness... and sometimes, nothing at all.

One evening Lucas had just returned from playing with Darwin and Bridger was nowhere to be seen. He knew where he would find him if he looked... Bridger was still having that dream and he knew that he'd be on that same piece of beach - he seemed to find comfort there.

He walked into his room and saw the red light flashing in his comm-system indicated an incoming message. He hit the button and then went to run the shower.

The voice that he heard had him scurrying back to the desk ... It was Bill Noyce...

<< Lucas, I'm contacting you because I'm not sure of Nathan's mental state... I don't want to get his hopes up and then have them dashed again. >>

Lucas was getting impatient. Why on earth couldn't this man get straight to the point?

<< I've had a communiqué from U.E.O military HQ. Apparently, working on a tip-off, they raided one of the hidden bases of a major terrorist group. When they searched they found several secured compounds that housed prisoners from the complexes they'd raided. There's no confirmation as yet, but they think that some of them are from the centre where Kristin was working. I'll keep you apprised of any further developments. I leave it to you to decide whether or not Nathan should be informed. >>

Lucas had wrestled with the decision of whether or not to tell him... One minute it was no and the next, yes. When Noyce had been unable to confirm the information he had decided against.

Almost a week later, he spoke to Noyce again and still had no idea if the Doc had survived. He hit the disconnect button in disgust and wandered outside to clear his head. He found the captain sitting on the veranda, dejectedly nursing a cup of cold coffee...

"You okay, Cap?"

"Just thinking, Lucas." He paused and took a deep breath, "Tomorrow would have been Kristin's birthday, if things had been different..." His voice trailed off and there was a look of profound sadness in his eyes.

Lucas decided that maybe now would be a good time to tell him everything that had been going on. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction to expect but if anything, the look of sorrow deepened.

"I'm sorry Lucas but so much has happened in my life that I'm afraid I don't believe in miracles anymore... it hurts too much when they don't happen. But thank you for trying to cheer me up.

Lucas watched as he slowly stood and turned to go inside. "I can understand that but, if you don't mind, I think I'll go on believing for a while. After all, you came into my life and turned it around and that was a miracle for me - perhaps it's your turn this time."

Nathan paused momentarily and then headed to his room where he spent the night pacing and praying...

Another week slipped by and Lucas began to think that the captain had been right. Hoping for something that didn't want to happen was hard - very hard...

He'd been walking along the beach when Darwin had found him. The dolphin splashed and jumped trying to attract Lucas' attention. Turning to find out what was happening, he caught sight of a U.E.O. launch slipping quietly up to the jetty. It was almost dark but he could make out a lone figure disembarking and the launch pulling out again.

He changed direction and headed slowly towards it curious as to whom their visitor could be, then a thought struck him - maybe it was Noyce? Perhaps he had found out something definite?

Picking up his pace, he was practically running as he neared his destination. Then he came to a dead stop. It definitely wasn't Noyce - unless he'd been on one hell of a diet.

Then the figure spoke his name and he was running again, "Doc!"

Nathan Bridger was inside the house cooking supper. It had been Lucas' turn but, as usual, he was nowhere to be found. He'd been searching the cupboards for a missing, vital ingredient to the meal when the launch arrived and hadn't noticed it. The sound of Lucas calling him permeated his thoughts...

"Captain, Captain, I was right - miracles do happen...

Bridger came out of the house to see what all the commotion was about... He stepped onto the veranda and saw Lucas running towards him.

"What on earth...?"

He hadn't noticed the other person, walking a few steps behind, until she came into the light. Suddenly his legs didn't seem to be able to support him anymore...

Lucas would swear that, when Bridger hit the ground, the thud his knees made when they made contact with the wooden planking could be heard all the way to the mainland.

No matter how much he wanted to, Nathan just couldn't get to his feet - he couldn't move. He couldn't speak... He was shaking from head to toe. Finally, he managed to raise a trembling hand and held it out to her.

Then she was in his arms, very much alive...

Fiercely, he hugged her to him. Arms around her waist, his face against her body, clinging on to her for dear life. And, all the while, she was holding him. Stroking his hair... his back... calming him.

Slowly he became aware of something else, a slow, rhythmic thumping sound... For a moment panic seized him... Then he recognised it for what it was... It was all right. Everything was fine...

It was just the sound of his heart, beating again...