I awake slowly , stretching to erase the sleep from my muscles. As I open my eyes, I instinctively roll over to greet my lover only to find his place beside me empty. As I sit up, I realize what today's date is and the significance of that date. I had wanted to tell him my news this morning, but I know now that this is not the right time. Perhaps later when the difficulty of this day is over. My heart goes out to him as I get out of bed and move quietly to the bathroom.

I step from the shower and towel myself dry. I throw the towel in the laundry hamper, then enter the bedroom and cross to the dresser. I open my underwear drawer and pull out a bra and matching panties. The set is the kind I know Nathan likes, lacy and daring and I smile softly as I pull them on. My blue jeans and a t-shirt complete my outfit and I pull a comb through my still damp hair before crossing the bedroom to the door. I open it and quietly step out into the hallway.  My bare feet make no sound on the carpet as I move down the hall to the kitchen.  I pause in the doorway and see Nathan sitting quietly at the breakfast nook with a cup of coffee

With a compassionate smile, I move  and step onto the cool tiles in the kitchen. I cross quietly to the coffee maker and pour myself a cup, using the one he had thoughtfully left out for me. After fixing the coffee the way I like; I cross to the breakfast nook.

 Nathan doesn't look up as I, approach but he does shift in order to make room for me next to him on the padded bench and I slide in beside him. I set my mug down next to his on the table and turn to him.

"I'm here for you, Nathan.." I tell him softly and he lifts his head and looks at me. He gives me a smile that does not reach his eyes and my heart breaks at the pain and anguish I see there.

Reaching out I wrap my arms around him and pull him close. "It'll be all right." I murmur soothingly as I stroke his hair and his grief gives way to tears and then to sobs. "We'll get through this day together." I tell him and hold him close as he releases his grief.

Sometime later I sit quietly in the passenger seat as Nathan pulls out of the driveway. I watch him silently as we drive and wish that there were more that I could do for him. Nearly a half hour later, we stop and he turns off he ignition. He sits for a moment and then opens the door and gets out. I follow suit and get out as he opens the back door and reaches inside.

I cross around the front of the car and come to stand beside him. He grasps the bouquet of white roses tightly with one hand and takes my hand with the other and we move silently across the cemetery.

We stop before the grave and my eyes run over the headstone.
 

Robert Hale Bridger

BORN: JUNE 15, 1986

DIED: MAY 27, 2012

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done;
It is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known”
 

Nathan squeezes my hand before releasing it and moving closer. I stay back, giving him this time alone. He kneels and lays the roses down. I hear him as he quietly begins to speak. "Hey, Bobby, it's Dad. I miss you, son." Then his voice drops lower and I am unable to hear the rest of his words.

Several minutes pass, then Nathan rises and moves back to my side. He slips his arm around my waist and pulls me close, burying his head in the warm curve of my neck and shoulder. I wrap my arms around my lover, holding him close and offer what comfort I can.

Nathan is very quiet throughout the rest of the day and over dinner and even when we curl up on the sofa to watch a video I know that his mind is not on the movie, but his thoughts are elsewhere.

I sit in bed and listen to the sound of the shower as I try to read. After realizing that I've read the same paragraph three times, I close my book and return it to the night table drawer, tossing my reading glasses onto the top of the night table. Minutes later, I hear the sound of the water cease and minutes after that the bathroom door opens. I watch Nathan as he steps from the steam-filled room, a towel wrapped around his waist. My eyes follow him as he moves to the dresser and takes out a pair of briefs before moving to his side of the bed and sitting down.

I sigh softly then shift onto my knees and move across the bed to kneel behind him. I wrap my arms around him, pressing close to him and brush my lips against his temple and trail them down to his stubble-rough cheek then back to his ear. I pull his earlobe between my teeth and nibble gently. He responds by grasping my hand and pressing his lips to my wrist before turning his head and meeting my gaze. His blue eyes are still colored with pain but I can see his love for me shining through it.

"I love you, Nathan." I whisper softly and he smiles.

Nathan shifts, moving to lie back on the bed and I stretch out beside him as he pulls me close. I look into his eyes and press my hand to his cheek. "I know that today has been difficult for you and will continue to be so." I tell him softly. "I can't begin to imagine what this has been like for you, but I'm here for you and will help you through this for however long it takes." I pause, take a deep breath and then continue on. "But today, Nathan, today we shouldn't be thinking about death, today we should be thinking about life. I got some very good news yesterday. I know it will mean a lot of changes, especially for us." I stop and can see the small glimmer of hope in his eyes. I smile softly and continue. "I'm pregnant, Nathan."

I watch the tears enter his eyes and he smiles. Nathan rolls until I am beneath him and his tears fall on my face as he leans down, kissing me so tenderly that it takes my breath away. His lips leave mine and he moves down my body to press another tender kiss to my satin covered belly. He brushes another kiss to the place where our child grows before turning his head and resting his cheek against my still flat stomach. My hands rise and settle on his head, my fingers tenderly comb through the short strands of his hair.

Several more minutes pass and then Nathan lifts his head and moves back up my body. This time his eyes are filled with passion as he bends his head and touches my lips with his. The kiss quickly escalates, and deepens as desire and sweet arousal envelope us. Our bodies come together and join in the eons old celebration of life and love.

I lie, in the sweet aftermath, tucked safely and contentedly against my lover's side. My head rests comfortably on his shoulder and as my fingers trace lazy patterns on his chest I marvel at this man who has captured my soul. Nathan has always been a tender and considerate lover but tonight the gentleness with which he loved me left me breathless and filled me with
amazement.

He turns his head and presses a kiss to my forehead. "I love you, Kris." he whispers softly and tightens his embrace.

"I love you, too." I reply in a soft whisper and his hand raises to settle on my head.

"Thank you." he murmurs “Thank you for being so patient with me. Thank you for understanding.” he adds softly

"I happen to love you.  Patience and understanding go with the territory.” I respond and he murmurs unintelligibly. Very soon the sound of his breathing tells me that he is asleep. I smile, closing my eyes and locked tight in the most wonderful of arms I join my lover in dreams and know that everything is going to be just fine.