Kristin looked up at the sound of a knock on the bulkhead of her office.  She couldn't help but smile when she saw the captain leaning in her doorway, a boyish grin on his face.

"What can I do for you, Nathan"

He walked in and sat down across the desk from her.  "Well, we're going to be docking at New Cape Quest in about an hour.  I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me tonight?  I know this great little bistro on the boardwalk that serves the best Italian this side of the Mediterranean."

Kristin's smile widened.  "That sounds wonderful.  As long as you're paying," she quipped.

Nathan laughed.  "Of course!  I'll pick you up at your hotel room around 8.  Is that ok?"

"Perfect."

"Great.  I'll see you then."  He rose from his chair and exited the room, leaving Kristin smiling down at her paperwork.

At 8 o'clock sharp a knock on the door brought Kristin scrambling out of the bathroom, her hands hurriedly clasping a gold necklace around her neck.

"Coming!  I'll be just a second."

She quickly slipped into her strappy high-heeled sandals and gave herself a once-over in the mirror. When she was satisfied with her appearance, she opened the door to find Nathan's back turned to her door.

He turned around at the sound of the door opening and his breath caught in his throat.  Kristin stood before him like a vision, her hair piled loosely on top of her head, leaving curly tendrils to frame her face. Her last minute scramble had brought a healthy flush to her cheeks, making her whiskey-colored eyes even more luminous than usual.  The delicate gold chain lay in the hollow of her throat, framed by the narrow straps of her knee-length, cream colored sundress, which only served to accent her tawny skin.  The sheer top layer of the dress swirled gently around her legs as she moved and a matching gold anklet emphasized her slim ankle.

"You look beautiful, Kristin."

She flushed even more deeply.  "You're not looking half bad yourself, Sailor," Kristin replied as she looked over the crisp, deep blue dress shirt that brought out his eves and the perfectly tailored black pants.

"Thanks.  Shall we?"  He extended his elbow towards her and she slipped her hand through it.

"Certainly."

Kristin sipped gingerly at her steaming hot espresso as the waiter took away their empty dishes.

"That was wonderful, Nathan.  Thank you so much for inviting me."

"Thank you for coming.  I thought it would do us some good to get away from the boat.  You know, get through a whole meal without arguing about provision allocations and the like."

Kristin smiled.  "You're right.  It was perfect idea.  I really have had a fantastic time this evening."

"Well good.  Because it's not over yet."  He extended his hand and nodded towards the small band playing in the corner.  "Would you care to dance?"

"I'd love to," she replied, slipping her hand into Nathan's.

They rose as one and walked to dance floor, which was occupied by two other couples.  As Kristin's hand came to rest on Nathan's shoulder and his arm settled around her waist, the woman at the microphone began to sing.
 

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hops, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Please remember me
 

The music seemed to weave a spell around them as they looked into each other's eyes, oblivious to the world around them.  As the song drew to a close, Nathan gave into the urge that had been tugging at him all night and slowly leaned forward to place his lips against Kristin's in a gentle kiss.  After a moment of surprise she began to respond, the kiss quickly deepening in intensity.  When his tongue gently brushed her lips Kristin suddenly tensed.  Nathan pulled back to look into her eyes, a quizzical expression on his face.

"Kris?  What's wrong?"

She pulled out of his arms.  "I... I'm sorry.  I have to go."

Before he could say another word she turned and practically ran out of the restaurant, leaving a very hurt and confused Nathan in her wake.

After settling the bill, Nathan walked down to the boardwalk, hoping that some fresh air would help clear his mind.  He paused to lean against the railing at looked out over the ocean with a sigh.  He couldn't figure out for the life of him why Kristin had run out like that.  He kept going over the evening in his mind, but nothing seemed to help.  Everything had been going so well.  They had had a wonderful evening.  God knows, he hadn't seen Kristin that relaxed in months.  The undeniable chemistry between them had been almost palpable from the moment he picked her up from the hotel and it had seemed to him that, for once, she wasn't fighting it and neither was he.

In the end, his mind kept coming back to the kiss.  That must have been what triggered her flight, but it made no sense.  They had started spending more and more time together over the last few months and things between them had seemed on the verge of escalating.  Besides that, they had kissed once before and that time he was the one who broke it off, for both their sakes.  So why now?  What about tonight scared her so much?

As if his thoughts had summoned her, Nathan suddenly caught sight of Kristin walking along the beach, her sandals dangling from her hand and the light of the full moon rimming her in an almost ethereal glow.  Determined to find out what was the matter, Nathan headed down the beach to meet her.

Kristin walked aimlessly, trying to let the feeling of the cool sand beneath her feet and the rhythmic sound of the waves sooth the raging storm of her emotions.  How had everything gone so wrong?  As if to taunt her, the memory of the kiss they had shared rose in her mind.  She shivered in response and instinctively wrapped her arms around herself.  She froze in mid-step as she heard an all-too-familiar voice behind her.

"Cold?  I'd give you my jacket if I had one."

Slowly, she turned to face Nathan.  He stood before her, his hands shoved into his pockets.  He had untucked his shirt and bare feet peeked out from beneath the cuffs of his dress pants.  The shadows from the bright moonlight deepened the lines of his face and turned the color of his eyes to the darkest sapphire.  Seeing the pain in those eyes, and knowing that she had put it there, almost broke Kristin's heart.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice husky with emotion.

"You tell me.  That was quite the exit you made."  His voice was almost totally neutral, which told Kristin just how upset he was.  She could hardly remember the last time he had put up the "captain's mask" with her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Why?  All I want to know is why."

She turned her back to him to compose her thoughts and to escape the intensity of his gaze.  The feel of his hand roughly grabbing her shoulder and turning her around shocked her.

"Damn it, don't turn away from me!"

Fire raged in Kristin's eyes as anger overcame hurt.  "How dare you!  I'll do what ever I damn well please, that you very much."  She turned again and had begun to walk away when he spun her to face him, this time holding her by both shoulders.

"You're not going anywhere until you talk to me."

She struggled against his grip.  "Nathan!  You have no right to manhandle me like this!"

He suddenly pulled his hands away as if burned and returned them to his pockets.  "I'm sorry, Kris.  I just need you to explain this to me.  Was it something I did?  Something I said?"  He paused to take a deep breath.  "Was it the kiss that scared you off?"

Kristin crossed her arms defiantly over her chest, hiding behind her anger.  "Well, someone certainly has a big ego."

Exasperated, Nathan threw up his hands.  "Enough of the games, Kris.  I'm tired of them. Hell, you spend so much time lying to me, you and everyone else about your emotions I don't think you even know what you want anymore."

"Oh really."

"Yeah.  And I think if you'd ever be really honest with yourself you could figure out why you're so scared."

"Scared?" Kristin spat the word out like a curse.  "What in God's name makes you think I'm scared?"

"I guess you're right.  Most women end a romantic and thoroughly enjoyable evening by running out on their date.  My mistake."  His scathing words cut Kristin to the core and she struggled to compose her features in some semblance of calm.  "So if it's not fear, then what is it Kris?  What is it that makes you push me away every time we start to get close?"

Tears filled her eyes and the words burst forth from her lips before her mind had a chance to process them.  "Because I think I'm falling in love with you!"

Nathan's world spun crazily for a moment as the words sunk in.  Kristin loved him?  His heart seemed skip a beat before restarting at a pace that he was sure couldn't be healthy for him.  "Kris."  He breathed her name like a benediction, so lost in the amazing feeling filling his heart that he didn't see the look of sheer terror in her eyes.

She stumbled backwards a few steps as Nathan reached for her, shaking her head.  He held his hands out in a pose of submission.  "What's wrong, Kris?"

No words left her mouth, she just took two steps further away.

He approached slowly and she jerked back like a frightened rabbit.  "Talk to me, Kris.  We can work out whatever's wrong.  Just talk to me."

"No."

That single whispered word was like a physical blow to Nathan.  Anger welled up to replace the joy he had been feeling only moments earlier.  "Fine," he spat.  "Have it your way.  You must enjoy being alone, Kris.  You seem to be fighting awful hard to keep it that way."  He laughed bitterly.  "Hell, who am I to stand in your way."  With that he turned and walked away, never looking back to see Kristin sink to the sand, sobbing.

Nathan stood on the balcony of his darkened hotel room, letting the cool breeze wash over his bare chest as he waited for room service to deliver the bottle of whiskey he had ordered.  He couldn't ignore the irony of that particular choice.  His reverie was interrupted by a knock at the door.  He called out without turning around.  "Come on in, it's unlocked."  He heard the door swing open gently.  "Just leave it on the table.  You're tip is there."  He crossed his arms and leaned against the railing as the door quietly latched closed.  He realized suddenly that Kristin was the first woman since Carol to affect him enough to make him drink.  And he had never wanted to drown thoughts of Carol like this.  He stiffened warily as he heard a soft noise behind him.

"Nathan?"

He turned slowly to find Kristin standing in the doorway of the balcony, still wearing her sundress, her feet still bare and covered in sand.  Her hair had worked free of its pins and tumbled in waves around her shoulders.  She watched him carefully, her expression guarded.  She couldn't help but notice that he had taken off his shirt.  She tried to quell the flutter the sight caused in her stomach and, even more powerful, the fear that followed.

Nathan leaned back against the railing, crossing his ankles, his casual pose belying the way his heart was hammering against his chest.  "What are you doing here?"

"I thought we should talk."

He laughed sharply.  "You must be kidding."

Kristin looked down.  "I deserve that.  I owe you some explanations, Nathan."

"You're right.  You do."  He crossed his arms, determined not to give into the wave of tenderness that washed through him at the sight of her looking so vulnerable.  They were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Room service."

Nathan crossed the room and opened the door, taking the tray, which contained a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, and giving the bellboy his tip.  He locked the door and placed the tray on the nearby table and poured two glasses of the strong liquor.  He walked back to the balcony and handed one to Kristin, who immediately took a deep swig.  "So, where were we?"

Kristin smiled wryly.  "I believe I was about to explain some things about tonight to you."

He sat on one of the nearby chairs.  "By all means, go ahead."

Kristin quickly drained the rest of her whiskey, feeling it burn its way to her stomach, before setting down her glass and beginning to pace.  She stopped with a sigh and turned to face Nathan, his expression unreadable.

"I just want to tell you, first of all, that I know I hurt you tonight."  She paused and closed her eyes for a moment.  "I don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am," she whispered, her voice husky with restrained tears.  She cleared her throat.  "But sorry doesn't change how I've wronged you."

She turned her back to Nathan and looked out over the ocean.  "You were right, you know."

"About what?"

She spun to face him, her eyes the color of smoky topaz in the moonlight.  "I am scared," she whispered.  "I'm so scared I can hardly think straight anymore."  She moved to sit across from him, leaning forward slightly in her chair.  "Nathan, you need to understand.  Every man I've ever loved has left me, in one way or another.  By the time I got to SeaQuest, I was determined to never get involved with anyone ever again."

A small smile curved her lips.  "But then I met you.  I had so carefully built this tough, cold scientist facade to protect myself and you drew me out of it without even trying.  You made me start feeling again."

She looked down at her hands.  "And now, against the wishes of my heart and my better judgement, I find myself falling hopelessly in love with a man who not only could I very easily lose him at any time, but who I can never really have to begin with."

"What do you mean?"

Kristin met his gaze frankly.  "Nathan, you are an amazing man.  But how could I possibly fit in your life?  Your heart and soul belong to SeaQuest.  She's more your lover than I could ever be.  And the parts that don't belong to her still belong to Carol.  I don't think there's room for me."

Nathan studied her silently, too overwhelmed to speak as she continued.

"That's why I was so silent before.  I knew that saying I loved you would change everything and it terrified me."  She laughed bitterly and looked away. "It's actually an old self-defense technique of mine. Cynthia hates it."  Her gaze moved to lock with his.  "But after you left, I realized that if my cowardly silence drove you away I would never forgive myself.  I've always preferred a broken heart to regrets."

Nathan spoke softly.  "If you could choose how things were between us, if all the circumstances were gone, what would you choose?"

"I'd choose to be with you," she answered without hesitation.  "But, it's not really my choice."  She smiled sadly.  "My heart is already yours, no matter what I choose.  So the choice appears to be yours."  Her heart began to hammer wildly as the words left her mouth.  This was the deciding moment.  Unable to bear looking at him, she closed her eyes.

Nathan watched her, noticing the tenseness at the corners of her mouth, the way her thick lashes cast shadows across her cheeks in the moonlight.  Quietly, he pulled his wallet from his pocket and placed it in her lap.  Her eyes opened and she looked at him questioningly.

"Open it."

With trembling hands she opened the wallet and found herself looking at a picture taken at a recent beach party.  A picture of her.  Her eyes flew to Nathan's, filling with tears, too scared to hope.  Nathan slid to his knees before her and took her hands in his.  "You're right. SeaQuest is a part of me.  And a piece of my heart will always belong to Carol."  He slipped his hand beneath her chin.  "But I love you Kris.  I love you more than anything.  If the choice is mine, then I choose to be with you."

"Nathan," she breathed, tears streaming down her cheeks.  He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers in an achingly sweet kiss which she returned eagerly, words no longer necessary.
 
 

~ The End ~

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self-defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes
And so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes
And so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions, too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes
And so it goes
And you're the only one who knows