Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: JAG and characters etc do not belong to me. No profit of
any kind is made from this.
Classification: PG-13 I originally posted this as R, but no actual
description of the sexual assault is contained (Sexual and Violent
Content) This was originally posted in the summer of 2002. 'And the
Sun Will Rise' was written as the sequel to this story.
Category: Drama
Summary: As JAG headquarters struggles to help Bud deal with his
trauma, Harm deals with a darker trauma of his own. Warning contains
sexual violence. I confess that I debated about writing a story
containing this type of violence, but I hope that somehow it may help
the reader to gain compassion and understanding of the victims
associated with sexual assault.
Special thanks to Marianne for beta reading.
PART 2
Harm made his tenth lap on the Rock Creek running trail when another runner joined him. "I know you want to keep in shape so you can try to beat me in the next Jagathon but collapsing from exhaustion isn't the way to go." Mac taunted breathlessly.
Coming to a grassy hill Harm veered off the path and collapsed on the cool ground panting from his hard run. Mac dropped down next to him and pulled out a water bottle she had strapped to her running pants. She took a long deep sip and handed it to Harm who pushed himself up and gratefully gulped the rest of the contents.
"Since we aren't on opposite sides of the courtroom, you want to tell me what's going on?" She asked using a matter of fact tone.
"What makes you think anything is going on?" Harm replied defensively.
"Wellll you have a sudden bout of clumsiness. That" She touched his face gently. "by the way looks painful. Then you suddenly loose your ability to function in the courtroom that results in the Admiral pulling you from the case and sending you home. Or maybe it's my keen sense of extra perceptual intuitiveness that makes me believe all is not right with one Harmon Rabb." Mac folded her knees under her so she was now facing him.
"I should have stepped down from the case, the Admiral gave me a chance, but I thought...I don't know what I thought." Harm wiped his face and rubbed his eyes.
Mac waited until Harm looked back up at her. "I didn't fall...I was attacked outside my apartment by some sort of group of vigilantes who weren't very happy with my representation of Duram." Harm sat cross- legged in the grass tossing the empty water bottle.
"Were you able to describe any of them to the police?" Mac looked at Harm clearly worried.
"They wore stockings over their faces, long sleeves and gloves. There was nothing I could tell the police anyway." Harm again dropped his gaze to the ground.
"You didn't call the police? Harm these guys might come back or hurt someone else involved with the case." Mac scolded.
"Dammit Mac, don't you think I know that. If something were to happen to Bud..." Harm sounded desperate as he leaned into his hands covering his rubbing his forehead as if in pain.
Mac noticed for the first time a circle of red abraded skin around each of Harm's wrists. "Harm tell me about your attack." She said quietly reaching out to touch his shoulder.
Harm moved his hands self consciously behind him. "There were three of them. I should have been more aware of my surroundings. They. . . ah ...handcuffed me to a pipe and used me as a punching bag." His voice faded to almost a whisper. "I should have paid more attention to my surroundings...it was late. . . the light was out in my outside hallway."
Mac watched as he took the plastic bottle and began to squeeze it until it lost it's shape as he talked. Suddenly Harm seemed to snap out of it.
"I guess I feel pretty stupid about the whole thing." He laughed joylessly. "Whoever says being a staff JAG is safer than flying a Tomcat needs to hang out with me...huh."
"Harm, why didn't you tell the Admiral?" Mac's voice was soft and empathetic.
"I guess my male pride was injured." He started to push himself up from the ground, but groaned and caught his side.
"Okay sailor, time to get you checked out...and I'm not taking any arguments." Mac jumped up and pulled him up. She then slid her arm around his waist and guided him towards the parking lot. His arm slid around her shoulder as they walked.
"You can be so hard headed sometimes." Mac fussed gently.
"Only sometimes? Damn, I must be loosing my touch."
*****
Harm waited outside the Admiral's office with Mac exchanging an uncomfortable look for her supportive one. "The Admiral will see you now." Tiner finally announced as he noted the phone line disconnected. "Sir, I hope you are feeling better." He added receiving a half smile from Harm as the two officers proceeded into the Admiral's office.
"Commander, Colonel." The Admiral looked up from his desk as the two stood at attention. "Have a seat. I take it that you have something for me Commander."
Harm handed the Admiral and envelope, which Chegwidden promptly opened and read. "So you have some contusions, a couple of cracked ribs and a bruised kidney. That was some fall you took. Is the Colonel here for moral support or as legal representation." The Admiral waited expectantly for an explanation.
"Sir, I would like to clarify my report to you about those injuries." Harm felt his mouth go dry.
"Please do." The Admiral leaned forward.
"I did fall. . . when ah. . .I was attacked outside my apartment the other night." Harm avoided eye contact with his superior officer.
"I see. Harm, why didn't you come to me about this?" The Admiral's now sounded only concerned.
"I've been trained in hand to hand. I've successfully fought off attacks before. I should have been able to stop this." Harm's voice sounded forceful.
Mac decided to intervene. "Sir, the men involved attacked the Commander because of the Duram case."
The Admiral frowned deeply and stood up obviously incensed. "Commander, I want a copy of the police report. Did you get a look at them?"
"I didn't call the police. I couldn't describe them they were completely covered and wore stockings over their faces." Harm waited for the explosion.
"Did I hear you correctly Commander? You didn't notify the police? This was an assault." The Admiral responded in disbelief.
Harm sat silently as the Admiral maintained his glare at him. Finally Harm spoke up, "Sir, I wanted to try to finish this case."
"No way in hell! You want to provide grounds for a mistrial!" The Admiral yelled.
Mac winced. "Sir if the roles were reversed, I believe you would want to finish the trial." Mac added.
The Admiral gave her a menacing look that eased as he considered her words. "You probably right Colonel, but after the Commander's stellar performance the other day in court. I don't think I would be doing the client a favor by reinstating him a council. Besides Roberts seems of be holding his own."
"Sir, whoever came after me could decide to go after Bud." Harm pointed out.
The Admiral frowned. "Well at least we now know there is a threat out there." He frowned at Harm as he said that. "I'll talk with Lt. Roberts and arrange for some protection."
"What about Harriet and AJ?" Mac asked.
"I'll see about arranging some leave time for her to go to her parents." The Admiral rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "That is if I can get her to leave Bud."
*****
"I'm not leaving!" Harriet announced to her husband.
"Harriet, it's just for a week or so." Bud pleaded.
"My parents agreed to come get AJ and take him home with them, but I'm not leaving you Bud Roberts." Harriet persisted.
"You don't trust me to take care of myself?" Bud replied irritably. "Poor Bud can't get around like he used to and needs me to protect him."
Harriet closed her eyes and clinched her teeth. "Is that what you think? Every time I want to do something for you, you think it's out of pity?"
Bud looked up at her with cold eyes. "Well, isn't it? I've seen you look at me when you didn't think I was watching. I'm pretty pathetic!"
"That is the stupidest thing you have every said!" Harriet yelled back.
"Okay now I know the truth. You think I'm stupid and pathetic!"
"No if I had to pick I would say you are right in your assessment of yourself. You are pathetic Bud Roberts. You are so full of self-pity that you can't see the love I have for you as well as that of your friends. I fell in love with the sweetest, most intelligent guy I've ever known. With one look, you managed to make me melt inside and you still can if you would stop feeling sorry for yourself. Dammit you are one lucky guy because..."
"Because I lucked up an lost only one leg instead of two? I only lost a leg when I could have lost my vision? Save the sermon, I've heard all of them all ready!" Bud snapped. "Oh and you contradicted yourself. You called me stupid and the most intelligent guy you've ever known. You can't have it both ways." They were nose to nose when Bud finished.
Harriet's face began to twitch as her angry scowl began to change into a muffled giggle. Bud tried to stay angry, but Harriet's laughter began to melt his resolve. Harriet began to hiccup and snort at the same time, and they both found themselves laughing almost hysterically.
"I...hiccup...can't ...hiccup...stop...hiccup." Harriet said between giggles.
Bud looked at his wife. Her hair messed up and her face flushed from laughing. He reached out and pulled her to him. "I know a way to stop them." He placed his lips on hers and kissed her hungrily. They finally broke away to take a breath.
"I love you Bud Roberts." Harriet stroked his face lovingly.
"I love you Harriet Roberts." Bud placed another kiss on her lips. This one was gentle. After the kiss Harriet took her husband's hand and led him to their bedroom.
*****
"You are a man of many talents." Harriet cuddled into her husband's arms after they had made love.
"You think so?" Bud grinned and kissed her head.
"I'll have to get the hiccups more often." Harriet replied sleepily. "And I'm still not leaving you." She added with a whisper before drifting to sleep.
Bud reviewed the evidence against his client repeatedly. Something did not add up. Duram had professed his innocence of the horrendous crimes against the three women, but he had no alibis and DNA evidence though inconclusive did suggest that he could be implicated. Harm had verbalized mixed feelings about his client before Bud took over the case. Bud needed to bounce his thoughts off someone, so he gathered up the files and headed out of his office.
He tapped quietly on the door. "Enter."
Harm looked up and smiled. "Can I help you Lieutenant?"
"Yes sir, I need to toss some ideas around on the Duram case. Do you have time?" Bud saw Harm hesitate before responding. "If you don't have time I understand, it's just that you know this case."
"Sure Bud have a seat." Harm rubbed his forehead and grimaced. He felt another major headache coming on. He opened his drawer, picked up an aspirin bottle, shook a couple in his hand, and downed them with some cold coffee.
Bud noted the dark circles under Harm's eyes. "So what's up?" Harm reached for the familiar file and flipped it open.
"I was reading some of you notations concerning several of the witnesses statements. You highlighted the part where at least two of the witnesses reported that although they didn't get a good look at the perpetrator's face because he wore a stocking, they did note that he was wearing a strong cologne." Harm looked at his own notes as if reading them for the first time.
"Did you ever have them identify the cologne?" Bud questioned.
"No, I forgot about that." Harm replied softly.
***Flashback***
Picking up his briefcase and cover, he entered the old storage elevator. He sighed deeply as he pulled the door open to enter the landing outside his apartment. The passageway was dark lit only by the window to the outside. Harm felt a sudden surge of uneasiness.
He stepped out of the elevator to feel strong hands grab his arms and push him against the wall. He tried to resist but received a hard blow to his abdomen. Reflectively he grunted and bent forward. "Take my wallet, I don't have much cash." He spoke through the pain. Harm felt the hands relax a fraction. Bringing up his knee he managed to strike a strategic blow to one of his attackers who released his hold as he grunted in pain. Using his free hand, Harm swung at the second attacker, but the second attacker had help. A third man grabbed Harm's arm and jerked it back behind him while the injured attacker recovered and delivered a blow to Harm's right eye. Harm fought the blackness that threatened him.
"You put up a hell of a fight pretty sailor boy." One of his attackers hissed as he grabbed Harm's hair pulling his head up.
Through blurred vision, Harm saw his attacker. There were three wearing stockings over their faces. The three though not as tall as he, were burly and strongly built. Harm tried to take in all he could about their clothing and mannerisms. One of them reeked of cheap cologne.
**End of flashback**
"Commander are you alright?" Bud asked again as he watched Harm stare into space.
Harm blinked and shifted in his chair. "It was Brut...the cologne. Some of the guys in my junior high class used to wear it. It was disgusting then." Harm mumbled. "I have an inventory list of all Duram's belongings confiscated from his locker on base." Harm sorted through the file and pulled out the list he needed and handed it to Bud.
"This guy only wears the expensive stuff." Bud commented.
"I don't believe Duram is guilty." Harm stated.
"I thought you didn't have the witnesses identify the cologne." Bud frowned. "How do you know?"
Harm frowned, "Just a guess. Have the witnesses id the cologne. You can build reasonable doubt from there."
"The son of a bitch who's doing this is still out there, and he's not alone." Harm added softly.
*****Flashback****
"This is just a message...we don't appreciate what you're doing for that sicko soldier. Maybe you need to understand what it's like to be on the receiving end." The voice threatened.
Harm drew in a deep breath as he tried to restore his calmness. "You are taking your anger out on the wrong person."
"Shut the f* up! Your big time lawyer words won't help this time."
"Hurry up, before someone comes!" One of the others barked anxiously.
The leader chuckled. "I want him to enjoy this." Harm shuddered at the menacing tone. The man pulled out a pair of handcuffs and snapped one on Harm's right arm. Harm again attempted to pull away but this time the attacker placed a knife under his chin and slowly moved down his torso. "I can do some creative things with a blade when I want to...and you're giving me all kinds of reasons." The voice threatened. The three dragged Harm over to a floor pipe and threaded the handcuff around it before attaching it to his free hand.
"This is a mistake...Look if you stop now this will only be simple assault. " Harm could feel his heart beat in cold terror as he lay face down confined to the metal pipe while the others held his legs down. A dirty rag was stuffed into his mouth. He resisted the urge to vomit at the putrid taste. He then heard the sound of a zipper.
***end of flashback***
"What's a mistake?" Bud looked up from the file and watched his friend clutch his fists repeatedly.
Harm felt a strong wave of nausea and swallowed trying to suppress the urge to vomit.
"Commander, you look like you're going to be sick." Bud observed the greenish look accompanied by beads of sweat on Harm's face.
"I'll be okay in a minute." Harm mumbled as he felt the first heave. He then darted out of his office to the nearest restroom.
A terrible thought crossed Bud's mind as he sat in his mentor's office. Why would the Commander react so strongly to this case? He had seen him deal with the brutal murder of a child and he never reacted like this. Hell, he got right back into a Tomcat last year after that crash. . .no maybe it's the injury from the attack. . .that's it. He would insist the Commander go have a recheck Bud thought as he gathered the file and returned to his office.
****
Bud strolled out of the courtroom with a syncopated limp but no cane. Sturgis and Mac caught up with him as he approached the elevators. "That piece of evidence was very impressive Lieutenant." Sturgis praised the younger officer.
"Yea Bud, you're going to usurp Commander Rabb's reputation for pulling the rabbit out of the hat. You've just made our job harder, but that doesn't mean you've won. I still think he's guilty." Mac smiled grimly.
"Commander Rabb's reputation is still safe. He's the one who figured out the cologne angle." Bud smiled. "And I believe my client is innocent."
"As you should Lieutenant." Sturgis replied. "Where is Harm anyway? He's been unusually reclusive lately." He added with a more serious tone.
"I don't think he feels well. He's still having episodes of nausea. Maybe you can persuade him to go back to the doctor Colonel. I haven't been able to get him to do anything." Bud replied as the three entered the elevator.
"He hasn't said anything to me." Mac murmured.
"Oh like he would." Bud responded.
"That's right Colonel. We're talking about Harmon Rabb aka the Lone Ranger." Sturgis added.
Mac ignored the two men and darted out of the elevator towards his office. Without knocking she opened the door and shut it forcefully. Harm looked up startled by her entrance. "Colonel? Got something on your mind?"
"Why do I have to find out that you're still not feeling well from Bud!"
Harm sighed deeply. "I've just had a little nausea. No big deal."
"Harm you look like crap."
"Thanks Mac, I can always count on you to be gentle. Why are we having this discussion?"
"Because you aren't taking care of yourself."
"I guess I'm just getting old. I don't bounce back quite as quickly as I have in the past. There are you happy?" Harm folded his arms and leaned back somewhat guardedly in his chair.
Mac walked around his desk and placed a hand on his brow. "I thought for a moment you were delirious. You actually admitted you are not invincible. You do feel a little warm."
Harm pulled away irritably and returned to reading the file he had been working. "Are you finished?" He spoke sharply.
"No, I'm taking you to lunch despite your wonderful mood, and then I'm taking you home." She said with her arms folded across her.
"Sometimes you are so irritating." Harm fussed.
"Only sometimes? I must be slipping." Mac smiled. "Get your cover and get your six down to my car and hurry I have to be back in court at 1400. Mr. Roberts is kicking my six all over the courtroom."
"Now that I'd pay to see." Harm replied sarcastically.
"He's trying to do an imitation of some lawyer I used to know who shot a gun off in the courtroom one time." Mac added.
"Oh? Real smart, good looking?"
"No this guy has a really big ego, but I've knocked him down a notch or two."
"Maybe he just let you win to protect your fragile ego."
"No, he likes to win too much."
"So you think he's pretty shallow?"
The two strolled towards the elevators.
"He just likes to be admired."
"But he's not a bad as a certain Marine lawyer that I know who went so far as to secretly slip a picture of herself in a bikini to the media."
"I did not!"
"Well I wonder who did? I certainly didn't have a picture of you in a bikini."
"Would you like one?"
"Sure." Harm replied coolly with a twinkle in his eye as the elevator stopped at the main level.
"You would?" Mac responded in surprise as the doors began to open.
"Yea, you look real..."
"Hot, damn it's hot outside." Admiral Chegwidden said in exasperation when he almost ran into the pair as they exited the elevator. He scrutinized Harm and Mac with their guilty expressions as they abruptly curtailed their banter. "You look terrible. Go home Commander." He ordered as the elevator doors closed.
"I told you so." Mac said with a smirk.
"I hate it when you THINK you're right." Harm groaned.
"No bikini picture for you."
"I'm devastated."
"I'm sure you are."
"Do you always have to have the last word?"
"Yes."
********
Harm hated to admit it but he felt drained. Sleep for the past week had evaded him due to the intense dreams along with the physical discomfort remaining from the assault. He had survived a ramp strike and a dip in the cold Atlantic. He damn well would survive this he convinced himself as he dropped to his bed.
**Dream flashback***
"When you defend scum you have to pay the piper." The voice whispered into his ear. "You may even like it. Me and the boys are good...real good." He laughed evilly. Harm shifted violently to move away from hands that began to tear away his clothing.
'Oh god...no' Harm screamed silently with tightly closed eyes and clinched fists against the inevitable cruel assault.
Harm woke up soaked in his own sweat tangled in the bed sheets. His heart beat wildly as he regained his bearings. Apparently, he slept most of the afternoon because it was dark outside. He picked up the phone and dialed.
******
"Here is the information you requested." Bud handed Harm the folder with various photographs and lab findings. "Harriet made some coffee would you like a cup?" Bud pushed himself up and ambled unsteadily towards the counter to the coffeepot.
"Huh? Oh yea thanks." Harm muttered and continued to peruse the evidence from the Duram case.
"Sir, does Admiral Chegwidden know you are still involved with this case." Bud asked as he sat a mug of steaming Colombian brew next to Harm.
"I don't know and it's Harm."
"What are you searching for anyway? All those findings substantiate the victims' testimonies. I am concerned about how I am going to explain the fact that traces of hair from two of the victims were found on Duram's clothing when his locker was searched. He claimed he had never sat eyes upon any of those women." Bud sipped his hot coffee slowly.
"That only provides an indirect link to the defendant, but a significant one. None of the victims could positively identify Duram." Harm replied.
"But he fits the description in height and build plus he had no one to support his alibi that he was off camping alone the nights of the attacks. He didn't even check into a state park where at least there would have been a registration." Bud sighed.
"Who else would have access to Duram's locker?"
"The sergeant in charge of his barracks."
"Let's go have a little talk with him."
"Now?"
"You up to it?"
"Sure Kemosabi."
"Where did that come from?" Harm smiled.
"Oh, Commander Turner referred to you as the Lone Ranger." Bud grinned sheepishly. "You do tend to go off on your own on these investigations."
"I came to get help from you." Harm said defensively.
"It is my case now." Bud replied.
"I know Bud, and I'm not trying to undermine your case, but I've had some time to think about this and maybe the case was just a little to clear cut."
"I thought maybe you didn't think I could handle the case." Bud's voice dropped.
"Bud, if you remember I was removed from the case because I wasn't handling it."
"Can I ask you something?" Bud's tone was serious.
Harm sucked in a deep breath and nodded.
"If you're the Lone Ranger does that make me Tonto? And if I'm Tonto do you think Colonel Mackenzie will be jealous?"
"I really thought of you as the Mr. Spock type." Harm replied with equal seriousness.
"And you would be Captain Kirk?" Bud grinned.
"No that's the Admiral. I would probably be one of the pilot guys."
"Mr. Chekoff or Mr. Sulu."
"Whatever. You better inform Starfleet command that we're going on a mission, Mr. Spock." Harm raised an eyebrow teasingly.
"You could be the Cisco Kid and I could be Poncho." Bud said as they left his house.
"I liked the Lone Ranger better. He got to carry silver bullets around and ride that big blonde horse."
"Silver, the horse's name was Silver."
"How do you remember all this stuff?"
"Just one of my many talents...ask Harriet. She says I'm a very talented guy."
"I don't think I want to know all of this. Come on Tonto, the bad guys are lurking out there."
"Hi ho Silver!"
"That's my line."
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