Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: Characters and JAG do not belong to me. This is strictly
for entertainment
Classification: G
Category: Harm/others humor
Summary: Harm gets to baby-sit among other things! This was written
before Bud and Harriet lost Baby Sarah. Perhaps we can imagine that
Harriet is pregnant again.
0200 Saturday
North of Union Station
Harm's Apt
The unrelenting ringing would not go away, as Harm sleepily batted at the alarm clock. Finally awake enough to realize the phone was ringing, he reached over to answer "This better be good."
"Commander, this is Bud (like I didn't recognize his voice. Only Webb has worse timing than Bud) I'm so glad I got you at home. The babysitter has strep throat, Harriet's parents are still in Europe, and Colonel McKenzie is not back from her assignment..."
"Bud, get to the point. I'm losing valuable REM sleep time here."
"Harriet is in labor, and after last time..we are going to the hospital right away..we need you to keep little AJ for us..we would appreciate it so much ...we didn't know who else to call except for the Admiral and"
"Bud that's fine. What are godparents for? Do you want me to pick him up or do you want to drop him off?"
"Thanks, we'll drop him off. We're in the van now."
"Where are you?"
"I just pulled up outside your apartment."
Jumping up out of the bed and grabbing shorts and a t-shirt, I rub my eyes and turn the lamp on in the living room as I hear a knock on the door.
A frazzled Bud stands holding a sleeping AJ, diaper bag, and car seat. I reach for the diaper bag and car seat placing them on the desk as Bud enters thanking me again for about the tenth time. I ease AJ from his arms and gently place him against my chest with his head resting peacefully on my shoulder. "You better go Bud, you don't have the Admiral with you tonight to deliver that little girl." Bud's face turns a little pale, and he quickly retreats. "I'll call and let you know when she gets here."
I shut the door and head back to the bedroom,'ok little sailor, lets try to get some sleep'
0535
Harm's apartment
I feel little fingers patting my cheek and then poking at my eyes. I reach for the little hand and pat them back, "AJ its too early to wake up. Its Saturday, Uncle Harm's day to sleep late." I open one eye and see a smiling two year old giggling and wide awake.
"Go potty"
"Ok, Ok I'm up." I pick him up and hurriedly head for the bathroom.
"Want my potty." AJ whines as I help him pull his sleeper bottoms and diaper-looking pants down.
"I don't have your potty here AJ. You need to use this one." I feel a little panicked now.
"Want my potty" AJ refuses to sit on the larger version of what he is used to.
"Sailor, you will use this potty, and that is on order." I say in my best Commander's voice. 'Potty, I would never live this down if anyone heard me.'
Little eyes become very large, and then miracles of miracles he sits and carries on with business.
I wonder if we might get a little more sleep, when the answer is given. "I hungry."
Looking at the clock by my bed that informs me that its still not 0600 on a Saturday morning, I gather up a bright-eyed AJ and head for the kitchen. "How about pancakes? You like pancakes sailor?"
AJ begins to chatter as I find and prepare 'rise and shine' pancakes. He seemed to enjoy eating the pieces of pancake with his fingers and loved smearing syrup everywhere even more. "Time to clean you up."
The bath in my bathroom sink included the floor being splashed as well as me and everything else within light years of the water.
"I guess it's my time for a quick shower or should I say finish the shower you began Mr. AJ." AJ all clean and dressed giggles.
I look around my apartment for something to amuse him while I jump into the shower. Bud forgot toys. 'Make a note to yourself Rabb, never send a child somewhere without toys.' I gather plastic storage containers, a small cooking pot, some large spoons and place them all on my bed with AJ in the middle. "OK sailor, you get to be galley chief and stir us up something to eat." He promptly begins banging, shaking, and stacking much to my relief as I grab clean clothes and head to the shower.
That was probably the shortest shower I ever took including those during my childhood. No banging, no chatter, 'Oh no, this can't be good.' I pull on my shirt and shorts and look around my bedroom. No AJ. My heart stops as I look into my kitchen and see AJ standing on the island counter reaching up for the pots and pans suspended from my kitchen rack. I race towards the counter careful not to startle AJ and put my arms around his little body and take him away from the counter. Then I breathed and my heart started beating again. I saw a chair pushed up against the counter where he must have climbed.
"AJ doesn't need to climb on Uncle Harm's counters." I say firmly.
"I more pots!" a stubborn little voice replies.
The phone interrupts the debate. "Commander, it's Bud, Still no baby. The doctor says she's turned wrong, and it will probably be later this afternoon before she is born. How are you doing?"
"We're fine. We've had breakfast, and AJ has had his bath (and almost had broken bones). Everything is great. Don't worry about him. Can I take him to the park?"
"Yes he loves the park. Oh, by the way, could you go look in on Jingo. I was taking care of him for the Colonel while she was away."
"Why isn't Brumby taking care of Jingo for Mac?"
"I don't think Jingo likes Mic."
"Well at least someone in Mac's apartment has good taste. AJ and I will go this morning. Jingo can go with us to the park. Tell Harriet to hang in there."
I hung up the phone "That was Daddy, he said we could go to the park."
A sudden frown followed by tears formed on AJ's face from out of nowhere. "I want my Daddy. I want my Daddy."
Note to self; never mention Daddy or Mommy to a child when the parents are away.
***
Whoever designed car seats for children should be sent To Leavenworth for life! Thirty minutes, thirty minutes just to put a child in a car seat and secure the damn thing.
***
0900 Saturday
Mac's Apartment
Mac, Bud and I all have sets of each other's keys. Past experience has taught us this is a necessity. I don't have plants or pets, but psychotic former agents do hold me hostage from time to time. So using the key, I let AJ and myself inside, finding a very happy red lab wagging his tail. "Doggy" AJ squeals.
"Come on Jingo, let's go to the park," I put him on his leash, and three single guys head out looking for a good time.
The playground turned out to be a good thing. For some reason, women seem to be attracted to a guy with a small child. An exceptionally attractive jogger stopped to talk with AJ and pet Jingo. She has the longest legs and well, you know. Just as we begin to get friendly, I feel a tugging on my pant leg,
"Go potty."
Not now AJ.
"GO POTTY NOW!"
I smile and excuse us and begin to look around. No public restrooms. I can't believe it. I've been to this park a thousand times. I see a restaurant and head quickly to it Jingo and AJ in tow. Securing Jingo's leash just outside the restaurant, I head inside asking one of the waiters where the restrooms are located.
"I'm sorry sir, you cannot use the facilities unless you are a customer."
Jerk! can't he see I have a little two year old who doesn't understand the word wait.
"OK, we'll take a table. How about the one by the window? " (so we can check on Jingo)
"Very well sir, I will bring you a menu"
"No, just iced tea unsweetened and juice."
"Sir, we do not serve juice."
My patience is thinner than paper right now, but being a Naval officer teaches you to endure all things. "You have a bar, yes?"
"Yes"
"You serve screwdrivers, yes?"
"Yes"
"I want an unsweetened iced tea and a virgin screwdriver."
"The bar does not open until 11:30."
"Its 11:20, we will go to the head, and when we return the bar should be open." I now understand how the Admiral must feel when he is busy chewing out my six about something.
Sure enough, our beverages await us upon our return. Jingo is sitting patiently outside. A highchair has been provided. Note to self: check out your surroundings for public restrooms whenever you go anywhere with a child.
"Drink your juice AJ, we need to go soon and get Jingo."
"Doggy!" AJ manages to pull himself up from the highchair looking for Jingo and knocks orange juice and tea all over my lap. I want to cuss, but I bite my tongue 'til it bleeds. I can see AJ returning home with whole new vocabulary compliments of Uncle Harm.
Our friendly waiter, rolls his eyes as he brings me extra napkins. I leave a extra large tip and collect AJ and leave. Jingo stands and wags his tail oblivious to my frustration and sodden appearance.
Note to self: don't take small children to restaurants.
Whenever you think things are bad, just wait they will get worse. I notice that unpleasant odor coming from AJ. "AJ, you just went potty!"
AJ just looks at me sadly and says "Ut Oh"
"Hello Mate! Who do you have there?" great, just great.
"Mic, this is AJ Roberts, and you know Jingo." Jingo starts barking and growling. I share his sentiments.
"I never pictured you as the domestic type Harm." He's grinning from ear to ear and giving me the once over.
"You out looking for a date?" he laughs, "I hear women are really attracted to men with babies." he finds himself so amusing.
"Yea, we're a real 'chick magnet'." I pull on Jingo's leash and adjust AJ higher on my hip and walk past him. My head begins to ache.
I'm almost to the car..."Commander?" I look around to see Sydney Walden, the Admiral's girlfriend smiling. At least the Admiral is not with her.
"Commander." Admiral Chegwidden's voice came from behind like a MIG sneaking up my six while flying my Tomcat.
I smile and AJ points at Jingo letting everyone know that he's a doggy.
"Is that the Robert's little boy." Sydney smiles and tickles him gently on the belly.
"Harriet went into labor last night, and they ask me to watch AJ for them. Bud was helping Mac with Jingo." I feel my neck becoming very warm as I try to explain, noticing the Admiral's eyes look like he is about to fall on the sidewalk in spasms of laughter, but holds his statement under control.
Sydney pipes up "They could have called AJ and I. I would have loved to baby-sit."
"I'm little AJ's godfather and. ".
"The Commander outranks an Admiral this time." the Admiral smiles.
"I need to get these two home and clean up." I smile and thankfully reach for the SUV door. I hear a belly deep laughter in the distance as I climb into the vehicle.
1230
Harm's Apt
AJ was fussing, and my head was throbbing. Note to self: Fatherhood develops character and humility. Especially humility.
I head to the bathroom to clean AJ up after the 'Ut Oh' and reach into the diaper bag for one of those pull up diaper things.... Bud Roberts will never see the light of day after all the research I going to give him when he returns to work... No more diapers!... Think, you've improvised before. Seeing Saturday's newspaper, I spread it on the floor and place a t-shirt clad AJ in the middle. "Stay there AJ until Uncle Harm finds you something to wear." AJ laughs, I think he is happier without clothes.
A knock on the door distracts me from my search. Oh crap, I promised to take Renee out for lunch. I go answer the door and smile my best 'please be kind to me today' smile and let Renee into my apartment. She looks at me in my thankfully now dry clean jeans and t- shirt and sighs, "I thought we were going someplace nice."
AJ chimes in "Hello".
Renee raises her eyebrows "Who is this?" she smiles artificially.
"Renee, this is AJ, you know Bud and Harriet's son, my godson." I'm dying here.
"Renee, Harriet went into labor, and they needed someone to watch AJ. They were in a real pinch. Besides, did I say he is my godson."
"Why is he sitting on the floor, on a pile of newspaper, semi- dressed?"
"I ran out of pull-up diaper things....Renee could you watch him for a few minutes while I run down to the store to get some more. You're a life saver."
"Harm, but..I don't ..hurry up."
I practically run down the block to the nearest pharmacy. I've seen baby things there before. I locate the baby supply section, but they don't have the same kind of pull-up diaper things AJ had in his bag.
I notice a woman pushing a shopping cart with a baby and two runny nose toddlers approaching. "Excuse me, I need to buy some of those pull-up diaper things with the little dogs on them, but they must not sell them here. Could you help me find something that would work just as well?" I smile one of my best flyboy smiles.
The woman looks tired and never cracks a smile. "How big?"
"Ma'am?"
"How much does your child weight?"
"I don't know, he's somewhere between the size of your two in the cart." I explain. She reaches for a package and pushes it into my arms.
"This should do it." She walks away pushing her cart. I hear mutter under her breath. "And they think women are helpless. How in the hell do they run the country."
Right now my respect for Harriet has increased many many times over. I wonder if Bud knew the right kind of diaper things to buy his first time.
I hurry back to my apartment to find a screaming AJ standing by my sofa and a very flustered Renee trying to negotiate with this tired, hungry two year old. I pick AJ up to comfort him as large tears pour from his eyes. "Renee why didn't you pick him up?" trying not to sound angry.
"I.. don't.. do.. kids." She was gathering up her purse and heading towards the door.
"Renee, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I can fix us something to eat here" I don't think she heard the last part because the door was slamming about that time.
"OK AJ, Uncle Harm will find us something to eat, and then its nap time"
...........
1330
Harm's bedroom
After eating lunch, cleaning up again, and going potty one more time, I picked up a case file I needed to read through before Monday and lay down next to AJ.
"Read story"
"AJ I don't have any story books you would like."
"Read story" this kid doesn't take no for an answer.
"OK... there once was a Master Chief on board the Patrick Henry who was accused of not obeying a direct order from his commander...."
........
1700
Mac's apartment
Mac entered her apartment to find Jingo gone and a note explaining his whereabouts. Quickly changing into jeans and a t-shirt from her uniform, she headed out to Harm's apartment.
A soft knock did not awaken AJ or Harm, but Jingo's ears perked up as the sound of a key unlocking the door was heard. Mac smiled as Jingo wagged his tail, happy to see her. "Hey boy, where is Harm?" Mac whispered. She had seen his SUV outside and figured he might be out running. Jingo walked towards the bedroom and looked at Mac inviting her to follow.
Harm was sound asleep with AJ laying on his tummy sleeping peacefully on Harm's chest. Files surrounded them. 'This is a real Kodak moment, and I don't have a camera.' Mac thought smiling at the scene before her. Jingo barked about that time waking Harm who gently moved AJ onto the bed and eased off the bed.
They moved into the living room "I didn't think you would be back until late tomorrow"
"I finished up and caught a transport. I was ready to come home. Why are you keeping AJ?"
"Harriet's in labor, they brought him by EARLY this morning. I don't think their little girl is as punctual as AJ."
"Well, how was it?"
"What?"
"Playing Daddy all day?"
"Remind me not to ask Bud to stay late for work unless absolutely necessary, and I want to send Harriet a dozen roses."
"How about I take you guys out for dinner tonight." Mac smiled.
"What no wise cracks?"
"No, I think you are really special Harmon Rabb Jr."
"So it is true, that women are attracted to men with babies?" I tease.
"Hum I have never seen a man who would go to all that trouble just to attract a woman."
"Touché', I hear someone waking up."
"I'll get him Harm."
"Take him to the head first thing, and don't say anything about Mommy or Daddy."
After following my suggestions Mac and AJ join me in the living room ready to go out. "Uncle Harm" AJ smiles and reaches out for me.
I take him from Mac's arms and swing him around like he is flying. He giggles and begins his happy chatter.
"Let's go sailors, where do you want to eat?"
"Mac lets go somewhere where they put lids on the drinks."
"I can't believe you want to eat fast food?" Mac gives me a confused look.
...........
A Week Later
0800
JAG HG
"Hold the elevator"
"Bud, how are Harriet and that new little girl doing?" Mac smiles.
Gunny, Carolyn Imes, the Admiral and I join them in the elevator.
Bud pulls out pictures and proceeds to share his excitement. "Oh and by the way Commander, Harriet wanted me to tell you again how much we appreciated you keeping little AJ for us. You'll make a really great Dad. And she also wanted me to get you to share your potty training techniques. AJ hasn't had an accident since he stayed with you."
I close my eyes tightly, listening to the snickers as the elevator slowly moves between floors. At least Bud's son's timing is better than his father's. Bud Roberts you will never see daylight after all the research I am going to assign you.
The End
Trial and Error | Mostly Trials | Mostly Errors
