Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: Don't own JAG or characters. Don't make profit.
Classification: Drama H/M.
Rating: PG
Summary: Follows the events of season nine's Persian Gulf. Mac works
to recover from her posttraumatic stress experience with Sadeq and
her frustrating relationship with Webb. Although Harm's hearing is
restored, his relationships with Mac, the Admiral and Mattie continue
to be strained. Add up all the year's stressors for each of our
characters, and it will be a contest to see who will show no weakness.
PART 1
She was curled up on her sofa wrapped up in her favorite throw listening to the sounds of the rain as it rattled against her window. The room darkened from the power outage caused by the storm added to her feelings of self imposed isolation. An occasional flicker of lightning brightened the room enough for the solitary unopened bottle filled with Taaka's Vodka with a single glass sat on the coffee table. When she bought it, she paid cash because she didn't want to use her credit card or a check to remind herself later of her fall from grace. Tears trickled down her face as she pulled the throw tighter around trembling shoulders imagining warm arms comforting her instead of the warm spirits that beckoned and promised to ease the unrelenting sadness that filled her soul.
His briefcase along with his cover both damp with rain from the storm were dropped on his desk where he sorted his mail. Though filled with his possessions, the apartment felt empty and lifeless. Glancing at his watch frequently, a habit he developed as of late brought about a deep tired sigh when he irritably realized he didn't have much time left. He shivered as the dampness allowed the chill of the room to penetrate his clothing. He didn't want to turn on the lights or the heat...the surroundings matched his mood. Sadly, he looked to the pictures that framed events of his life along his bookshelf. The history of his life, he thought in chapters. Again, he looked at his watch. He had better hurry before she came by for dinner. To his bedroom dresser drawer and under his neatly folded t-shirts he pulled out the syringe and vial. Carefully, he drew up the dosage and flicked out any air bubbles. He held the syringe and huffed a small sober laugh in disbelief before finding the perfect spot. With practiced skill, he injected its contents. How he hated this, but he had to have this...so much had happened in the past weeks. He had changed and would never be the same as before. A tapping on his door disturbed his reverie; quickly he pushed the syringe and supplies back into the drawer...
A month earlier
JAG HQ
"Colonel, Commander it's good to have you both back and healthy!"
Petty Officer Coates greeted the pair as Mac and Harm made their way
into the Admiral's office.
"Thank you Coates," Mac replied with a tight smile.
"Yes, I'm sure you're glad not to have me yelling at you," Harm teased as they walked by.
"Yes Sir," she smiled and agreed quickly.
Commander Turner and Lt. Roberts were already in the Admiral's office when the pair entered, "Harm, Mac good to have the full team back," Sturgis stood and extended his hand to Harm and Mac.
Harm received the greeting warmly, but Mac seemed a little guarded. Sturgis noticed immediately that her hand felt cool to the touch but did not address her behavior.
"Yes, it is good to have a full crew on board for a change. How are you two?" The Admiral quizzed with a caring tone studying the pair over his reading glasses.
"Ready to move on to business," Mac promptly responded for them both.
"Yes Sir," Harm agreed a little slower as he shot Mac a slightly concerned look.
"Mac, I'm keeping you on light duty for a few weeks. I have some administrative tasks with which I could use your assistance. Harm if your up to it, I'd like you to take the Holmes court martial. Bud will continue to work on the capital murder case. Sturgis, you of course are also working on the capital murder case also, but I'm sending you to Norfolk to investigate the Doyle misappropriations matter. It shouldn't take but a day or two."
"Sir?" Mac interrupted.
"Yes Colonel?" the Admiral held Mac's gaze with a firmer look of his own.
"I'm capable of sharing a full load. I don't understand why you're placing me on 'light' duty?" Mac asked in frustration.
The Admiral removed his glasses and paused before responding, "Colonel, it is my judgement that you should have some down time to recover from your recent experience. Whether you agree with me or not, at some point this will hit you and when it does I would rather it be here than in the middle of a difficult case. Do I make myself clear? My decision is not negotiable. That is all," he dismissed decisively.
Mac remained in the Admiral's office as the others filed out.
"Okay spill it."
"Sir, I would 'cope' better if I were busy. Sitting in a office all day would probably just give me more time to think about what happened, Sir." Mac explained. "Besides I've done the mandatory counseling."
"Who said you wouldn't be busy? I have the budget to submit," the Admiral added with a smirk. "When I feel you are ready, then I'll let you resume full duties. You are dismissed, Colonel!"
**********
Harm stopped by the kitchen and grabbed a couple of packages of peanut butter crackers and two large bottles of water before heading to his office. He stopped by Bud's office on his way, "Lt. Roberts if you need any help with research on you capital murder case, just let me know. I still have a file on the research I used," he smiled as the younger officer looked up and nodded.
"Thanks, I feel a little overwhelmed for the moment, but the fact that the Admiral had this much confidence in me well...I just don't want to screw it up," Bud replied seriously.
"Bud, you've more than anyone I know have earned the right to handle a case of this magnitude. I'm not offering my help because I think you need it. I'm offering it because you would have done the same thing for me. Don't under estimate yourself," Harm added with a smile taking a sip from one of the water bottles and waved off.
"Thanks Sir," Bud grinned.
********
An hour later Harm looked up and realized his water bottles were empty and his crackers were gone. The bathroom break made a good excuse to check on Mac he thought. He walked to her office to find her buried in stacks of folders. "I see the Admiral's got you on budget duty instead of me thank goodness. Maybe he's finally beginning to forgive me for leaving JAG," Harm teased from her doorway sipping on a cup of coffee before placing a spare cup for Mac on her desk.
Mac failed to look up replying in a monotone voice, "Can I help you?"
"I thought maybe we could go to lunch at that new Tai place...my treat."
Impatiently, she threw up her head and pushed the files away knocking over the coffee Harm brought her on to the document she was working on, "Son of a bitch!" Mac jumped up angrily as the hot coffee spilled everywhere on her desk and into her lap.
"Mac! I'm sorry, I thought you saw the coffee. Look I'll get some paper towels," Harm offered grabbing some tissues off her desk and moving untouched files.
"What is it with you? Can't you just leave me the hell alone? See what a mess you've made of things. If you would have just left me alone in the first place then maybe..." Mac suddenly stopped yelling when she realized that everyone in the bullpen was looking their way, and Harm was standing in front of her desk with dripping tissues.
"Maybe what Mac? Maybe you wouldn't have had to feel as if you had to protect me from Sadiq? Maybe you wouldn't have had to shoot him? " Harm replied softly barely covering the hurt in his voice.
Mac frowned before responding slowly as she began to take some tissues and wipe away the excess coffee from her skirt, "Harm, I'm sorry. I ah I over reacted."
"Hey it's okay. My fault, I should have warned you about the coffee. I'll ask Coates to get you fresh copies of last year's budget. We can do lunch later this week. I forgot I'm supposed to meet Mattie's school counselor today at lunch." Harm backed out of the office closing the door behind him leaving Mac rubbing her head in frustration as her tension headache just escalated another notch.
********
"Are you on one of those new South Beach Diets or something Sir?" Jennifer Coates asked Harm as he grabbed another Snicker's bar from the kitchen after lunch and dropped the change in the honor box.
He gave her a sarcastic smirk, "I don't think candy is listed on anybody's diet, Coates. Besides that's a low carb diet!" He grabbed bottle of water to wash down the chocolate.
"But Sir, how can you eat like you do and drop the weight? You eat all the time," Jennifer said with exasperation. "I look at food and gain five pounds."
"Did you get those fax I wanted?" Harm diverted the conversation smoothly.
"Yes Sir, I also made arrangements so I'll be available the last weekend of the month. Your carrier quals are scheduled aren't they," Jennifer added with a smile.
"Already?" he frowned slightly.
"Sir, am I missing something here? I thought you liked flying off carriers," Jennifer sounded confused as she followed Harm towards his office.
"I do, did I say I didn't?"
"No Sir, you just didn't sound excited,"
"I've got a lot of things on my mind. I may have to reschedule." Harm shook his head and left the curious petty officer watching him in bewilderment as he shut his door for privacy.
*********
"What's for dinner?" Mattie sauntered in dropping her backpack onto the counter as she plopped onto a barstool. "Jen has a real date tonight." She added with a sly smile.
Harm was pulling a bowl of pasta salad out of the refrigerator, he sat it down and leaned over the kitchen island raising his eyebrows in curiosity, "Oh?"
"He's the guy that delivers pizza. Can you believe it?" Mattie burst out in giggles.
"The pizza guy?" Harm repeated incredulously.
"Actually he's a graduate student in clinical psychology at Georgetown. He only does the pizza delivery thing to pay the bills. He's kinda cute in an intellectual sort of way," Mattie chattered on as she lifted the lid to the pasta salad bowl and began to sample its contents.
Harm unwrapped a baked chicken he had picked up from the deli placing it along side the salad and added some fresh cut up green veggies. Mattie nibbled on everything as Harm arranged their dinner and pulled two plates and a couple of glasses from the cabinets.
"How was school?"
"How was work?"
"I asked first?"
"No one was killed, maimed or raped," Mattie replied nonchalantly.
"Not funny," Harm rolled his eyes.
"Who was being funny? When you walk through metal detectors to get into your school, have security guards roaming the hallways every ten feet or so and have your lockers searched every other day, you feel like you are being prepared for prison life rather than college life," Mattie let out a sigh and bit down on a piece of broccoli.
"High school has certainly changed since I was there. It's a different world," Harm replied thoughtfully.
"I don't know Harm. I've listened to some of the music you grew up on...it was pretty heavy. Most of it sounds like a tribute to tripping."
"Not all of it."
"Yea right...make love not war," Mattie replied sarcastically. "Kids in your day just didn't bring semi-automatic weapons to school. They were probably hiding their knives in their boots along with their weed."
"How do you know so much about what kids did then?"
"My dad used to tell me stories about the good ole days in high school when everyone used to like to smoke a joint and follow it with some Crown and coke in the locker room when the coach wasn't looking," she did not try to hide the anger in her tone.
"Not everybody used or drank in high school Mattie. I'm sure that that's true in your school too."
"True but still, you can get anything you want. But don't worry, I'm not touching THAT heavy stuff," Mattie rebutted and returned to eating her meal with great interest.
"Heavy stuff?"
Mattie rolled her eyes and reached for a celery stalk, "Don't freak, I don't do drugs."
"Got a lot of homework tonight? I see you brought over your backpack," Harm allowed the conversation to ease into a more comfortable subject. He reached over to pick up the pack because it wasn't buckled shut the contents slid out on the counter.
"Oops, sorry. I've been a klutz today," Harm stood up to push the books back into the carrier.
"That's okay, I'll fix it," Mattie jumped up to gather the spilled contents.
Harm's eyes landed on an opened pack of cigarettes that tumbled out with the books. "Mattie? Is this what you mean by not doing the heavy stuff?"
"Everybody smokes Harm. It's no big deal. You used to smoke. I saw a photo of you smoking a cigar. It's not the same as using drugs," Mattie rationalized nervously.
"Mattie, first of all you aren't of legal age to purchase these, so I'm assuming you got these from someone who is selling them to minors. Also nicotine is very much an addictive drug and causes many health problems, that's why I stopped. Mattie I care about you and don't want to see you hurt yourself. Lastly, I'm concerned that you feel the need to smoke like everyone else," Harm added with earnest.
"Harm, I'm not addicted. I just smoke occasionally to relax. Don't worry I can stop any time. Look this will be my last pack, scouts honor," Mattie smiled contritely holding up her fingers in the customary pledge.
Harm took the cigarettes pulled out a pack of matches from a drawer and gave them to Mattie. "Take this pack and go burn it in the fireplace. I don't want it lying around here because once you've become addicted to nicotine those things will always tempt you."
*********
Mattie lay on her bed hugging her pillow to her chest sobbing remembering the evening before that Harm found the cigarettes in her backpack. Jennifer was out on another date with the pizza guy so Mattie had the apartment to herself. She wiped her tears away and reached between the mattress and the springs of her bed retrieving a hidden pack and a lighter. She laughed bitterly as she recalled her feelings of guilt for keeping the stash knowing how her guardian felt about the habit.
Flicking the lighter, she inhaled deeply filling her throat and lungs with the cool smoke from the cigarette she held to her lips. She felt herself calming as she blew a long gray cloud across her room.
Tap, Tap, Tap
"Go away!"
Harm stepped inside the room taking immediate notice of the smoke that clouded the room. Mattie's jean clad form was stretched out on her bed as she took deep drags from the lit cigarette. He stood silently at the foot of her bed gathering his thoughts.
"Hey Harm, want a drag? Figured you'd be dying for one. Everybody's got to have some sort of habit right? Mine is just cigarettes, doesn't compare to yours," Mattie spat angrily.
"Mattie, things aren't always as they seem..."
"Yep, you got that right. I thought you were different! But you're just like him! Maybe worse in some ways. At least 'dear daddy' knows what he is!" Mattie spat.
"Your problem Mattie is that you divide people into two categories, heroes and bad guys. But most people are in between because no body is perfect," Harm spoke evenly but without malice.
"Especially YOU!" Mattie yelled back and drew another puff from the cigarette she held.
"Yea, especially me. You think you finally figured me out. I'm not perfect, never was, never will be. I guess I am like your father in that respect. But you know what, neither was your mom or my dad." He received a cold glare and paused before he continued, "I just liked to remember my dad that way...perfect, you know. If he would have stuck around I would have been able to see his flaws for myself instead I making him a hero and martyr."
"Don't compare yourself to my mother! I hate you! My mother would have never used drugs!"
"Mattie, you can hate me and your father and anybody else in this world that you perceive has done you wrong. But what you do with your life because of those insults and hurts is up to you," he looked at the cigarette in her hand. She followed his gaze and shifted at his scrutiny. "You have strengthens and weaknesses. You can choose to be strong or give in to your weaknesses. Alcoholism and has been linked genetically and here you sit starting your first drug," Harm spoke calmly and reached down and picked up the half empty pack on her bed.
"Stop preaching at me! You have your freaking nerve! I just saw you shooting up, who in the hell do you think you are!" Mattie yelled at Harm and pointed with exaggeration at her chest and grabbed the pack away from him.
"Until you deal with that anger and learn to see and accept people for the flawed beings that we all are, you're just going to end up somewhere you don't want to be," Harm said sadly leaning heavily against the wall of her room.
"Like you?" Mattie laughed sarcastically and continued to puff on her cigarette seemingly ignoring Harm.
"Maybe," Harm's hands began to tremble, and he rubbed his head tiredly. His face was covered in a fine sheen of sweat when he spoke, "I need to go."
"Ya crashing?" a hint a concern slipped past her mask of indifference.
"Sort of," Harm frowned as he tried to concentrate on his next words, "I can tell you one thing... if it makes you feel any better...I haven't been using very long." He tossed her the drug vial she had seen him with earlier and left to go back to his apartment.
She caught it and opened her hand to examine the vial...
Earlier that evening...
"Harm, volleyball practice was canceled so I stayed at the library for an extra hour," Mattie yelled as she entered his apartment without knocking.
Harm was just finishing what had become his evening ritual and removed the syringe when Mattie burst into his apartment. Their eyes locked in mutual surprise.
"Mattie wait!" Harm dropped the syringe and grabbed the vial. He had started dinner for the two of them so he turned off the stovetop and followed his upset ward back to the apartment she shared with Jennifer Coates...
############
I don't have time for this, he thought as he threw the message down on his desk. "Report to Bethesda Outpatient Services at 0700 in the morning...don't eat or drink anything past midnight," he said aloud in frustration picking up a Jolly Rancher from his desk drawer and popping it into his mouth. His head began to ache so he searched for the bottle of aspirin with caffeine he kept next to his secret store of candy. Shaking out a couple of tablets he downed them and shuffled through several files. Dammit he needed to have his vision checked again! Where was that fax he needed for court?
Multi tasking just took on a whole new meaning for him when he added guardian to his list of jobs and now the Navy was throwing little aggravations at him that he just didn't need right now!
His head at least was not throbbing as much he thought as he picked up the bottle of water on his desk and took a deep sip before taking off to the head. He had exactly five minutes to get ready for court to face off with Mac again who was surlier than ever. Post traumatic stress syndrome. He could put a name on it and so could everyone else, but Mac. She still danced around the issue even though the Admiral insisted she go for counseling. Lot of good it did.
Now the Naval Medical Corp was picking on him. He had gone for his follow up on his hearing evaluation. He didn't have time for this! He would call and try to reschedule.
*******
Harm ended up juggling his schedule to fit the Naval's request for his impromptu physical the next day. No amount of pleading, demanding or threatening on his part changed the orders.
His hearing had been just fine he told the clerk at Bethesda who listened courteously but, but handed him a lab slip anyway and directed him down the hallway. The technician informed him that he would be drawing blood for several hours and that he shouldn't eat anything, but he could drink water. Please don't smoke. Don't exercise. There was a waiting room. Drink this. "What is this about?" Harm demanded until the lowly Petty Officer paged the medical officer who was in charge.
"Commander Rabb, I'm Captain Wallace. I received your records from Memorial and needed to follow up on some irregularities," the middle aged Naval officer explained curtly. "Now once we collect all the necessary data we will have you out of here in no time," he smiled lightly and turned leaving before Harm could object.
The tech looked at the frustrated officer. " I guess when you hit the magic age they need extra tests." He then handed Harm a cup and nodded towards the men's room. "You know what to do with this."
"I have a busy schedule, why didn't someone let me know this was going to take all day?" Harm complained only receiving a mild shrug of indifference from the tech. He reached into his pocket to pull out his cell phone.
"Sorry Sir, you can't use cell phones in this facility. There are pay phones around the corner, or you can step outside," the tech added as Harm felt more demoralized.
By the end of the testing period, Harm was irritated and feeling nauseated. Frequent trips to the water fountain didn't relieve any of his discomfort or agitation with the process. He just wanted to get something to eat and get the hell out of there.
"Commander Rabb," the voice wasn't the irritating high pitched voice of the young tech, but of the condescending officer, the captain...Captain Walters...Walrus...Whatever.
Harm stood a little shakily. His head was pounding to the beat of his heart. "Now what?" A little voice inside whispered, "He knows."
**************
Harm blinked back the memory of his visit to Bethesda and focused on the cup in his hand. He mentally kicked himself for not being more careful as he finished off his drink and recalled the events that led up to his latest crisis. Maybe he had been to rough on her. This had been his problem to handle and now she was involved. Something he didn't want to happen.
"Harm? Are you alright?" Mattie asked meekly as she entered the apartment refusing to make eye contact with him.
"I didn't hear you knock," he replied still feeling a little disembodied.
"I did," she swore defensively.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to-- ah-- to put you on the defensive. You want some?" he pointed to the container knowing she would go for the soda instead.
"You didn't think I would find out eventually?" Mattie sat next to him leaning her head against the back of the sofa.
"You didn't think I would find out about your smoking eventually?" Harm echoed her disappointment.
"Why do you always answer my questions with a question?" Mattie challenged softly.
"Same reason you do I guess," Harm sighed softly not feeling like arguing.
"I said some horrible things. I've said some pretty nasty things to my dad too. What you said...about me. You were right." Mattie struggled with her words as her anger and disappointment still warred within.
"About this Mattie, I'm still trying to figure it out myself. What I said about me not being so perfect, that's is sort of a major understatement," he laughed mirthlessly, "I've been messing up with you a lot lately. This I know tops it all...I'm sorry," Harm turned to look at her with regret in his eyes as he took another sip from his glass.
"The cigarette thing?" Harm shook his head sadly and continued. "I started when I was in the academy to 'relax'. Trust me I could kick myself a hundred times for every drag I took."
They sat together in silence for several minutes.
"I'll try to quit," Mattie said softly...
"When did you say you quit?"
Harm found it hard to try to remember the answer to the question, "I think…six no seven years. I stopped smoking seven years ago," he replied finding it difficult to concentrate with the headache from hell.
Harm sat on a sheeted gurney wearing only a hospital gown while Captain Wallace pinched his sternum and auscultated his heart and lung sounds completing his exam. A nurse entered the exam room with a syringe and vial.
"Commander, Lt. Stocks is going to inject you with some medication that will make you feel better," he said firmly as he pushed him back into a supine position.
"Stocks I want a liter of NS with 40 meq of KCL to run in the next two hours. He's dehydrated," Wallace ordered and dropped his voice, "You'll need to add..." as he scribbled the orders in the chart.
"Yes Sir," the nurse frowned at Harm who felt strangely compliant and was having difficulty staying awake.
"Commander, I'll be back in a few minutes to discuss the results of your tests," he added as he walked out. "Nurse make sure the Commander receives a lunch tray."
Harm didn't remember falling asleep. However, a corpsman with the promised lunch tray woke him and insisted he eat. Harm thought it odd that the corpsman remained with him and wouldn't leave until the nurse returned to draw blood for more lab tests. Finally Dr. Wallace reappeared and pulled up a chair and sat facing Harm.
"Commander, I'm sure you've found all of this quite unsettling," he said in a Marcus Welby tone of voice that Harm didn't find especially comforting.
"This has been the most thorough physical I've had since I've been in the Navy. I know that I've crossed the great divide, but what is all of this about?" Harm held up the arm that had the IV secured.
"Commander, when you were admitted to Memorial last month following the trauma to your ears some abnormalities were detected in some of your lab work. Your records were forwarded to us and when we reviewed them we felt the need for further follow up and that is why you were called in today."
"Could you be a little less cryptic? What abnormalities are you talking about? I feel fine," Harm replied defensively.
Captain Wallace raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest, "Commander, I don't think you are being totally honest with me or yourself. Based on your past health records you seem to be very health conscious. You said you quit smoking, your physical fitness reports have been outstanding, you seem to be knowledgeable about diet and exercise. You seem to be comfortable with most of the medical jargon. I guess you've been exposed to medical records as part of your legal responsibilities. Do you know what this means?" The Captain handed Harm the results of his lab tests.
"This can't be right," Harm looked up and laughed sarcastically, "There is a reasonable explanation for this. It must have been those muffins Lt. Sims made. She makes these lemon poppy seed muffins, and I probably ate four or five of them yesterday. I didn't have time for lunch. You know how it is. I didn't know that I was going to have these tests run today. I'm sure it skewed the results. I think you need to rerun this test!"
"Commander."
"I've had a cold and took this cough syrup for several days. The stuff is loaded with..."
"Commander, let's talk about the symptoms you're denying..."
"This will end my flight status and maybe my Naval career."
"Flight status yes...Naval career maybe... depending."
********
Harm held his file with the letter debating the best way to inform the Admiral of his situation. His situation he thought despondently. If he didn't inform the Admiral, Captain Wallace would. It had been almost a year ago that he had walked into the Admiral's office requesting leave to go find Mac and bring her home. He had been denied leave then. The Admiral had been less than understanding then and that had been Mac. Chegwidden liked Mac...respected the hell out of her. He didn't know what Chegwidden thought of him. Oh there was not much guess work to that...not much at all. Now what would happen, Harm thought. He was certainly screwed now, and he had no one to blame but himself. Oh how he needed this job...for Mattie.
If he lost his career now no one would want to hire him, Mattie depended on him to take care of her. He would join the thousands of uninsured. Wallace said that his career in the Navy depended...first on Chegwidden.
"Hey Sailor, you look like someone ate your last cookie," Mac teased as she stopped by his office.
Harm was surprised to see a hint of the old Mac shine through after the past weeks of irritability. "Someone did," he smiled back half- heartedly.
She stepped into his office and closed the door behind her. "Is everything alright with Mattie?"
"Mattie's started smoking, promises she'll try to quit," Harm replied softly debating whether to share more.
"Teenagers do that sort of thing. Don't be surprised if you catch her with a boy next," Mac smiled bringing a look of pain to Harm's handsome features.
"I am so not ready for that," he rubbed his forehead.
"Something else bothering you?"
Harm looked at the file he held and then back to Mac, "How are you doing Mac?" he paused and with more emphasis and sincerity added, "How are you really doing?"
"I'm fine..." she stopped when she saw the intensity of his gaze, "I have my good days and my bad days. Today is a good day," she added with a smile and eased herself into a chair. "Thanks for asking. I know I've been rather peevish lately."
Harm raised his eyebrows in amusement and mouthed the word 'peevish'? "I would have used another word."
"I'll just bet you would. It probably rhymes with witchy," Mac smiled slyly.
"You still going to counseling?" Harm asked innocently.
"No, but the door's still open if I want to," Mac examined Harm's expression seeing tension lines around his eyes. "What about you Harm? How are you doing?"
His gaze dropped and he paused before answering, "Not too good, I've lost my flight status for good this time," he said surprising himself at how easily the confession came.
"Harm? What happened?" Mac sat up leaning towards him.
He passed the file with his latest medical evaluation over to Mac watching her face as she reached for the folder as if he was handing over a deadly snake.
The controlled shock and disappointment in her eyes made Harm get up from his desk chair and pace to his window.
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