Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: JAG and characters do not belong to me. They belong to CBS and whoever. This has some parallels to "Romancing the Stone," but is more of a spoof. Also the characters are borrowed from my son!
Classification: PG-13
Category: Humor
Summary: This is a virtual season episode so everything as to remain as it would be in the current season. I used script form to help make it more like a TV episode. Mac and Bud go Columbia to investigate a smuggling ring involving four Coast Guard crew members. When Mac and the four Coasties disappear Harm is sent to find them.
Cartagena, Columbia
Four young American men meet two Colombian men in a shady bar on the outskirts of Cartagena. One of the Colombians pulls out a small cloth bag and pours out four large green jewels. Money is exchanged, and the young men depart. Just as they reach the port of Cartagena, they are being held, at gunpoint, by the local police.
JAG Headquarters Admiral Chegwidden's office The next day.
Colonel Mac Mackenzie and Lt. Bud Roberts sit across Admiral AJ Chegwidden's desk.
ADMIRAL CHEGWIDDEN Colonel, I want you and Mr. Roberts to go to Cartagena this afternoon to the USCG Cutter Reliance. Four crew members are being held in the local jail for buying emeralds, which are worth several hundred thousand dollars, with the intent to smuggle them out of the country. The Admiral passes files to Mac and Bud.
MAC But, Sir, the crew members involved are young. The oldest is 22. Where would they get that much money? Do you think they were paid by someone to smuggle the jewels into the US?
BUD (looking at the folder) Or somewhere else in the Caribbean. The Reliance is scheduled to make stops in Bonaire, Curacao, Key West and back to Naval Station Pascagoula.
ADMIRAL Go down and investigate. The Coast Guard is going to receive a lot of bad publicity over this. So let's get this resolved as quickly as possible. Do you have any questions? Dismissed.
Mac and Bud stand at attention and then depart the office. As they walk across the bullpen, they are approached by Commander Harmon Rabb.
HARM (he hands Bud the folder he had been flipping through) Going somewhere?
BUD (smiles) Cartagena, Colombia
HARM (raises his eyebrows and smiles) AH, the tropics! A chance to get away from this DC cold weather again.
MAC (her mouth twitches in a half smile) Investigating a possible smuggling ring involving the Coast Guard.
HARM Wish I could go. Warm tropical breezes and white sandy beaches.
Bud's face breaks into a large smile, until he hears Harriet calling him.
BUD(turns and grins excitedly at his wife) Excuse me, Ma'am, Sir... Harriet, the Colonel and I are about to leave to go to Colombia.
HARRIET (looking disappointed) Aww Bud, you promised replace that broken door.
Bud's expression quickly fades to a look that says 'opps'.
HARM I'm a pretty fair carpenter. How about I come over and fix the door? It would be a good excuse to see little AJ.
BUD (awkwardly) You don't have to do that Sir.
HARM (looking amused) You don't think I can fix a door?
BUD (flustered) No, I mean, yes. But it would be too much trouble.
HARRIET Actually, Commander, you are probably a better carpenter than Bud. That's the reason the door needs to be repaired in the first place. I'll prepare you dinner.
With that she turns just after sticking her tongue out at Bud and walks back to the copy room. Harm smiles and returns to his office leaving Bud and Mac standing near Mac's office.
MAC (smiling) Bud, you're not jealous are you?
BUD (his face turns red) No ma'am, Harriet would never...the Commander wouldn't.
*********
Mac and Bud arrive in Cartagena late that afternoon and go straight to the US embassy where they meet the Captain and XO of the Reliance.
CAPTAIN TUCKER (sits across from the two JAG officers) I talked with my guys, and they swear they were only looking to buy souvenirs.
MAC (with a hint of skepticism) Captain wouldn't you agree that a 10 caret emerald is not your men's normal souvenir?
CAPTAIN TUCKER Petty Officers Torre, VanHuysen, Denney and Blandino have never been in any trouble. They all have high marks on conduct, military bearing and leadership.
BUD But, Sir, what were they doing in the Barro de Colombia buying precious stones. LT. COMMANDER NELSON The crew is instructed to go in groups whenever they are on leave in foreign countries. I believe them when they said they were thought they were buying souvenirs. For heaven's sake, they are practically kids!
MAC Kids who could end up spending twenty years in a Colombian prison. I need to talk with them.
CAPTAIN The ambassador is attempting to negotiate their release, to avoid political repercussions. Since the stones were recovered, I pretty sure this will happen.
******
Cartagena Jail Torre, Blandino, Denney, and VanHuysen sit in a dark, dirty, overcrowded jail cell.
TORRE (The blue-eyed baby faced, tall slender built, young man rubs his short sandy hair nervously. His sarcastic comments hint of a slight southern accent and reveal a perfect smile that probably has melted many a young girl's heart.) How did you even qualify for the Coast Guard VanHuysen? Did you get your little sister to take your ASFAB for you? I can't believe you got us into this mess!
VANHUYSEN (His tall slender form pacing back and forth in the crowded cell. His light olive complexion and green eyed good looks not diminished by his obvious frustration) Excuse me! Someone is having a junior Alzheimer's moment. As I recall, you were the one who was wanting to buy his girlfriend something nice to take back with him.
BLANDINO (laying on a cot with his eyes half open with a lazy grin on his lips. His Cajun accent and dark completion a contrast to the other Coasties) My mama would have been so impressed with that big green rock. She would have made gumbo ya ya for me! TORRE, VANHUYSEN, DENNEY Shut up Blandino!
DENNEY (the largest and most muscular of the four leans back against the wall. His black curly hair and dark eyes contribute to his freckle faced boyish good looks.) The Captain will probably give us 45 and 45 for this. The screw up fairy strikes again.
TORRE (exasperated) You only hope we get 45 days restriction to the boat and 45 days extra military duty! We may end up serving 20 years in this smelly rat hole.
Mac, Bud and Captain Tucker enter the corridor outside the jail cell where the young men sit.
DENNEY (standing up straight) Attention!
All of the young enlisted men jump to attention
CAPTAIN TUCKER At ease. Petty Officers Torre, Blandino, Denney and VanHuysen, this is Lt. Colonel Mackenzie and Lt. Roberts from JAG corp. They will be investigating the allegations. You need to cooperate with them to the fullest. I just received word that you are being released into my authority. This doesn't mean you are off the hook. You will still face charges. I'm leaving to finish the paper work while Colonel Mackenzie and Lt. Roberts talk with you.
MAC (looks at the four young men noting their frightened demeanor) Okay, who is going to tell me what happened?
VANHUYSEN (his green eyes and large smile sparkle) Ma'am, if I may say so. We truly appreciate the assistance of the Judge Advocate's Office. I'm sure you are an excellent investigator, as well as attorney, and will help find the truth in this matter.
The other petty officers roll their eyes.
Mac stares back seriously at the young man and raises one eyebrow.
MAC (sternly) Petty Officer VanHuysen, you need to cut the crap and realize sucking up will not help your case. If you want to help, you need to tell me exactly what happened, and don't leave out a burp or a...well I think you understand. Do I make myself perfectly clear?!
VANHUYSEN (shocked) Perfectly, Ma'am!
The Robert's apartment 1900 EST
Harm has just finished hanging a new door to the Robert's bedroom.
HARM (wearing jeans, a blue T-shirt and a gray plaid flannel shirt) Good as new! (He steps back to admire his work)
HARRIET (holding little AJ, her tone of voice sweet) Thank you so much, Commander.
HARM (smiles softly) Remember, Harriet, it's Harm.
HARRIET (nods and gestures for him to follow her) Okay, Harm...dinner is ready if you are.
HARM (He walks to the sink and washes his hands) You didn't have to cook for me Harriet.
HARRIET Oh, it's no trouble. Besides, I would kind of like to talk...about Bud...and our baby.
HARM (frowns in concern) Sure, Harriet.
They move into the dining room where Harriet places little AJ in a high chair.
HARM (adjusts his chair and smiles) This looks terrific Harriet.
They finish eating the meal and are drinking coffee. Harriet has placed little AJ on the floor with some toys.
HARRIET Sometimes I think Bud is handling 'it' better than me, but lately I don't know. He seems moody and angry at times. When I ask him what is going on, he clams up and changes the subject. I'm afraid that we are growing apart. How can I get him to talk with me about how he feels?
Harriet wipes tears from her eyes.
HARM (shifts in his chair as if he is uncomfortable) Most guys aren't able to open up...You grow up with all these messages that tell you to suck it up and take it like a man. Then, whenever the time comes to share those emotions, you can't.
HARRIET (looks carefully at Harm and nods affirmatively) After meeting Big Bud, I can understand that. Before we lost baby Sarah, Bud used to talk to me. I asked him about seeing a grief counselor.
HARM (softly) What did he say?
HARRIET (looking down at AJ) He said he didn't want to talk with a stranger about his feelings.
Harm looks sympathetically at Harriet and reaches over and pats her hand.
HARRIET (looks pleadingly at Harm) I thought maybe if you would talk with him. He respects you and would listen to you.
HARM Harriet, I don't know that I'm the best person to talk about sharing one's feelings.
He pauses and sees her pleading look
HARM I'll try, but just don't give up on him. I know that he loves you and AJ more than anything in the world.
HARRIET (smiles) Thank you, Harm.
Cartage Jail 1600
Mac, Bud and the four petty officers exit the building housing the jail.
MAC You guys are lucky the Colombian officials were so understanding. Now you will just have to face charges at home.
TORRE (his large blue eyes round with frustration) Ma'am, how are we supposed to prove our innocence once we leave Colombia. The men who sold us those jewels are the only ones who can prove that we were only trying to buy, what we thought were inexpensive jewels.
Mac sighs and observes the handsome young men looking to her for help.
MAC (sighs and shakes her head) Bud, take the paperwork over to the embassy. I'll go with these guys to the bar where this purchase took place and see if we can find some answers.
Across the street, in an older model American car, sit two men watching.
FIRST MAN (His dark eyes staring intently at the group. His hispanic features give him a slightly dashing appearance) We will follow them and find out what they did with the green rock.
SECOND MAN (Also hispanic but is overweight and somewhat sloppy in his appearance) Once we get the jewel back, what will we do with them?
FIRST MAN (evilly) We will kill them.
Barro de Columbia
Mac hesitantly enters the dark filthy bar, flanked by the four young Coast Guard petty officers.
MAC (frustrated) What in the world would possess you to come to a dive like this? Didn't your mother teach you about staying away from the wrong side of town?
VANHUYSEN (his Boston accent more noticeable) I'm sorry we had to bring a highly respected officer such as yourself to such a lowly place, Ma'am.
Mac rolls her eyes in response.
MAC Don't fret VanHuysen, I been in worse dives than this one.
DENNEY (a Texas drawl makes his comment more believable) Let's ask the bartender who the men were. I used to serve beer in a bar in Dallas. I knew everyone who was a regular.
BLANDINO (with a bemused Cajun tone) I'm impressed Denney! You actually had a job before you joined.
DENNEY (grinning) It was my uncle's bar. I didn't get paid. I just got all the free beer I could drink.
TORRE (laughing) By the looks of your gut, your uncle would have gone out of business if you had stuck around much longer.
MAC (shakes her head) That's enough. Let's go talk with the bartender. Torre, come with me. The rest of you cover our backs.
The three petty officers share an amused look as they watch Mac stroll up to the bar. BLANDINO (whispers to the other two) She sure is hot. Maybe I should have joined the Marines.
VANHUYSEN She has an engagement ring on, stupid!
DENNEY (sarcastically) Oh, too bad. I'm sure she would have fallen all over herself trying to impress us if it weren't for that. Besides Blandino, in the Marines you have to walk everywhere. At least in the Coast Guard we get to ride on boats.
Mac approaches the bartender and begins to introduce herself and Petty Officer Torre.
BARTENDER (waves his hand and shakes his head negatively) No speak English! No speak English!
Mac turns to the others
MAC Do any of you speak Spanish?
They all shake their heads.
MAC Great, if we can't communicate then we had better leave and come back with a translator.
One of the men from the car approaches. FIRST MAN (smiles and bows lightly) May I be of assistance Colonel? I am Captain Ricardo Estrada with the Cartagena police. (He shows her his identification)
MAC We are looking for some men who were here a two nights ago, when these four were here. I need to speak with them.
Estrada translates her message to the bartender who replies.
ESTRADA He says they come in only once in a while. He does not know who they are.
TORRE (disappointed) Looks like we are screwed, ah I mean sunk Ma'am.
ESTRADA (looking concerned) Describe these men to me. I may be able to help you locate them.
Torre quickly describes the men who sold them the jewels.
ESTRADA (his expression lights up) They work just outside of town. I can take you to them.
MAC (relieved) Would it be too much trouble?
ESTRADA I am as anxious as you to find out who is smuggling the precious jewels from our country. Follow me in my vehicle.
Estrada and the other man led Mac and the four petty officers out of the city limits. The scenery becomes more jungle-like as they travel down poorly maintained dirt roads.
TORRE (driving) I've never been this far away from the boat.
MAC (feeling uneasy) I think we need to find a place to turn around and come back when there is more light.
DENNEY Look he's turning off. We must be almost there.
Torre turns their vehicle down another dirt road and comes to a stop next to Estrada's vehicle. They all get out of their vehicles.
ESTRADA (he points towards a narrow pathway into the jungle) It is just this way. These plantations are always located in remote areas.
They follow Estrada while the second man flanks the Americans. They arrive at a run down shack.
MAC (feeling uneasy) I don't understand. I thought that you said that the men we were searching for worked on a plantation? I don't see anyone.
Estrada turns, holding a handgun pointed at them. They look around and see that the second man also holds a gun.
ESTRADA You see Colonel. We are also looking for these men. They stole our precious emeralds, and were attempting to get them out of the country where they had friends who would steal them away from your young friends. I'm afraid if you find them they will tell you about our little smuggling business, and I could not have that happen.
MAC (indignantly) There will be American Marines looking for us before dark. You should let us go! You will be in trouble with your government as well as with the United States!
ESTRADA (ignoring Mac's threat) But your young friends still have the most valuable jewel of all. We call it the Rock. *******
Admiral Chegwidden's office Next day 0800
Harm has been called into his office and stands watching the Admiral pace.
ADMIRAL You will be leaving immediately to Cartagena. Lt. Roberts just called and reported that Colonel Mackenzie and the four Coast Guard petty officers are missing. He said they were going to a bar to try to find the men who supposedly sold the emeralds to the petty officers in the first place. They never reported back that evening. The Captain of the Reliance notified the Marines stationed there and a thorough search of the area was conducted. They found nothing. I want you to go and find Colonel Mackenzie. Do you have any questions? Good. Tiner has your travel arrangements. Keep me informed!
Harm looks worried and quickly exits the Admiral's office.
*******
Cartagena, Colombia US Embassy 1600
Harm, Bud, Captain Tucker and the Ambassador are seated around a table.
HARM (exasperated) I find it hard to believe no one has seen them.
BUD (observing Harm's increasing agitation responds) Sir, I went with the search team. The locals deny seeing them.
CAPTAIN TUCKER We did locate the bar where the Colonel and my men went, but the bartender said that they asked some questions and left. He did not know where they went.
HARM Most of the locals don't speak English. I know Colonel Mackenzie doesn't speak Spanish. Did your four guys speak the language?
CAPTAIN TUCKER (his eyebrows furrow in thought) No.
HARM (he looks to the Captain and then to Bud) Well, who translated for them?
BUD I don't know sir. We had a translator with us, and I didn't think about that. I'm sorry sir.
HARM Well, I'm going back. Is there someone who could translate for me? I know a little, but I don't want to miss anything. Bud, call the Admiral and update him.
Ambassador The local police want to be involved. One of the officers will go with you as a translator, Commander. I must remind you that some areas of the city are not safe for anyone.
*******
Barro de Colombia 1730
Harm and a Hispanic police officer, named Monsivos, enter the bar where they receive hostile glares. In Spanish, Harm introduces himself.
HARM (turns slightly towards the police officer) Ask the bartender who was the translator for the woman Marine yesterday.
Monsivos speaks in Spanish to the bartender and receives a response.
MONSIVOS He said that a man named Estrada spoke for the woman. The Colonel and the seaman followed Estrada out of the bar.
HARM Ask him where we may find this Estrada.
Again the Monsivos translates Harm's message and receives another response.
MONSIVOS He does not know where to find this man. I don't think he wants to tell you sir.
HARM (rubs his forehead in frustration) At least we have a name.
MONSIVOS Commander, I can take you to one of my contacts who could help us and I'll get one of my men to go with us. One never knows what danger may lie ahead.
After questioning Monsivos's contact, Harm, Monsivos and two Colombian police officers travel the same road that Mac and the others had gone before. The further they drive the more ill at ease Harm becomes. He notices the two policemen exchanging nervous looks between themselves. He wishes he had brought a handgun with him, but it was too late.
Their vehicle pulls off the road and travels about a mile when they are suddenly stopped by gunmen in the middle of the road. The policemen quickly surrender their weapons, much to Harm's dismay.
Harm slowly exists the vehicle and pretends to stumble to the ground. One of the gunmen walks over and begins to speak loudly in Spanish. Harm suddenly lunges at the man, throwing him off balance. He then dashes into the jungle as gunfire zips past him. He runs through the heavy tropical growth, tripping over vines and fallen branches before he reaches a clearing.
A small shack stands isolated from the road...
Inside the shack, Mac and the four Coasties sit on the dirt floor, their feet and hands bound tightly to prevent their escape.
BLANDINO (he shifts his body to try to find a more comfortable position) Colonel, do you think that partner of yours will send someone to look for us?
MAC (looks sympathetically at the four young men) I know Lt. Roberts has someone looking for us as we speak. I expect someone anytime. What rock was Estrada talking about?
DENNEY (looking worried) I don't know. Maybe there was another emerald. I wish help would come and right now wouldn't be too soon.
TORRE That Estrada guy said he would be returning this afternoon. I'm afraid we'll be history after that.
VANHUYSEN (squirms anxiously trying to loosen the rope that ties his hands) Thank you, now we are all refreshed and challenged by that thought, Torre!
MAC (looks confidently at VanHuysen and Torre) As long as he thinks one of you has that emerald, you should be safe for now.
VANHUYSEN But he could still kill all but one of us.
A noise disturbs their conversation. The sound of someone pounding at the lock on the door becomes louder, and then the door suddenly flies open. The bright light temporarily blinds them as a figure steps into the room.
HARM (sounding relieved) Mac!
MAC (sounding surprised) Harm?
BLANDINO (fearfully) Who's he gonna harm?
Harm rushes over to Mac and uses his pocket knife to cut the ropes that bind her hands and legs. She reaches up and hugs him.
VANHUYSEN (amused) I don't think he plans on harming anyone.
Harm turns around and quickly cuts the ropes on the others.
MAC (smiling) This is Commander Harmon Rabb of JAG.
DENNEY (confused) I figured they would send in the Marines to rescue us instead of another lawyer. No disrespect intended, Sir.
MAC (Laughs) I guess you really do know where I am Flyboy.
HARM (smiles) I told you I did. My timing isn't that bad either. I may not be the Marines...and in this case it looks like the Marines and Coast Guard needed a little help from the Navy. We need to get out of here, guys!
TORRE Ma'am does he follow you everywhere you go?
Harm turns and gives Torre an odd look and shakes his head a little amused.
The six eased out of the shack looking for Estrada's men and then headed down a path into the dense tropical forest.
HARM I think some of the local police may be connected with this Estrada person.
MAC How did you know?
HARM Because they led me to some of his men, with the intent to have me ambushed.
MAC Estrada is with the Cartagena police. He's the one who tied us up. He thinks these guys have some valuable emerald he called the Rock.
TORRE (interrupts somewhat anxiously) Excuse me Sir, but there is no one else with you?
HARM Just me. We will have to avoid that main road for a while. Estrada's men will expect us to try to get back to Cartagena that way.
Suddenly the sound of bullets hitting the trees next to them sends them running deeper into the tropical forest.
MAC This way. I hear a river. We can follow it.
The sounds of gunfire and shouting in Spanish can be heard behind them.
Breathless they come to the edge of a large waterfall. They are trapped with no where else to run.
HARM (yells over the sound of roar of the waterfall) We have to jump!
The four Coasties exchange a frightened look. Mac looks into the river and turns to Harm.
MAC (yells) This looks dangerous, and we don't know what creatures could be in this river!
HARM (looks frustrated) Mac, I do know that what's behind us is dangerous, and those creatures are carrying guns!
He then gives her a push and jumps in at the same time into the white spray of water at the bottom of the falls.
The four Coasties shrug their shoulders and jump in behind them.
********
Somewhere down the river
Harm pulls Mac towards a small sand bank along the river's edge. Torre, Denney, Blandino and VanHuysen stumble ashore, breathless and coughing.
Mac stands at the edge of the water and turns to Harm in a rage.
MAC (indignant and angry) You pushed me!
She gives him a shove causing Harm to fall back into the river.
HARM (incredulously) Why did you do that?
MAC (Water is dripping down her hair and face. She is consumed with anger.) You didn't give me a chance to look for another way out! Look at me!
HARM (suppressing a grin) I must tell you Mac, whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Mac folds her arms across her chest ready to respond.
VANHUYSEN (trying to distract the angry Marine) I must say, Ma'am, you look exceptional in that wet uniform.
Mac glares at him.
HARM (grinning) VanHuysen, I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
Harm starts laughing as he begins to stand up. Mac looks at the laughing men around her. Her eyebrow raises and a sly smile crosses her lips. She then offers Harm a hand as he starts to step out of the river. As soon as he reaches the bank's edge, she gives him one more shove back into the river.
HARM Hey!
The four young men burst into another fit of laughter with Mac joining in.
MAC (her hands resting on her hips with a smug look on her face) I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter. So, Squid, if you're through playing around, we better start trying to find civilization.
She then turns towards the dense jungle with the young men scrambling after her. Her wet uniform hugging every curve of her body.
Harm climbs out of the river and watches her walk away thinking 'exceptional.'
Admiral Chegwidden's office
ADMIRAL (agitated) Mr. Roberts, now you say Commander Rabb as well as Colonel Mackenzie are missing?!
BUD (over the speaker phone) Yes, Sir. He and one of the local police went to the same bar as Colonel Mackenzie. We haven't heard from the Commander or the police officer.
ADMIRAL (leans back into his chair obviously frustrated) Damn! Keep me informed.
The intercom buzzes.
TINER (over the intercom) Sir, Mic Brumby is looking for Colonel Mackenzie, and Miss Peterson is here also.
ADMIRAL (leans forward and rubs his forehead) Send them in.
Mic and Renee enter. The Admiral stands and gestures for them to sit in chairs across from his desk.
MIC (his brow furrowed in concern) Admiral, I haven't heard from Sarah in two days. She told me she would call.
RENEE (looks from Mic to the Admiral) Same story. Where is Harm?
ADMIRAL (carefully) Mic, Mac was investigating a case with four Coast Guard petty officers. They disappeared two days ago. I sent Harm to see what was going on, and now I've been told he's missing.
MIC (his eyes are round with worry) Bloody hell! What happened?
ADMIRAL (taking a deep breath before he precedes) Mic, there is no need to panic. Mac and Harm have been in tight scrapes together before, and they always manage to survive.
RENEE (responds unconsciously) Together as usual.
MIC (looks at Renee shocked and then turns to the Admiral) You think they are together?
ADMIRAL (looks awkwardly to the pair sitting before him, carefully thinking about how to phase his next reply) They have always looked after each other. You need to hope that they are together, because they have always made a good pair...on assignments that is.
RENEE (eyebrows raise in doubt) Could you let me know whenever you hear something Admiral?
ADMIRAL (nodding) I will have Harm call you as soon as he surfaces. I'm sure that we will hear something soon.
Renee stands and leaves Mic standing in the Admiral's office
MIC (determined) Admiral, I want to go down to Cartagena.
ADMIRAL (frowning) I don't think that would be a good idea. First of all you could get in the way of an official JAG investigation.
MIC (sarcastically) That's right, I have to remind myself I'm not in uniform.
ADMIRAL (his voice softer but with decisiveness) Mic, I don't think Mac would appreciate your interference in her investigation. You need to trust her and Commander Rabb.
MIC (with resignation) So I'm supposed to sit and wait. Seems like I do that quite often lately.
********
Renee walks past Lt. Harriet Sims
HARRIET (smiling) Oh, hi Renee!
Seeing Renee's worried expression Harriet continues.
HARRIET Renee, is everything all right?
RENEE Yea, if you call Harm disappearing again.
HARRIET (looking confused) Ma'am?
RENEE (sighs and responds sadly) Harm is on another assignment where no one knows where he is...but Mac.
HARRIET (looking sympathetically) I'm sure the Commander will return soon.
RENEE (her arms are folded tightly against her body) Just as I begin to believe that maybe...
She stops short and smiles.
HARRIET (she reaches out and squeezes Renee's arm in a reassuring gesture) You need to trust the Commander, Renee. He would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.
RENEE (with a smile that is insincere) That's what people keep saying. It's the unintentional I'm concerned about.
She then turns and leaves. Harriet watching her ponders her own feelings about trusting Bud.
HARRIET (talking to herself) Maybe I haven't been trusting Bud to work through his feelings either.
Somewhere in the jungles of Colombia, hours later
Harm, Mac, and the four Coasties walk towards a clearing.
BLANDINO Hey guys, it's an airfield! Look, there is a hanger. I bet it's used for transporting drugs!
They walk over to the hanger and open the large doors to find an airplane.
Harm and Mac exchange a look that implies they share the same thoughts.
MAC Harm, do you think it still flies?
HARM There is just one way to find out.
The group walks to the plane, and Harm looks at the engine. He turns around and scans the room for parts.
HARM This looks like an old cocaine lab. If we have fuel, we can get this to fly.
DENNEY (taps on some large metal drums) We got fuel.
HARM (looks at the four petty officers) Now what do you do on the Reliance?
VANHUYSEN Torre's an electrician's mate, and the rest of us are machinery techs.
HARM (looks at Mac and smiles) Well, boys, let's get to work and get this plane ready to fly.
BLANDINO (eyeing the old plane) Sir, we've never worked on airplanes before, just boats.
TORRE (tapping the side of the plane) Well, if we can't get it to fly, maybe we can get it to float in the water.
They all chuckle and begin to pick up tools.
****** Several hours later
MAC (looks exhausted) How much longer?
HARM (his butt hanging out of the engine compartment) A couple more hours at least. Why?
MAC Well for one thing, I'm hungry. We haven't eaten in two days.
Harm stops what he's doing and turns to Mac.
HARM (wiping grease and sweat from his face) Why don't you take VanHuysen and go look for something to eat. We're in a jungle, and you're a Marine. (a smile crosses his face)
MAC (returns a half smile) Sounds like a good idea.
HARM (seriously) Be careful! And if you come across Estrada remember to duck.
MAC (over her shoulder) Remember, I'm a Marine, and we take cover.
Thirty minutes later
BLANDINO (stretching and looking out the hanger doorway) It's beginning to rain again!
TORRE (frustrated) Yea, all of the dampness keeps shorting out these fuse connections!
HARM (looks up from the engine) Denney, why don't you find something dry to burn in that wood stove over there. It may take some of the moisture out of the room.
DENNEY Yes, Sir (He rummages around the room and finds old newspaper bundles and starts a fire) Look what else I found! A tape player and some cassettes! I guess our drug boys like Garth! And some snacks!
He pops in a tape, and the sound of thunder fills the hanger as the country singer's words of 'The Thunder Rolls' serenade them, as they continue to work intently on the old plane.
Another hour passes as Harm, Torre, Blandino and Denney put the finishing touches on the plane.
TORRE (stands and stretches) I'm beat! I'm sooo tired, but have you ever noticed how colorful all the wires are. I mean there are red ones, white ones, black ones and even a few yellow. They are just beautiful.(he stares at the inside of the instrument panel and smiles)
BLANDINO (rubs his eyes and laughs) I feel like I've drank a whole keg of Corona by myself! I wish I had one right now... I'm starved! Where are those snacks you found Denney?
Denney pulls out a box and tosses Blandino and Torre a cello wrapped snack of some sort of chips and grabs one for himself.
DENNEY (chuckles sleepily and tosses a chip into his mouth and crunches loudly) Sir, would you like a snack? (he says though his mouth is full)
Harm stretches and wipes his hands with a rag and realizes how hungry he feels. HARM What are those?
BLANDINO (munching loudly on the crunchy snack) Just a little flavor of the south, sir.
He then pours a handful of the odd looking snack into Harm's hand. Harm bites into one, and his face lights up.
HARM These are really really good! (He continues to pop them into his mouth savoring each bite)
They all sit down on the floor leaning against crates and the airplane enjoying Denney's discovery. Denney reaches into the box and retrieves a six pack of root beer and receives applause from his fellow aircraft mechanics. He tosses each a can, and they drink the hot soda like it was a cold beer on a hot day in Texas.
DENNEY (takes another hit from his root beer and wipes his mouth with his hand obviously enjoying the taste. He then belches loudly bringing about an overzealous burst of laughter from the others) Excuse me Sir...Sir, I must say...for an officer...you know how to get around an engine! Do you know what we call the officers on board our boat?...passengers.
Denney, Torre and Blandino laugh to the point of tears.
Harm looks as them through blurred vision and chuckles. He feels light headed and giddy. He notices for the first time an odd odor but can't concentrate enough to identify it.
HARM (his voice a little slurred as the tape player in the background blasts out the tone of a familiar song.) Well, you know what they say...I've got friend in low places.
They all burst into a fit of laughter and begin to sing along. HARM, TORRE, DENNEY, AND BLANDINO (singing and swaying to the music)
...Cause I've got friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I'll be okay
I'm not big on social graces
Think I'll slip on down in low places
Oh I've got friends in low places....
Mac and VanHuysen appear at the entrance to the hanger. Mac's stands angrily with arms crossed firmly across her chest. VanHuysen, holding a large bunch of wild bananas, looks sheepishly to Mac.
VANHUYSEN (carefully) I guess we got back in time for the party.
Harm spots Mac and waves her over to where they sit and sing.
HARM (his eyes glassy, and he chuckles) Mac! You're wet again! Did I tell you that you look EXCEPTIONAL in that wet uniform!
Torre, Blandino, and Denney burst into uncontrolled laughter.
Mac's eyebrow raises. VanHuysen smothers his laughter with a cough.
HARM (gesturing for Mac to come sit by him) We saved you some root beer and whatever these things are. They are really good! They are a little flavor of the south. (He chuckles and holds up one of the chips) What are these? (he turns towards Blandino)
BLANDINO (smiling broadly and begins slowly reading the label from the package) They're pork rinds Sir. Fried pig skins with salt, chili peppers, monosodium glutamate.
HARM (smiles and looks innocently at Mac) They have all the four basic food groups, meat, vegetables, salt, artificial additives and grease. Nope not four but five of the basic food groups... Mac you will love them!
MAC (not believing what she is seeing) You are stoned!
HARM (stands and almost loses his balance as he strolls towards Mac) No we're not! We're just...what are we? We are just really happy because we fixed the plane. (turns towards the three Coasties sitting on the floor next to the aircraft)
TORRE, BLANDINO and DENNEY (nod seriously in agreement) That's right Ma'am.
TORRE We have either a flying boat or a floating airplane!
The others respond in spasms of laughter.
Mac grabs Harm's arm and starts to whisper curtly in his ear. MAC You're so high that you wouldn't need an airplane to fly!
HARM (burst out laughing) That's a good one Mac. (He turns to the others) She thinks I'm Superman. But I'm really Batman, and she's Robin.
The others laugh so hard that Blandino rolls on the ground. VanHuysen, unable to restrain his amusement any longer, joins in the laughter.
Mac looks like she would like to strangle Harm. She pulls him to the door of the hanger and opens it wide open.
MAC (she tries to stifle a smile as they stand face to face with Harm giving her a large flyboy grin) Let's get you some fresh air Flyboy.
MAC (she begins to direct Harm towards the hanger door and turns to VanHuysen) VanHuysen, smother that fire and open all the windows.
Music from the tape player continues to float in the hanger. Mac continues to lead Harm closer to the open door. Harm starts singing again to the words of the tape and pulls Mac around and begins to slow dance with her.
HARM (with emotion he sings. His words filter through her hair as he lays his cheek against her head) A new way to fly Far away from good-bye Above the clouds and the rain The memories and the pain Now the lesson's been learned They've all crashed and burned But they can leave it behind If they could just find A new way to fly.
Mac decides to go along with Harm's behavior so she can get him outside. As he sings, she feels disturbing emotions welling up and unconsciously places her arms around his neck and looks at him sadly.
HARM (continues singing softly and smiling drowsily at Mac) It's a high price to pay To just find a way to get by But it's worth every dime If they find a new way to fly
The song ends, Harm leans forward towards her face.
HARM (staring into her eyes) Sarah, have I ever told you that you have the most beautiful brown eyes?
He leans even closer but, before their lips meet, Mac regains her composure and pushes Harm outside and pulls him down to a sitting position
MAC If you're going to fly us out of hear in the morning, I need to get you sobered up.
HARM (looks a little confused) Mac, I haven't had anything, scout's honor! But my head feels funny.
He leans against her shoulder and slowly falls asleep. Mac allows his head to fall easily into her lap where she strokes his hair.
VANHUYSEN (taps gently at the door to announce his presence to Mac) Ma'am, I found out that Denney thought he was burning old newspaper. It was marijuana wrapped in old newspaper. I guess it was left over by our drug boys. I don't think they even noticed the fumes. The plane looks like all the parts are where they are supposed to be.
MAC Well, let's hope so. I think we are going to be dealing with some wiped out sailors in the morning.
VANHUYSEN Ma'am, Torre, Denney, and Blandino are all right. We may drink a little beer, but we don't do drugs.
MAC (looking at Harm who is sleeping peacefully in her lap) That's pretty obvious, wouldn't you say.
VANHUYSEN (smiling) Yes, Ma'am. I guess you think we're pretty stupid. You know with the emeralds and now this.
MAC (her expression serious) No... maybe a little naive. (she smiles)
VanHuysen nods and returns to his buddies. He places folded blankets under his now sleeping friends' heads and lays down himself listening to slow somber melody of 'Same Old Story'.
Mac sighs as she listens to the music in the background.
While they dance How she holds him Pulls him close And loves him so While he dreams of another And counts the days Until he lets her go
Same old story That everybody knows It's one heart holdin' on One letting go...
Cartagena, Colombia police department
ESTRADA They will surface soon. I have my men looking for them. Perhaps, they will have the 'Rock' with them.
UNIDENTIFIED MAN (angrily) You better hope so. That 'Rock' is payment to Carlos for the two tons of cocaine he has provided. If he does not receive his payment by tomorrow, you will be a dead man. Your men where stupid to think they could get away with stealing the emeralds.
ESTRADA (sneers) They are food for the crocodiles, as will be our US military friends, when we catch up with them.
Deserted aircraft hanger somewhere in the jungles of Colombia.
Mac awakens to the sound of wildlife chirping in the jungle and early sun rays beaming through the thick tropical forest. She realizes her legs are asleep from being under Harm's upper body weight, as he continues to sleep deeply.
MAC (her voice sounds slightly amused) Time to wake up, 'Flyboy'.
She smiles as she thinks of the new implications of her use of his pet name.
MAC (softly to herself with a smile) Yea 'Flyboy', you will owe me big time after this.
Harm begins to stir and slowly pushes to an upright position and rubs his head.
MAC Have a headache?
HARM (his mouth dry) A little. I guess the fumes got to me working in that hanger.
MAC I guess they did. You guys inhaled enough marijuana to make Woodstock seem tame.
HARM (shocked) Mac, you are kidding, right?
MAC You and the others were flying pretty high when VanHuysen and I returned with dinner.
HARM (moans) I told Denney to burn something to dry out the hanger. I better check on the plane.
He rises and a wave of dizziness hits him.
MAC (steadies him) Remember next time, 'just say no'.
HARM (rolls his eyes) Cute, Marine.
MAC (smiling) I also found out that you are a closet pork rindoholic! (she giggles) Oh and I don't think Garth needs to worry about competition...FLYBOY.
HARM (looks confused at first and then remembers the events from the night before. He shakes his head and walks over to the plane. He turns and replies mischievously) I'll make a deal with you. You forget about last night, and I want tell anyone that I found you with your legs and arms bound in a small rather cozy location with four young men.
MAC (the smile falls from her face in shock) You wouldn't!
HARM (smiles and turns back to the hanger and calls out to the sleeping Coasties) Get up guys! We need to get out of here!
********
VANHUYSEN (nervously) Do you think this thing will fly?
TORRE Remember we said if it doesn't, then it should make a great boat!
HARM (turning on switches and checking gauges) Everyone belted in? (whispering) Say a prayer.
The engine sputters and goes dead. Harm again attempts to start the engine and again it sputters but fails.
MAC (looks hopefully towards her partner) Third time's a charm.
Harm looks worriedly and tries once more. This time the plane motor begins to hum and the propellers spin.
Relieve covers his face as he taxes the plane down the runway. As the end of the runway appears closer and closer, Mac's eyes grow large as she realizes they need to lift off the ground now. Suddenly, the plane takes off above the jungle.
HARM You weren't worried that I couldn't get this plane off the ground were you?
MAC Yea, the trees looked mighty close.
HARM I haven't crashed with you yet.
MAC What about in Russia when we stole that MIG 29?
HARM We didn't crash...we were shot down and...we ejected.
MAC Oh, I hope we don't have to eject because I didn't see any parachutes.
HARM I don't expect to get shot down today, and like I said I haven't crashed with you yet.
MAC (smiling) The operating term is YET!
Harm grinned at her teasing. It felt good to be able to talk about their past experiences and laugh. In the meantime the Coasties talk and exchange their own banter.
BLANDINO (using a fake female tone of voice) My name is Debbie, and I will be stewardess on this flight. If you would like beverages, then you will have to just wait because opening those soda cans may cause me to break a nail.
DENNEY I know you! You're the Debbie from that academy nominated movie 'Debbie Does Dallas'.
BLANDINO (in his fake female voice) Oh, silly boy! Would you like me to autograph your barf bag?
Harm and Mac look at each other trying not to laugh while Torre and VanHuysen laugh openly at their friends' banter.
HARM I can see the coast line. We should be arriving in Cartagena in the next few minutes.
He looks to Mac thinking 'I hope the landing gear works because the radio doesn't'
The plane circles an airfield on the outskirts of Cartagena, near the Magnelena River. Harm sees that no other plane is needing to land so he begins a decent. Activity on the ground can be seen as soldiers appear to be ready to intercept them as soon as they land.
HARM Let's just hope they are friendly.
The plane lands and taxies to a stop. Immediately, soldiers surround the plane with guns pointing at it's occupants, as they disembark with their hands in the air.
Instructions are shouted in Spanish. Harm understands enough to tell the others to follow the apparent leader. They are escorted to the river and onto a pier to find Estrada waiting for them.
ESTRADA I knew you would eventually come to me. Your craft was picked up on our radar, and you were followed here. Now I must ask you to tell me where you have hidden the Rock or I will have to start feeding you one by one to my friends.
Estrada takes a piece of raw meat and throws it into the river. A loud splashing is noticed as several large crocodiles fight over the meat.
HARM (stares coldly at the captain) We don't know what you are talking about.
ESTRADA (his smile slowly turns to a frown) One of you has the largest emerald in Colombia. It is called the Rock.
MAC (arrogantly) These young men were sold the emeralds by some of your own men. Why would you think that your men would hand over the most valuable emerald in your country to them? They probably sold the other emeralds to the Coasties to throw suspicion away from themselves. I'll bet they still have the Rock as we speak!
ESTRADA (coldly) The men who betrayed me were given the same opportunity as you have to return the Rock to me. They were fed to the crocodiles one by one.
ESTRADA (points to VanHuysen) Take him first, he will be the appetizer!
Two soldiers grab VanHuysen and begin to drag him towards the edge of the pier. Torre, Denney and Blandino look panicked. Harm and Mac look to one another as if communicating some unspoken plan.
MAC I'd rather be fed to the crocodiles than smell the stench of you and your men!
ESTRADA (he sneers) Wait. Perhaps the lady would like to show these men how to die bravely!
The two soldiers let VanHuysen go and approach Mac. As soon as they start to reach for her, she spins around, and her heel catches one of the men and sends him to the ground. She then kicks the second in the abdomen. Harm grabs the gun from Estrada, who is momentarily distracted, and knocks him in the abdomen with the butt of the gun. Torre, Denney and Blandino seeing the action, jump two other soldiers and overpower them.
Harm blocks another soldier who was aiming his gun at Mac and knocks him down. The weapon discharges harmlessly into the air. Estrada takes the moment to get up and begins to run towards a motorboat tied to the pier. Mac picks up a weapon and runs after him.
MAC (pointing the gun at Estrada's back) Hold it right there, or you will be crocodile food.
ESTRADA (stops and slowly begins to turn around) I underestimated you.
He throws a knife, concealed in his hand, that hits Mac's hand holding the gun. She cries out in pain as her weapon falls to the ground. Estrada grabs her and pulls her to the edge of the pier and holds her bleeding hand over the river, where the crocodiles start splashing in a frenzy as blood from Mac's wound drops into the turbulent dark waters.
The four Coasties hold the other soldiers at gun point as Harm runs towards Mac and Estrada.
ESTRADA (sweat is beading on his forehead, his breathing is rapid and has a wild expression on his face) Tell me where the Rock is or your lady will lose her arm!
HARM (stops suddenly and holds a gun pointed at Estrada, his voice deadly serious) Let her go, and I will take you to the Rock.
ESTRADA (laughing evilly) I do not trust you my friend. Slide the gun to me, and I will let the Colonel show me where you have the Rock.
He pushes Mac's hand closer to the water. Mac cries out as a crocodile swims closer.
MAC (panicked) Harm!
Torre, Blandino, Denney and VanHuysen watch helplessly as Mac is leaned even closer to the churning waters.
TORRE (shouts) I have the Rock!
The three other Coasties look surprised.
TORRE I hid it from the police when we were stopped.
ESTRADA (smiles) Give it to me, and she keeps her hand.
TORRE (walks slowly toward Estrada and then reaches into the crouch of his pants. Mac raises her eyebrows a little shocked. Torre pulls out something cupped in his hand and starts to place it into Estrada's hand. He then suddenly throws it into the river.) Go get it if you want it!
Mac elbows Estrada, who lets her go in an attempt to catch the flying object. He grunts in pain and loses his balance and falls into the river, where waiting crocodiles quickly swarm.
Harm runs up the pier and stands with Mac and Torre as they grimace at the feeding frenzy.
Harm gently takes Mac's injured hand and inspects the cut.
HARM (softly) Are you okay? You are going to need stitches.
MAC (smiles) Yea, I'll live to fight another day.
HARM Torre, you didn't have the Rock all this time, did you?
TORRE (sheepishly) I didn't have the emerald if that's what you mean, but I did have A ROCK. I picked it up while you were talking with Estrada.
HARM (smiling broadly) I bet you play a mean hand of poker!
TORRE (smiling) Don't let VanHuysen, Denney and Blandino know. They think I'm clueless.
Harm and Mac stand at the Cartagena pier next to the docked Coast Guard cutter Reliance. Captain Tucker shakes their hands and turns to the four petty officers that stand at ease behind him.
CAPTAIN TUCKER (he clears his throat and maintains a serious tone) I thank you both for clearing my men of the charges. They have received a dressing down about avoiding certain areas and buying items from shady dealers. They also will be getting 45 days restriction to the boat!
HARM (smiles) Sir, your men conducted themselves in a courageous manner and used their ingenuity to save all our sixes. You should be proud of them.
CAPTAIN TUCKER (cracks a small smile) They are good boys, and I'm proud of them. I'm sure by the time we reach home port their little adventure will become larger than life.
MAC (her eyebrow rises) What makes you think that what they did wasn't larger than life? I'll take those four with me in the jungle any day.
Torre, VanHuysen, Denney and Blandino grin from ear to ear. The Captain nods and leaves his four men with Harm and Mac.
Harm shakes hands with each of them, and Mac gives them each a brief hug.
MAC (smiling) Take care and don't take anything from strangers.
TORRE (smiling) Yes, Mom.
HARM (looking at Denney) Don't burn anything you find on a drug run.
DENNEY (large grin covering his face) Yes, Dad.
BLANDINO Sir, Ma'am, when you two get married we would love to take you on a cruise for your honeymoon on the 'Love Boat'.
He waves his hand at the Reliance. The other Coasties join in. Yea!
MAC and HARM (together with a surprised look) We're not engaged.
VANHUYSEN (confused) But Ma'am, you have a ring ...and we thought...you know...they way you two act.
MAC (embarrassed) Commander Rabb and I have worked together for five years. I'm marrying...MIC?
Mic walks over to the group receiving surprised looks from Harm and Mac.
MIC (smiling and reaches around Mac giving her a hug) Sarah, I'm so glad you are all right. I was so worried about you that I had to come down here myself to make sure you were okay.
MAC (guides Mic away from the group and her voice tone a little tense) Mic, you shouldn't have come here. I am on an assignment.
MIC (seriously) Sarah, I was just so worried about you. I had to come. What was that talk about the 'Love Boat'?
MAC (smiles while her eyes appear angry) We will talk about this later.
Meanwhile...
VANHUYSEN (stuttering) Commander, I'm really sorry.
HARM (looks at Mac and Mic then back at the four young men) Don't worry about it. If you guys ever need a lawyer, you know where to find us.
DENNEY (worried tone to his voice) Well, if the Captain decides to run a random drug test we may be needing your services.
VANHUYSEN (smirking) I'll testify that you didn't smoke...you just inhaled.
Harm shakes his head laughing while the others punch VanHuysen playfully and moan at the bad pun.
TORRE The Rock never turned up did it Sir?
HARM Nope, and that means you need to be careful. Estrada's men may still think you guys know where it is.
The Coasties share a look of concern and then shake Harm's hand one last time.
As the four petty officers board the Reliance...
TORRE (frustrated) I think Colonel and the Commander make a perfect pair. I can't believe the Colonel is marrying that bloke.
BLANDINO (sounding disappointed) Yea, it's like finding out that there is no Santa Claus.
DENNEY No Easter Bunny
VANHUYSEN No tooth fairy
BLANDINO (acting shocked) NO TOOTH FAIRY! I'm supposed to have my wisdom teeth removed when we return to home port.
TORRE (teasing) Geez Blandino! You still have your WISDOM teeth! I can't believe you can get any dumber than you already are!
Denney, VanHuysen and Torre chuckle as Blandino playfully punches Torre.
TORRE (smiling and begins to sing, and the others join in) Well, as the song says...I've got friends in low places...
The end
