Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: JAG and characters do not belong to me. This is for
entertainment only.
Classification: PG-13
Category: Harm and Mac angst/romance
Summary: How much do Harm and Mac need each other?
You may want to read "Speechless" but it is not necessary. This could
stand on its own. This occurs during season 6 and Mic and Renee have
departed.
Thanks to Marianne, who beta read and made numerous tedious corrections.
PART 3
Bethesda
ICU
2300
Everyone had left except for Sarah. Arguing with her or ordering her home would have only left her facing disobeying a direct order from her CO. The Admiral didn't have the heart for that.. Too much had happened. So Sarah McKenzie sat alone in the dimly lit ICU waiting room. In her mind the events of the day replayed endlessly.
'If I had not pushed Wright, his gun would not have gone off and hit Harm.' The guilt grew deeper and more painful. 'Bad things happened to people I care about. Mic was right. I don't think I could ever get over if ...' the pain in her chest cut deeply. Too much pain.
She looked at the clock in the room. It was time to go in again. She felt no sense of time like before.
********
The dreams were so strange. One minute they were frightening and the next so comforting. Harm could feel the pain with each breath that the ventilator pumped into his lungs. The tube in his throat felt like it was strangling him, to cough was almost unbearable. Continuous noises that were unfamiliar confused him even more. He wanted to talk, but couldn't. He wanted to move, but could not find the energy. He tried so hard to open his eyes, but his lids felt too heavy. He felt trapped in these dreams.
He remembered seeing someone on a stretcher blood was everywhere.
People were shouting. It looked like him on the stretcher, but it couldn't be. Sarah was standing by; blood covered her uniform. She was crying. Was she hurt? He wanted to go to her. She needed him, but he couldn't move; he couldn't reach her. The pain throbbed in his chest. Sarah sat by his bed. He was so still at first, and then he moved slowly, his brow furrowed. He coughed against the ventilator and seemed to try to move. The nurse suctioned his airway causing him to almost pull away. "Harm, I'm here. The nurse is just trying to help you." Sarah spoke soothingly. She looked hopefully to the nurse. "Is he trying to wake up?"
"I think he's just responding to the discomfort of the tube in his throat."
"Is he hurting?" Distressed, Sarah held his hand tighter.
"I'll give him something." The nurse reassured her.
Sarah stroked his face gently and spoke softly, "It's going to be ok. I won't let you hurt."
He seemed to relax as she continued her gentle touching and reassurances.
The nurse smiled as she injected pain medication slowly into his IV.
The night shift could be a little more lenient with the visitation rules. Tonight Sarah McKenzie could stay at his bedside until this nurse reported off.
"Keep talking to him. I've had many patients tell me they remember things that were said to them when we thought they were unconscious. He seems to be less agitated when you're with him. I'll bring you some coffee." The nurse offered.
He dreamed he was walking towards an airfield. His yellow biplane, Sarah, was ready to take off. As he got closer he began to recognize the pilot. His dad was waving at him to come aboard. He looked young again. Harm almost reached the plane when he heard her calling him....
The nurse came in hurriedly.. The monitor alarm was going off. Sarah backed away as other nurses and a doctor entered The room to began adjusting the ventilator and administering more medication in his IV.
"Harm don't, please don't give up. I need you Harm." Sarah whispered as she watched the activity. Her hands trembled as she held the coffee the nurse had brought her splashing the hot liquid on her hands. But she could feel nothing, except the pain in her heart and the numbness.
As quickly as the episode started, it was over. The monitor was quiet while the continuous rhythm of the ventilator broke the silence. Sarah let out a breath she did not realize she was holding. The nurse who brought her coffee, smiled at her, "He's ok now."
In his dream Harm turned back to look for her. She called him again.
Where was she? He hurt so much. He looked back over his shoulder and saw the biplane taking off without him. He wanted to go back to be with his dad where there was no more pain. But she needed him. He knew she was near. He could feel her touch him and hear her voice. He was so tired...'Sarah I need you.. Where are you,' He called but no one answered.
The night passed slowly as Sarah continued her vigil. He seemed no better or no worse as the sunlight drifted into the window. She bent over and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Sweet dreams Sailor, remember I love you. I always have." She began to walk out of the cubicle, but paused and looked sadly at his still sleeping form before she left.
**********
JAG HQ
0800
Everyone was surprised when she walked in ready for work. Mac seemed to dodge questions about Harm as she buried herself in her work.
"Colonel? I didn't expect you today." The Admiral stood at her doorway.
"I have a lot of work to catch up on, Sir."
"Keeping busy does help I guess."
"Yes, Sir."
Bud stopped by to discuss a case, "I called the hospital.. Commander Rabb seems to be holding his own.. But he hasn't awakened yet."
"He's strong. I'm sure he will pull out of this." She dismissed the comment. Bud looked confused. "Ma'am?"
"Bud, the Henderson case is scheduled for the first of next week. I think we'd better get on it."
"Yes ma'am."
1800
Mac pulled out of the parking lot of JAG headquarters and drove down the Beltway towards her apartment. The radio was blasting to the music of Patsy Cline's Heartaches. Suddenly she pulled into a convenience store and hopped out. She placed her purchase in the passenger seat and drove straight home. The two bottles of gin clinked as she set them on the counter. She kicked off her shoes and poured herself a drink, tonic and gin...
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