Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or its characters. This is just for fun.
Classification: PG
Category: Harm/Mac Humor
Summary: This picks up on When You're Not Trying. Mac and Harm adjust
to married life.
PART 1
JAG HQ
0800
"Gunny, I can't believe you can know what people are thinking or feeling just by watching them walk,"
"It's called behavioral psychology. Nonverbal language is more accurate than verbal. You know body language, Tiner"
"I don't know about that?"
"You have to observe the person for awhile first. Then you can interpret the meaning. Like Commander Rabb for example, since he and the Colonel got hitched he walks in everyday with a kind of a bounce to his step. We know what that means." Gunny grins. "Here he comes now, just watch."
Harm enters the bullpen making long straight rather stiff strides. "Gunny, where is the Richmond file? I've been looking for it for two days." He asks showing no emotion and walks towards his office not speaking to anyone.
"I'll be right on it Sir." Gunny gives Tiner a look.
"I didn't see a bounce in his step." Tiner comments.
"Whenever he walks more like he's marching, well, that means he is angry. I think he's in the dog house." Gunny continues to speculate. He and Tiner continue to observe Harm and both nod in agreement.
"Twenty bucks, he and the Colonel had their first fight." Gunny challenges.
"You're on."
......
1000
JAG bullpen
The sound of breaking glass followed by "Damn!" is heard from the breakroom.
Lt. Bud Roberts sticks his head in the breakroom, "Commander, are you alright?"
"I just spilled hot coffee on my hand and broke my coffee mug." Gee, Bud you are a genius in observation. My hand is not only burned but bleeding from a small cut. This day is just getting better by the minute.
"I'll get you some ice."
"Thanks." At least I wasn't loading a gun. Today I'd probably have shot myself in the foot.
"Sir, is something wrong?" Bud looks at me with genuine concern.
"Besides, minor injuries to my hand, I'm ok thanks for asking."
"OK, Sir." Bud smiles and starts to walk away.
"You have to be a mind reader to be married. No one ever told me you have to be a mind reader." I begin to vent my frustration.
"Excuse me, a mind reader?" Bud seems a little confused.
"Mac says 'There is going to be a reception at the Pentagon tomorrow night at 1900. You are invited, if you want to come. But its up to you.' In which I respond by saying 'I'll try.' End of discussion. I was tied up in Oceana until 2000 that night and didn't make it home until almost 2100, so I missed the reception, no big deal, Right? Noooo. Mac comes home really steamed 'Why didn't you come? I was looking for you. Everyone wanted to meet you. I guess my job is not as important as yours.' Now where did all of that come from. I am not a mind reader." I usually don't use my hands whenever I communicate, but not this time.
Bud frowns and begins to quiz me, "Did you call to let her know you'd be late, Sir?"
"I tried once.... but her line was busy, and I got busy and forgot." I shake my head in frustration.
"You broke one of the cardinal rules of marriage." Bud groans.
"Say again?" I just don't get it.
Bud leans towards me with a serious expression and whispers like he is sharing some top secret information. "There are four cardinal rules for husbands, Sir. Always call, always check in, never assume and always apologize whether you're wrong or not." Then he looks at me for some sort of response.
"I don't get it."
"Don't you see you broke at least three of them. First you didn't call and actually talk with her, second you assumed that it was not important for you to attend the reception, and third." he pauses and with a half smile on his face, "I take it you didn't apologize."
"Bud! She didn't say she wanted me there. Why should I apologize because she didn't communicate clearly with me!" I am astounded that he would dispense such advice.
"Let me give you an example.."
About that time Harriet enters the breakroom, and the conversation comes to a sudden halt. She smiles sweetly and takes some juice from the refrigerator. "You guys look like you've been caught with your hands in the cookie jar."
We both just smile as she looks somewhat suspiciously at Bud. Then she shakes off her suspicion and gives Bud a a tired look, "Bud, I kinda want to go out for dinner tonight. But if you don't want to, I can fix something easy."
Bud smiles and says "OK honey." She smiles back and leaves. "Perfect example. She may have said that it didn't matter if we ate out or not, but what she really said was 'I want to eat out tonight.' See Sir, you have to take out the 'kinda's' or' maybe's' and definitely leave out the 'if you want to's', and what do you get? I want to eat out tonight." I look skeptical, and he continues, "Then you have to make it sound like it was your idea to take her out to eat. Follow me Sir."
We amble over to Harriet's desk, while I look like I'm reading a file nearby. "Harriet, how would you like to try the new Italian place on Jefferson tonight for dinner?" Bud says with enthusiasm.
"Oh Bud, what a wonderful idea. You are such a sweetie." She grins.
Ok, I'm convinced. I head over to my office and pick up the phone and dial Mac's office. She answers, "Hey beautiful, I'm sorry I missed the reception last night. I know it was important to you. Can I make it up and maybe you and I could try that new Italian restaurant on Jefferson tonight." I say in my softest most humble voice.
"I guess so flyboy. You are forgiven for now." I can see her smiling.
"You want to see if Bud and Harriet would like to join us?"
"Great idea, I haven't seen them since I moved to my new position."
Bud is standing at my office door and sees me smile. He gives me the thumbs up which I promptly return. I guess Bud is the man of experience.
.............
Pitano's Restaurant
2000
We had talked and laughed most of the evening. The food was great and the tension from the previous evening had disappeared.
"This evening was so much fun." Mac commented after the conversation had taken a break.
"I agree. It was definitely an improvement over last night." I comment and immediately receive glares from both Mac and Bud. Oh no, I've said something wrong again.
"I mean, spending the evening at Oceana, with a flight Chief was not my idea of a good time." I add rather quickly.
Mac's look softens, and Bud adds "Yesterday was a real tough one at work."
We pay, and the girls leave out ahead of us. "Nice save Sir." Bud whispers.
Marriage is like walking through a mine field, blind folded!
.........
Next day
JAG HQ
"Commander the Admiral needs you in his office immediately."
"Thanks Tiner."
I put down my file and head directly to the Admiral's office.
"I see that bounce in his step you were talking about." Tiner comments to Gunny.
"He must be out of the dog house."
"We never found out what the problem was yesterday."
"Lt. Roberts said 'The Commander and Colonel had a misunderstanding.'"
"You're good, Gunny."
"Hand over the twenty."
...........
Admiral's office
"Commander, there has been a murder on the Coral Sea off the coast of Japan. The captain is not happy with the JAG investigation team from Pearl, so I agreed to send you to finish the investigation. We need to tie up loose ends right away. Tiner is arranging your transportation. You will leave out this afternoon. Here is the file. Any questions?"
"No sir," so much for spending time at home making up. I sigh.
............
"Colonel McKenzie please."
"She's in a meeting with the General. Can I have her call back?"
"Yes, the is Commander Rabb. Tell her she can reach me on my cell phone."
........
Dulles Airport
1400
I hope Mac calls back. I hate to leave a message "Tell my wife I won't be home for a week. I'm going to halfway around the world."
Ring ring
"Harm? where are you?"
"I'm glad you called, I'm boarding a plane at Dulles on my way to the Coral Sea off the coast of Japan for a murder investigation. I probably will be back in a week." I speak hurriedly as I am about to board the plane. "I'll call back. They've called last boarding. I love you."
"I love you too." She said sadly.
1500
Somewhere over Virginia
Ring ring
"Colonel McKenzie speaking."
"Hey beautiful, just wanted to tell you I'm going to miss you."
Mac smiles, "You think you'll be home by next Wednesday?"
"What is special about next Wednesday."
"The Generals' have invited me to dinner, and spouses are included. It is a welcome aboard dinner for me."
"I should be back and will not miss it for anything."
As I use the in-flight telephone, a woman in her late fifties sitting next to me eavesdrops on my every word. So I shift away from her in an attempt to achieve some privacy.
"Hey flyboy, I'm going to be real lonely tonight." Mac teases in a very low sexy voice.
"Hey Marine, I going to miss having you next to me at night. I love you." I respond huskily.
"I love you too." We hang up.
I catch Miss Eavesdrop's expression of distaste.
"That was my wife." I don't know why I have a need to explain.
She raises an eyebrow and leans towards me knowingly, "Don't ask, don't tell."
I just close my eyes and shake my head. This is going to be a long flight.
*******
Tuesday morning
Somewhere between Pearl and Los Angeles
I thought the transport between the Coral Sea and Pearl was bad! The weather was horrible. I've never been bumped and jarred on a plane as much as on that one. Now on a calm commercial flight, I am seated next to the 'Guinness Book of Records' heaviest man in the world. He takes up his seat and flows over into mine. Why didn't they require him to buy an extra ticket! And he snores like Mount St. Helen erupting. I have been in the air for almost 13 hours and haven't slept a wink.
******
Tuesday almost midnight
L.A. International Airport
Just great! A layover. I get to spend the night in the airport waiting for a connection to D.C. I actually am beginning to dislike air travel. Me a pilot. Now if I could have flown myself, now that would be a different story. My luggage is somewhere between Japan and D.C. What I would give for jeans and a sweat shirt over this uniform.
******
Wednesday 1200
Somewhere over the Rockies
Last night was unbelievable. I can't believe the alarms in the airport could be that loud, and they remained on for 4 solid hours due to an electrical malfunction. I was ready for someone to just shoot me and put me out of my misery. Now I am sitting next to some woman who granted is thin and not hanging over into my seat, but has a sickly cough. I wonder if she has the flu, TB or some rare contagious disease that is spread by cough. The only other seat available is next the Mr. Guinness Book of Records.
I think my trip would be a great plot for one of Stephen King's novels. It could be titled "Misery II". Suck it up sailor, you'll be home to a nice cozy bed with your Marine in just a few hours.
******
Wednesday 1800
Harm's and Mac's apartment
"Harm, you made it back in time! Hurry you have just an hour to get dressed for dinner." Mac is glowing and gives me a big welcome home kiss and hug. She stands back and looks me over. "You're not too tired are you? You did sleep on the plane?"
"You know me." I smile. She smiles thinking I slept the whole way.
I forgot the dinner... The dinner I promised I wouldn't miss... The dinner with her CO... The dinner I will attend if it kills me..... Hell, if that trip back from the Coral Sea didn't kill me, nothing will.
Famous last words....
*********
1900
Purple Parrot Cafe
"General Patrick, Colonel Fulk, this is my husband Commander Harmon Rabb" Mac proudly introduces me." I shake hands and continue standing as the General introduces his wife, Rebecca, and the Colonel introduces his wife Ima.
After the normal social pleasantries are exchanged, we sit, and the General informs us has he ordered a bottle of champagne for all. Before I can respond that I prefer coffee tonight (my body is actually demanding caffeine or it will rebel as I envision myself falling asleep face first into the soup de jour), Mac jumps in "I don't drink, but Harm would love some."
I am fighting the fatigue. This must be some sort of test of my endurance. I can handle this. I have been cooped up in a Los Angeles class submarine for 15 days sleeping in a rack that was a good 4 inches shorter than me. I can handle this...yea right!
The General is a man of medium height and build with shocking gray hair. He looks to be all business. He has served in Vietnam, the Middle East and many other unnamed skirmishes. Mac speaks very highly of him. The Colonel, who is a full colonel, thus being of higher rank than Mac is tall and finds himself extremely attractive. Rebecca, the General's wife is very proper, but has a twinkle in her eye, giving one the impression that she is really a lot of fun. While Ima, likes to stroke her own ego by name dropping and listing all the auxiliaries of which she is a member.
All I have to do is survive a couple of hours, and I will be home free. My eyes feel like sandpaper, and I have a smile plastered on my face.
The conversation turns towards me and my past service as a naval aviator. I modestly tell of some of my experiences and make the huge mistake of asking the Colonel about his.
"Well, I served in Dessert Storm as a company commander....and the other two Captains who served under me were Jason Ray and Bill McLeod. Bill is General Buck McLeod's son....the company cook was a guy from New York.......and Sergeant Mill was out of Nebraska...."
"I wonder if he's related to the McLeod's clan from the Highlander series." I mumble.
"What did you say Commander?"
"Oh nothing." Did I say that out loud?
The man talked on and on and on and on about absolutely nothing. He could be a secret weapon for the CIA. Put a captured spy in the room with him, and let the Colonel talk. He could break down the strongest of men. I began to squirm to stay focused and, I notice Mac giving me a strong look of disapproval. I tried twice to get the waiter's attention to order an expresso (a double) but failed. The Colonel never noticed my tortured expression.
The Colonel finally takes a breath long enough for me to stand and excuse myself before I pass out unconscious on the floor. I turn to face Clayton Webb and some sultry looking blonde.
"Harm, I see you made it back from the far east."
"Just got back Layton."
He looks at me with an odd expression, "Harm, I'd like you to meet Latrelle. She's a friend of Mother's."
I turn to introduce the rest of the table as the men stand in the presence of the lady. "This is Mac's CO, General Howard Patrick and his lovely wife Renee'" Mac shoots me an sharp look, but I didn't get it. "And Colonel Will Fuk and his charming wife Ima Fuk."
Clayton's face turns a bright shade of red, and he tries to muffle a laugh that sounded more like a pig snorting. My mouth drops open, confused at his behavior. I turn to see Mac's face looking rather shell-shocked. I mouth "What?" I have no clue as to the joke. The General seems mildly amused as does Renee or was it Rebecca. I then see the expression on Colonel Fulk and his wife. Indignant would be a mild term, but hey, at least he quit talking.
The dinner party broke up shortly after that, and I was so tired and dull that I didn't realize that I had stepped on a major mine. But on the way home, I felt the explosion as Mac drove at mach speed and chewed my six the entire time. "I cannot believe you said that. If you were so tired, why didn't you just tell me? Do you realize what you just did to my job, my career, my life, I'm ruined!!!"
"I'm sorry, Sarah. What can I say?" I don't know if I'm more tired or depressed.
"I think you said more than enough tonight." She practically spits.
Damn. When did I become so stupid?
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