Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: JAG and characters do not belong to me.
Category: Harm/other Harm/Mac Drama Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: An accident leaves Harm lost and presumed dead. Post Adrift.
PART 4
Several days later
Over the past few weeks, John R. Doe attended therapy sessions with Jeff Robbins a clinical psychologist. Jeff was a little on the pudgy side with large round eyes that would become even rounder whenever he became excited about anything. Jeff's strongest asset was his sincerity. John felt a sense of familiarity with the younger man and quickly developed a comfortable rapport. John shared his brief memories and the strong feelings that accompanied them.
"John, you may have repressed these memories for a reason. Sometimes when situations happen that we feel powerless over, our defense mechanisms go into overdrive to protect us. When the defense mechanisms dominate then they become harmful." Jeff explained.
"So maybe I did something so terrible that I refuse to acknowledge it? Maybe I was running away from my life? You called it a fugue." John said with anxiety in his tone.
"I didn't say that. But it is a possibility." Jeff replied quickly. "Your memory is trying to return, and those memories associated with your strongest emotions will probably return first." Jeff continued but saw that his client looked more frustrated than relieved. Deciding that they had dealt enough with that sensitive topic, he redirected the conversation to a more comfortable subject.
"John, the nurses said that you had visitors on Christmas."
"Dr. Tan and her daughter stopped by on their way to her mother's home. They brought me this jacket and cookies. That was nice of her." John explained with a sad demeanor.
"When someone brings me gifts, I am usually happy, you look sad. Tell me about what you are feeling." Jeff explored.
"I really appreciated the gesture, but I can't explain my feelings. I had this feeling all day on Christmas that I was lonely, like I lost someone I care about but I can't remember who." He rubbed his forehead.
"Depression is surprisingly common during the holidays for many people. It is suppose to be a time of happiness and expectation, but for those who have lost someone or something in their life it can be a difficult holiday." Jeff explained.
"Yea, I lost myself." John replied ruefully.
"We will keep looking for you." Jeff promised.
"What if I don't like what I find?" John looked intently at his counselor.
****
Georgetown
Mac's apartment
Dec 31
1159 p.m.
Mac sat alone on her couch watching the events at Time Square on her TV as the end of the year count down was about to begin.
She had turned down several invitations for the evening, but her underlying depression won out and remained home. Picking up the remote she turned off the TV and then put on some music and picked up a photo album and flipped slowly through the pages. "Harm this has been a lot harder than I thought it could be. I still can't seem to accept that you are gone. It's like your voice and your smile haunt me. I wake up with the same dream, you want me to come find you and I can't."
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