Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: JAG and any other brand names do not belong to me. I
don't make money doing this.
Classification: PG 13
Category: Humor Bud and Harriet
Summary: Another of my twisted slants on commercials. Our favorite
network provider is down for the weekend. Please take this in the
spirit for which it is intended.
"We apologize for the interruption in services due to our need to perform upgrades, maintenance and whatever the hell we do when the network is down. If this creates an inconvenience to you we suggest you get a life."
"DAMN!" Harriet Roberts thought as she was about to read the next installment of her favorite fanfics on the internet.
"Honey? Are you alright?" Bud Roberts ran into the computer room with a deep tone of concern displayed on those cute round little Santa Claus cheeks of his.
Harriet's bottom lip began to quiver as she attempted to explain her dilemma. "Bud…I don't know what to do." She broke down sobbing uncontrollably.
"Oh Harriet, you know you can tell me anything." He said in his best syrupy sweet caring tone.
"Oh Bud! You are just so…nifty." Harriet pulled her soft pudgy husband into her arms. Visions of the giant Pillsbury Doughboy on Ghostbusters flitted though her mind as she held her husband. Or was that the big marshmallow dude?
Bud looked lovingly in his wife's eyes with that same goofy looking expression he had when he watched Lt. Loren Singer strutting her stuff around the Admiral's party for the now defunct Mic and Mac engagement.
Harriet picked up his shirt tail and blew her nose loudly causing baby AJ to wake up screaming in the next room. "He'll be alright in a minute. He always does that when I blow my nose."
"Now honey, tell me what has you so upset." Bud pulled his wife close almost smothering her in his chest.
After pushing herself away, Harriet met his eyes somewhere between the cushion on the sofa and the armrest. "Bud, our network provider is going to be down for the entire weekend!" She burst into uncontrollable tears thoroughly soaking Bud's clothing, the sofa and the carpet.
Bud being the understanding kind of guy that he is, allowed her to cry like this for several hours until the police showed up at the door with a disturbing the peace complaint from the neighbors. Harriet managed to get a hold of herself or she would have been hauled off to jail.
"I'm sorry Honey. I'm not sure why you are upset." Bud attempted to understand his wife's feelings. But he's a guy, what can you expect.
"I've been reading these stories on the net about this tall gorgeous clueless hunk and this beautiful woman who throws herself at the first guy who snaps his fingers. Well anyway, the writers of these stories help the clueless guy and the woman get together. Some of the stories get real frisky, if you know what I mean." Harriet smiled seductively at her husband who looked like someone whose computer went offline.
"No, I don't" Bud continued to look to his wife for a better explanation.
"Bud, you know when the neighbors in the next building caught their kitchen on fire, and three fire trucks showed up at their apartment?"
"Yea." He nodded slowly mimicking the guy in the commercial with the dog and the cheese.
"Well these stories are hotter than that fire." Harriet smiled sweetly.
"So you're reading about firemen?" Bud sounded befuddled.
"No, I'm reading about what we did to get baby AJ here." Harriet explained carefully.
"You're reading about minivans." Bud deducted.
"No, Bud I'm reading about hot, dirty, unrestricted sex." Harriet said in her best endearing tone.
"Oh!" Mr. I'm Almost As Clueless As Someone Else We Know But Not Quite That Bad responded as the computer went back on line.
"Well anyway, I was just to the climax, no pun intended. It was the real climax between the two when I received this message from the network explaining that they would be down for the weekend. Now I'll have to wait to see what happens." Harriet whined.
"Maybe we could do something to get your mind off this." Bud raised his eyebrows, wiggled them, and then wiggled his ears.
"How do you do that?" Harriet said in awe of her husband's incredible talent.
"My mother is Swiss." He responded raising only one eyebrow at a time.
"What does that have to do with your wiggling your ears?" Harriet asked flatly.
"Oh, wrong line. If I tell you I'd have to kill you." His voice dropped ten octaves and sounded like a bull moose.
"Why?"
"I don't know, it just sounded good."
"Never mind, what do you suggest we do to keep me from obsessing all week end about missing my fanfic?" Harriet wrung her hands like wet laundry.
"We could create our own little fantasy." Bud grinned from one wiggling ear to the other.
"Oh Bud!" Harriet threw her arms around her husband.
"Gee, Harriet I didn't realize you liked to watch the entire collection of Star Trek reruns." Bud hugged his wife.
********
Monday Morning
JAG Headquarters
0800
Bud Roberts almost ran slam into his mentor and friend, the ever charming flyboy, Commander Harmon Rabb JR. "Sir, how was your weekend?"
"Didn't do anything, the internet network was down." He sighed in frustration and continued walking towards his office.
The end (%
