Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: No infringement rights are intended to those who own JAG.
Classification: PG- 13
Category: Harm/Mac Drama
Summary: Although Harm aggressively works to help his brother gain US
citizenship, he fails to provide the needed evidence that Sergei is truly
his father's son. A major life threatening turn of events however creates a
greater need for Sergei to remain in the US.
I sit on my front porch alone and cold. When I'm outside I can look up into the stars and feel connected with you. I have been thinking about you more and more each day. Tonight I can't seem to sleep as my memories keep me restless. So I choose to sit in my rocking chair holding your picture in my arms and remember.
You fought the fight well, but your body could not keep up with your courageous heart. The leukemia that you so miraculously survived for almost seven long years suddenly reappeared as an evil twist of fate.
Nevertheless, we took our chance, married and had two beautiful children. David our first was five, and Catherine our baby was not quiet two when your dark shadow returned. You fought so bravely and tried everything the doctors offered because you didn't want to leave us as you had been left so many years before.
I sit on my porch with tears falling as if it all happened just yesterday instead of so many years ago. I can remember the pleading sorrowful look in your eyes as you asked my permission to go. I resisted my selfish need to deny you your peaceful goodbye and wanted so much to beg you to stay a little longer, but I saw the pain you endured day after day. So I held you in my arms that one last time and kissed your sweet face as I told you it was all right to leave us. We would be okay. You drifted into a sleep that you never awoke >from that day over forty years ago. Why does it seem like just yesterday? Why do the tears of loss feel so fresh on this old wrinkled face of mine? I never found another like your love. I was strong like you asked me to be and raised our two children alone. Well not entirely alone, AJ, Bud, Sturgis were all right there doing their best to fill in your shoes for me and the kids.
Not a day went by that I did not consult your opinion on what I should do when faced with life's painful obstacles. You were always with me when our son rebelled and our daughter's heart was broken over her first love. I could see your face and hear your voice ever encouraging me. And when I wept at night, I could almost feel your arms wrapping around me to comfort me. Only then did I fall asleep and awaken the next day ready to be your strong Ninja girl.
Our son grew up to be that doctor, you wanted him to be. He buried himself in research and found a genetic code to leukemia. A cure is just around the corner because of him, but more likely because of your influence. He idolized you, still does. There is a special woman in his life that patiently supports him. You would like her. She is strong and doesn't take any crap off of him. Does that remind you of anyone? I know you look fondly from heaven on their three beautiful children. The oldest looks more like you each day. He is my comfort.
Our daughter barely remembers you except through the stories and pictures that we all shared with her. She is so much like you and followed in your footsteps to be a Naval aviator. You, your father and his father would be so envious of her. She still watches the videotapes you made when she was just a baby. You told her that there were no limits to what she could do, and she believed you. She will be exploring the stars as a member of the first manned Mars space mission. As she searches the stars, I pray that she will find her soulmate somewhere out there because no matter where she flies she needs someone to ground her in comfort and love.
Harm you would be so proud of them.
My heart aches so much lately. Tonight I can hardly catch my breath as I find myself thinking of you so much. I miss your arms holding me. At times if I close my eyes, I can feel you holding me. "I kept my promise to you. I was strong for the children, but Harm I must ask you if it's okay for me to let go now? I don't want to leave the grandchildren, but this afternoon I finished the scrapbook for them. It is more of a love storybook about us. I still love to look at your picture. You look so handsome in your dress whites. Dress whites and gold wings, yes sir, they still make my heart sing." I chuckle and then moan as the pain of my heart becomes more intense. "I should get up an take one of my heart pills, but maybe a little later. I would rather talk a little longer with you."
"Sarah." your voice seems so clear tonight. It takes me away from the pains and hurts I endure with this old body of mine.
"Harm?" I answer hoping that it is really you.
"Do you want to go fly with me?" You smile that beautiful flyboy smile of yours, and my heart leaps again as it did so many years ago.
I reach out and take your hand. I can smell your after shave and feel the warmth of your smooth skin. I look and instead of seeing my old wrinkled hand in yours, I see a younger hand. I see my reflection in you eyes, and I am young again. You look so happy to see me.
"Harm,I missed you so." Tears fall from my eyes. You take your thumb and wipe them away.
"No more tears. I will never leave you again." You promise and pull me safely into your arms as we leave together.
I turn to see an old woman motionless in the rocker on my front porch. She now rests peacefully with a smile on her lips. I have my Harm again...for eternity.
The end
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