Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: Don't own JAG or characters. This is for entertainment
only. Quotes are from "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee.
Classification: Drama Harm but other characters are present
Rating: PG
Summary: Harm finds himself the target of an old enemy. Once again
Harm is the pawn and placed in an uncontrollable situation. I hope
you will find compassion in the characters I use later on. This
occurs during season 6. Mic is still around.
A special thanks to Barb and Carolyn for beta reading!
PART 3
Harm looked around the stark hospital room trying to recall the events that brought him there. His cough and sore throat quickly reminded him of the fire. Deciding that he had had enough of the bed, he eased his legs over the side of the bed and held to the side rail as he breathed deeply, trying to regain his sense of balance. He reached for the IV pole that looked like it would make a good support and carefully stood. Taking one step was all that it took before the Naval officer realized he was not going to make it back to bed.
The loud crash brought a nurse and orderly scurrying into the room to find Harm trying to pull himself up from the floor. The waves of dizziness made it impossible for him to stand. The orderly eased him back into the bed as the nurse fussed about him trying to get up without help. Harm tuned out the nurse, rolled over and gave into the constant drowsiness he couldn't seem to overcome.
When he awoke later he tried to pull his arms up discovering that he was restrained. "What the hell?" He struggled to reach the restraint ties, but failed. He was trapped. After several frustrating attempts, he was finally able to reach the call button.
A nurse entered the room and smiled, "Good to see you awake Commander."
"Why am I restrained? Would you release me NOW!" He was fully awake, focused and angry.
A doctor who looked to be in his fifties entered the room and responded in a dry condescending tone as he pushed his glasses further back on his nose, "Commander Rabb, I'm Dr. Steven Cowen. If you think you can stay in bed, I'll have those restraints discontinued."
Harm wanted to restrain the man by his... "Okay, just let me go."
The nurse removed the arm restraints as Harm rubbed his wrists. He had irritated the skin from trying to pull himself loose.
Cowen sat in the chair next to Harm's bed and flipped open a chart and read quietly before speaking, "Commander Rabb, tell me what brought you to the hospital." Cowen had pulled off his glasses and looked intently at Harm.
Harm thought that was the most asinine thing he had ever been asked and wanted to say, "An ambulance, idiot!" but bit back his words. This doctor seemed arrogant and patronizing. This guy must be here for a Psych evaluation. Harm remembered the visit after his Tomcat crash. The drill hadn't changed. 'But why was he getting a Psych evaluation?' He thought.
"I must have passed out at my apartment. I remember putting something on the cook-top. It must have caught fire... Why are you here?" Harm frowned because knew the man had this information in the chart he held.
"I was asked to see you by Dr. Peterson who treated your smoke inhalation. I see where you had lethal amounts of secobarbital in your system. That would account for why you passed out. Can you tell me how that happened?" Cowen stared directly into Harm's surprised expression.
"No, I told you all I remember was passing out." Harm replied defensively.
"The firemen discovered an almost empty bottle of Seconal where they found you. How many tablets did you take Commander?" Cowen was flipping to another page in the chart and began to write.
Harm's jaw dropped, "You think I took that drug on purpose!"
"Commander it doesn't matter what I think. The facts are you almost died, and I'm here to see what I can do to help you."
"You can call Admiral Chegwidden for me and get the hell out of my room." Harm was enraged.
"You sound angry." Cowen responded without emotion.
"You are a blooming genius. Now leave, I am a lawyer and am aware of my rights to refuse treatment!" he spit out as his temper took control.
"Commander, this behavior will not help you. Your parents and coworkers are very concerned about you. I don't believe your anger is about me... I am going to order you a medication that should take the edge off the discomfort your feeling." Cowen continued to scribble in the chart, "I'll be back later."
As soon as the doctor left, Harm eased off the bed only this time the dizziness was short lived. He headed to the locker to find his clothes so he could leave. The locker was empty, as was the bedside table. He slammed the drawer shut and collapsed into the chair by his bed. He picked up the phone and found it was not connected. He felt like a prisoner who had been falsely accused of a crime. He rubbed his forehead in frustration, 'Think...why did all of this happen?'
**********
Dr. Cowen shook the hands of Admiral Chegwidden, Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, Lt. Bud Roberts, Trish and Frank Burnett and directed them to sit around a conference table. "I talked with Commander Rabb earlier, and now I need to gather some information that could be helpful to him. Any information you choose to share will be confidential and used only to assist in Commander Rabb's recovery. I have a few questions." He adjusted his glasses so he could read from the legal pad before him, " Has Commander Rabb experienced any increased stress at work or home?"
"Commander Rabb's job has always been somewhat stressful. What job isn't?" The Admiral spoke up with a raised eyebrow and folded his arms in front of himself.
Cowen smiled; "Other than the usual stress any changes?"
"Actually, he's had fewer cases than usual. I wouldn't say any were especially stressful, other than defending Admiral Boone. He's been assigned some special projects, research, budget projections and so forth..." The Admiral continued to explain.
Bud added cautiously, "He hates doing those projects, Sir."
The Admiral raised his eyebrows, "Since when do you like everything you're assigned to do Lt.?"
"Sir, I didn't mean that Commander Rabb was complaining or refusing to do the work. He'll carry out what ever you assign, but his talents are investigative and courtroom." Bud tried to explain.
"That's exactly why he's been assigned those projects, he's so damn compulsive. He's a stickler for detail and doesn't miss anything." The Admiral's voice level rose defensively.
"So you would describe Commander Rabb as...somewhat obsessive compulsive, which makes him good at what he does." Cowen interjected.
"Harm has always tried to do anything he attempted well. If he didn't succeed he would keep trying until he got it right." Trish added.
"Like when he returned to flying." Mac added, and shifted uncomfortably as everyone looked at her to continue. "He was originally a Naval aviator and flew Tomcats. He crashed on a carrier landing. It was determined he had an undiagnosed visual problem which was corrected almost two years ago. That is when he decided to return to flying"
"He earned his second Navy Cross before he returned to JAG," the Admiral added, somewhat proudly.
"I pulled his old records from that crash. I see where his RIO was killed in that crash. How did he cope with that?" Cowen looked up from the folder he held.
Trish responded, "He grieved for his friend and picked up the pieces of his life and went to law school. I believe the JAG investigation had a great deal of influence on this decision. It wasn't easy for him because he always wanted to be like his father."
"Like his father?" Cowen reflected.
"His father was a Navy pilot shot down over Vietnam. He idolized his father." Trish smiled sadly.
"So, his father was killed when Harm was young?"
"Harm was six when Harm Sr. was listed MIA. Harm always believed his father was alive somewhere. When he was 16 he ran away to search for his father in Vietnam." Trish shook her head as she recounted those memories.
"Lt. Rabb, Harm's father was held in Russia the last years of his life. Harm found information indicating that his father could have still been alive, so he and I traveled to Russia to look for him. His father had been killed saving a Russian woman's life." Mac added and looked sympathetically at Trish, whose eyes filled with unshed tears. Frank reached over and held his wife's hand.
"This past fall, Harm returned to Russia on an assignment. He found out that his father had another child, a son, by the Russian woman he had saved." Mac continued.
"How did he respond to that news?" Cowen asked.
"When I caught up with Harm, he introduced me to Sergei, his brother. He seemed very protective of him." Mac smiled.
"You were on the assignment with Commander Rabb?"
"No, I was on a different assignment, but Harm was in a dangerous region where there was a lot fighting. I needed to...watch his six." Mac said softly. The Admiral let out a deep sigh while Bud smiled.
"So you and the Commander have more than just a working relationship. I see the engagement ring." Cowen observed.
"We're close friends, but I'm marrying someone else." Mac stumbled over the words.
The Admiral added, "Sergei, Harm's brother, was MIA recently. Harm was going to resign his commission and go find him." Trish looked down sadly, "Before that happened, Sergei was reported as a POW and arrangements have been made for a prisoner exchange. Sergei is to be released today."
"That must have been stressful for all of you." Cowen looked at the group.
"Has the Commander had any recent changes in relationships?" Cowen continued.
"He and Miss Peterson broke up a couple of weeks ago. She moved to the West Coast for a career opportunity." Bud volunteered.
Cowen said nothing but jotted down the information.
"And Colonel Mackenzie was suppose to be married today." Bud added and received a sharp look from Mac.
"You canceled your wedding plans?" Cowen added. "Did it have anything to do with the recent turn of events? You said you and Commander Rabb are close friends."
Now all eyes were on Mac who squirmed in her chair. "I didn't feel like a celebration would be appropriate when my best friend is in the hospital." Mac responded softly.
"Colonel do you think that Commander Rabb has stronger feelings for you than friendship and maybe his recent actions could be a way of getting your attention?" Cowen was in full psychiatrist mode.
Mac's face flushed, Bud's mouth dropped open and the Admiral looked uncomfortably at his shoes. Trish and Frank's eyes were round anticipating an answer.
"I... I don't believe Harm would do something like that." Mac felt anger swelling inside. "Harm doesn't have those kind of feelings for me and, if he did, he would not do anything to hurt me. And seeing Harm like this is hurting me." Mac spit out before she realized what she was saying.
Cowen decided that there was definitely some unresolved issues going on that maybe should be discussed in private. "I have just a few more questions. Has Commander Rabb expressed a desire to hurt himself, been preoccupied with death or put himself in danger?"
The military officers looked at one another waiting for someone to speak up. Bud looked to Mac who reached into her pocket and handed Cowen the letter they had found in his briefcase.
"Commander Rabb serves his country well. He has and will probably always put himself at risk to perform his duty to serve and protect his country." The Admiral replied not sure what Mac had handed Cowen.
"So he has put himself in danger." Cowen replied flatly and wrote on the chart he held."Colonel Mackenzie, did the Commander write you this letter?"
"Lt. Roberts and I found it accidently when we went to Harm's apartment after the fire. It fell out of his briefcase." She added sadly.
"What letter?" Trish said softly.
Cowen handed her the letter. She read it and closed her eyes sighing deeply before handing it back to Cowen. The Admiral knew without seeing the letter what it must have said. He looked down avoiding any eye contact with the others in the room.
"One more thing. Has the Commander given away any thing that has special value for him?" Cowen asked and looked at the distressed group.
Bud looked at Mac as he responded. "The Commander gave his model Stearman to little AJ on the day of the fire. It's a model of one he rebuilt and flies. He's had it forever in his office. He said he wanted AJ, my son, to have it so that maybe it would encourage him to want to be a pilot someday." Bud continued, "Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie are my son's godparents. We just recently lost a baby girl. I think the Commander was just trying to be nice."
"I see." Cowen leaned back and thought about all the information he had gathered. 'The man had all the classical risk factors for a major depression, loss of a parent at an early age, recent multiple losses and disappointments, obsessive compulsive tendencies and the letter. To top it off, he had given away a treasure to his godson for no special reason. Typical warning sign of suicide.'
"I appreciate your time. This information has been very helpful." Cowen stood to leave.
"Dr. Cowen, can you tell us anything? Harm is going to be all right?" Trish asked earnestly.
"I plan to recommend that Commander Rabb be transferred to the VA Psychiatric Center for further evaluation and treatment. I believe that in-patient treatment is best whenever an attempted suicide has occurred. If you'll excuse me." Cowen turned and walked out of the room.
Everyone was shocked... Suicide? Mac hurried from the room and out of the building to her car. With trembling hands she tried to unlock the door but fumbled with the automatic door unlock because of the tears that clouded her vision, "Dammit."
"Let me drive you home." Bud's soft voice and gentle touch guided Mac towards the passenger side of the car.
The Admiral stood with the Burnetts, silently contemplating Cowen's remarks. 'Why didn't I see this coming? I'm the man's CO.' Trish turned and faced the Admiral and spoke as if she read his mind. "Admiral, none of us saw this coming. I'm still not sure about all of this." Frank placed his arm around his wife and suggested they go check on Harm.
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