Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: JAG and characters don't belong to me. This is for
entertainment.
Classification: Harm/Mac Romance rated PG
Summary: This is a companion piece to Crackerjacks. This is from
Mac's POV.
Special thanks to Marianne for helping me archive my stories!
I feel a tension headache coming on. Mic followed me to work today insisting that he needed to talk with Bud about some last minute wedding details. This is my last day to work before I take off for the wedding in two days. I really don't need Mic hovering over me at work, but I give in as usual. I find myself doing that a lot lately.
Mic seems so excited like a little boy going to his first big league baseball game. I rub my forehead to try to ease the pain; I wonder when I will feel all the excitement. He immediately spies Bud, and the two of them strike up an animated Conversation like two long lost friends. I'm glad Bud and Mic have become close, but Bud is suppose to be Harm's best friend not Mic's.
Speaking of Harm, he comes in like a whirlwind. I watch as he tries to get around Mic and Bud who are almost blocking his office door.
"Good day Mate! You are coming to my bachelor's party." Mic asks and takes a sip of his coffee. Harm looks at him rather absent-mindedly and nods yes.
I'm surprised. I don't know why I would be, after all Harm has made a great effort to be friendly to Mic these past few weeks. Today he looks a little agitated. To tell you the truth so am I. I wish Mic would leave so I can have this last day. I rub my head again and then dig through my drawer looking for an aspirin. This last day, where did it come from. It's not like I'm moving or dying I'm getting married. I will still work at JAG. I will still be LT. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. I guess I'm just having pre-wedding jitters.
Tiner knocks on my door to remind me of my meeting with the Admiral, I pick up a file and walk past my fiancé and Bud. I hear Harm calling Bud into his office. I turn back to see Bud still chatting away with Mic. Come on Bud, don't you and Harm have an important case this morning. Tell Mic to leave you have more important work to do than plan a party where a bunch of guys oogle half dressed women and drink too much.
I sit in the Admiral's office trying to concentrate on his comments, but my headache doesn't seem to be easing. "Colonel Mackenzie?" The Admiral's voice draws my attention, "Mac, I know you have a lot on your mind, but if I could just have your attention for a few more minutes. I need to clear this up before you go on your wedding leave."
I blush in embarrassment. "Sorry Sir, I'll be more attentive." He looks at me over the edge of his glasses like he wants to say something, but Tiner knocks on the door and enters.
"Admiral, Commander Rabb just fell, and I think he's hurt." Tiner looks concerned.
The Admiral and I immediately leave his office and head to the bullpen.
Bud and Mic are helping Harm up while Gunny pulls up a chair for him to sit in.
It's obvious he is in pain, but is trying to cover it up. The entire office staff is beginning to surround Harm. I know he just loves all this attention. The Admiral orders everyone back to work and stoops down to examine Harm's ankle.
Bud is trying to gather files that must have been in Harm's hands when he took his spill.
"Please don't do that! Sir." Harm gasps. Oh Harm, I bet you broke it. I see the swelling and wince in sympathy.
The Admiral spots some spilled coffee, and I see his anger rising, "What idiot spilled coffee and left it here!" Yea, stupid idiot look what you've done. I reach over and squeeze Harm's shoulder to let him know I'm here for him.
"I'm afraid it was mine Sir. I guess I got a little to carried away telling Bud ah Lt. Roberts a story. Sorry Mate." Mic confesses. I would love to strangle him. Why did he have to come here this morning? He sees my expression and whispers 'I'm sorry.' My headache is now in monster proportions. I give him a half smile. I know he didn't mean to hurt anyone. He just acts without thinking sometimes. Sometimes?
"Don't you have a case in court this morning, Lt. Roberts?" The Admiral is not impressed by the apology and is definitely peeved.
"Yes Sir, Commander Rabb and I have the court this morning." Bud looks miserable.
"Well you better get with it, because Commander Rabb is going to the hospital to have his ankle x-rayed." The Admiral barks and gives Harm a look that means don't even think about doing anything else Mister. Then the Admiral gives Bud a look like we will finish discussing this later.
I see Harm's expression. He is going to try to protect Bud. He starts to stand.
Don't Harm...too late. I cringe as I hear the grating sound his ankle made. Harm turns pale and sits back down. I reach over and gently rub his shoulder wishing I could take the pain away. He looks a little defeated.
The Admiral says something to me about taking Harm to the emergency room. Gunny and Tiner are assisting Harm. I want to go.
"Admiral, I'll take him." I volunteer.
"You know how hard headed the Commander can be, I need to go so that I can make sure he is compliant. If you want to go along come on." He adds.
I hurry and gather my purse and keys. I still manage to arrive at the Admiral's car before Harm and his escorts. They carefully assist him into the back seat where he can prop his leg up on the seat. We drive away, and I realize I forgot Mic. I didn't tell him good bye.
The doctor is putting a cast on his lower leg. I know he's going to end up having surgery on it, but the doctor wants to let the swelling go down and x-ray it again in a week. The doctor gave me some pain pills and instructions that Harm should stay off of it unless absolutely necessary until he returns next week. The Admiral shakes his head and mumbles, "Like that will happen."
We manage to get him into his apartment with a great deal of effort. The pain medication the doctor gave him at the hospital has Harm really drowsy. Finally we get him to his bed, and I offer to call Renee.
"Noooo. She's gone...She's not the prize in my Crackerjacks." Harm mumbles drowsily.
The Admiral and I exchange a confused look, and I decide that I will try to call her after we get him settles. The Admiral begins to remove Harm's shoe and sock on his unaffected leg while I unbutton his shirt and ease it off.
The Admiral pauses and looks at me expectantly. "I'll get his pants, why don't you wait in the kitchen."
I blush. "Yes Sir...I'll be...in the kitchen ...waiting until Harm is undressed...I mean ready for bed...I mean." Real good Marine, was this some sort of Freudian slip I wonder?
"I know what you mean Colonel." The Admiral sighs and waits for me to leave. When did I become such a babbling fool? In the kitchen I find a note from Renee with a key next to it. Maybe they did break up. I debate whether to read the note when the Admiral's appearance makes the decision for me.
"I have a meeting with the SecNav in thirty minutes. Can you stay with him until you get a hold of Ms. Peterson." The Admiral looks at Harm's sleeping form with concern.
The Admiral's really a big softee. I quickly remove the smile from my lips when his gaze returns to me.
"Yes Sir, I pretty much have everything taken care of. What I don't, I'll run by in the morning and finish up." I agree probably a little too quickly.
The Admiral leaves, and I walk back to the kitchen and look for something to drink in the refrigerator. I find myself making an inventory of everything in there. I smile as I see mostly veggies, bottled water and a couple of beers. I open a container of some sort of leftovers. Yuck! How does he eat this? I grab a bottle of water and walk back towards the note. My curiosity is getting the most of me.
I sit on a bar stool and finger the edge of the note and flip it open.
Dear Harm,
I'm sorry I acted the way I did this
morning. I know it sounded
impulsive and hysterical. I can be that way at times. I
guess I want to
apologize for how I said what I did rather than what I
said. Deep down I've
known that I was not the right one for you, I never was.
We both know who
that right person is. As far as loosing myself, that was
my fault because
I didn't have enough guts to fight for who I was. When I
find myself again,
I'll give you a call. We can have a drink together as old
friends. Right
now I need my space so please honor my wishes and don't
call.
Renee
I reread the note several times. I never liked Renee, but right now I see why Harm did.
She has more self-respect than I have at the moment. I'm sitting here reading a note meant for Harm's eyes-only. I fold the note and place it under the key. I walk to the edge of the bedroom and watch him sleep. The pain lines have vanished, and he looks peaceful. I contemplate taking some of his painpills; I could use some of that peace even if it is drug induced. I wonder when I began to feel this sense of disorder in my life.
I walk around his apartment and look at the pictures on his shelves. Each represents a time in his life... academy pictures, pictures when he served on the Patrick Henry, and our picture. I'm holding AJ as an infant, and Harm stands proudly beside me. I rub my thumb over the picture and remember the day AJ was born. A tear falls down my cheek. That's all I really want out of life is a child to hold in my arms, and a man to hold me and love me. I sniff back my tears. Get a grip Marine, you're about to have that dream in just a few days. Another tear falls down my face. Damn, why am I crying.
I better call Mic and let him know I'll be late...
After Harm woke up, I gave him some of those pain pills and prepared him some soup and juice. I sucked up all those labile emotions. I'm a Marine. I can handle getting married without turning into some neurotic female. I was probably just feeling my maternal instincts. Let's face it gals, we are all suckers when it comes to seeing a man look helpless.
I ran by the office and found Bud working diligently at his desk. I'm sure he was reviewing the case he and Harm were supposed to work on together. "Working late tonight Bud?"
He looks up and frowns, "How's the Commander?"
"He'll be fine. Broken bones do mend." I smile sympathetically. Bud feels guilty. It may have been Mic's coffee on the floor, but Bud is going to take his share and probably most of Mic's share of the blame.
"I know. The Commander called me into his office, and I basically ignored him. If I would have done what I was suppose to instead of cutting up with Mic, the Commander wouldn't have broken his ankle." Bud explains sadly.
"I don't know that the Commander wouldn't have fallen, but you should have been working on the case." I remember that thought as I walked towards the Admiral's office earlier, but Bud is beating himself up enough over this. "Harm doesn't blame you, so why should you?"
Bud avoids my look and then says quietly, "I really like Mic a lot. I think he's got a terrific sense of humor and is a really good lawyer. He even quit his job because of Harriet and I, but..."
I sit down, "but?"
"I'm not such a good friend. Harm's always been there for me. I wouldn't be here at JAG if it weren't for him. Lately, I've said some pretty rough things to him. I practically chewed him out when he was defending Sergeant Major Kronen. He allowed me to express my feelings and accepted them without agreeing with me. The Commander's the kind of friend that encourages me to be who I am and not what he thinks I should be.
When Mic asked me to be his best man, I felt flattered. Mic says things that makes me feel good about myself, but I'm not so sure that they are necessarily good for me...I mean Mic's a good person and all, but I didn't think I needed my old friend anymore, but I do." He looks at me for understanding. "You know if Harm were hurting or needed something, I'd would do anything I could to help, but I'm not sure he would ever tell me he needed help."
I think I do understand. My head aches or is it my heart?
Bud, when did you get so smart?
I drive home with fresh tears on my face as Bud's words haunt my mind. I can imagine what it must be like to be pregnant and hormonal.
I just want to get this wedding over with!
*********
My wedding day
It has finally arrived. I'm in the bride's room of the church putting on the finishing touches to my make up. Harriet is fussing over me like a mother hen. I have the dress of my dreams, a flowing white gown that makes a rustling sound when I walk. My hair has a few sprigs of baby's breathe to set off my bridal look. The church is decorated in spring flowers and candles. The Admiral has graciously agreed to escort me down the aisle, and the weather is beautiful. Did I say I have the dress of my dreams? I am pacing nervously around the room mentally counting down the minutes. Five minutes and 23 seconds, five minutes and 22 seconds...
"Ma'am, why don't you sit down you're going to mess up your make up if you start perspiring anymore than you already are." Harriet suggests gently.
"You're right." I smile and wish I had an extra large banana split.
"Remember right before my wedding? I was ready to call off the whole thing." Harriet smiles. I think she is trying to calm me down. Hell I know she's trying to calm me down. If she would just go get me an extra large hot fudge ice cream sundae, I would calm down.
I give her a half smile. I wish Harm were here. I don't have any family here, but the people from JAG who I consider family. Dammit! Harm should be here. I feel tears falling down my face. Harriet comes to my side immediately. "Sarah, everyone gets nervous before their wedding, it's a rite of passage." She tenderly dabs away my tears.
The Admiral knocks on the door to let us know its time. I touch up my make up and join him in the foyer. He smiles, "You look absolutely beautiful Sarah." He fulfils his role so well. I wish he would say something else fatherly like 'are you sure you're doing the right thing?' Stop it Marine, get a grip, this is what you have always dreamed of, fantasized about.
Bud is standing next to Harriet with a large smile on his face and nods in approval. I hear the wedding march begin to play. Bud takes Harriet's hand and slowly escorts her down the aisle where Mic stands proudly at the Alter.
Now it's my turn. The Admiral takes my hand and places it on his arm and begins to walk towards the Alter. My heart is pounding in my chest. I see Mic, he has a look of total adoration. I'm the prize in his box of Crackerjacks. Our steps are slow and measured. We reach the Alter and the Admiral places a quick kiss on my cheek and releases me to Mic's waiting arm. The minister begins talking...I'm his prize, but is Mic the prize in my box of Crackerjacks? I realize that was what Harm was saying. It didn't make sense the other day, but now it does. I turn to Mic and whisper. "We need to talk."
The minister frowns but continues, "Now?" Mic looks incredulously.
I nod emphatically, and the minister stops. Everyone begins to mumble. Mic leads me to a alcove to the side of the alter. "What's wrong Sarah? Are you feeling alright?"
"Mic, I can't go through with this." I look helplessly at his confused hurt face. "It wouldn't be fair to you or me. Mic tell me the last time I told you I love you."
"Sarah you tell me all the time. The way we make love, your smiles..." He looks desperate.
"Tell when I have used the words, I LOVE YOU?" I persist. Tears are welling up in my eyes.
I see tears in his eyes now. He doesn't respond because he knows the answer.
"I fell in love with a dream. You did all the right things to make that dream become a reality. But YOU made all the changes. You put your career on hold. You gave up your homeland. I haven't changed anything." I say while wiping a tear from his cheek.
"But Sarah, I did those things because I love you." He holds my hands.
"Mic...Brumby and Brumby...You hoped I would leave JAG and join you in your firm." I am looking at him searching for the truth.
"I figured when we started to have children, that you would want a more stable life." He answers while holding my hands tightly.
"You hoped I would change didn't you? Don't you see we both were marrying someone from our imaginations? I agreed to marry you because you fit the picture of this little girl's fantasy. A man who promises everything...a home...a family...to live happily ever After."
"Is that so bad?" He looks pleadingly into my eyes.
I continue because I can't stop, "You want me to be some sort of fantasy wife to you, barefoot and pregnant...taking care of the kids and house while you are at work earning a living. But I have a career that I love." Tears are flowing down my face as I see Mic beginning to accept my words.
"You can say you love your career, but you can't say you love me." He says pain in his eyes.
"I'm sorry Mic. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to love you."
He pulls me into his arms, and we both cry quietly. The minister approaches and asks if he can assist us. Mic explains that the wedding is off and shakes the man's hand.
Mic is an honorable good man. I may not love him, but I love the man he is.
The minister tells us that he will explain to everyone what has happened. Mic turns to me and smiles his cocky Aussie smile, "You'll always be my dream." I turn and leave as tears threaten. I realize for the first time in days, my headache has gone away.
*********
I walk the aisles of the quick mart with my arms full. I don't need this, but I have to have it. If ever there was a reason to indulge today is the day. I pay for my purchases drawing odd looks from the cashier and other customers. What's wrong with these people haven't they ever seen a bride before.
The pimple-faced kid at the cash register looks me up and down, "Nice dress."
"I'm going to my senior prom." I respond with sarcasm that he totally misses.
"Cool." He drops my change into my hand.
I gather up the white flowing skirt of my dress and slip into my corvette and peal away. I finally stopped crying about twenty-one minutes and 32 seconds ago. I travel to a destination that I will find comfort.
He won't like what I've brought in the bag. He'll probably lecture me, but I need this.
I pound on the door; I don't care if he's asleep. "Harm, it's me, open up, I need to talk."
A minute later he comes to the door. He looks stunned. "Aren't you supposed to be at a wedding?" That's why he's such terrific lawyer. He has incredible observation skills. He's the master of the understatement!
I stroll in past him, my skirt rustling. I am a woman on a mission. So he better get out of my way.
He looks like hell, and I tell him that. Well he needs to suffer a little, and it looks like he's been doing a pretty good job of it.
I place the contents of my grocery bag on his coffee table. I wait for some sort of protest, instead he sits by me and props his foot up on said coffee table. I pick up a can and pop it open and hand him one then I open one for myself.
"I couldn't do it," I blurt out.
I hear him sigh in relief, and I smile. We have a nice selection to help me overcome my stress, Snickers, Cheetos, Moon pies, and Crackerjacks. I sip on my root beer and pick up a box of Crackerjacks and open it. Harm picks up the other box of Crackerjacks and joins in my crunching. We sit comfortably sipping our root beer and munching. For a woman who almost made the second biggest mistake in her life I feel happier than I have in years. Oh my first big mistake was Chris Raggle. Mic should not be compared with the likes of Chris, but still I was marrying for the wrong reasons.
Harm finds the prize in his box first and opens it. I laugh at the plastic engagement ring that he puts on his little finger. He surprises me a little by putting it on my finger. He is the poster boy for marriagephobia so this is a giant step. I make a joke, "This is the kind of ring I should be wearing." Then I pull out the small package that holds my prize and give it to Harm.
He opens it and has the nerve to call it an army man. It was a Marine! I'm not going to let him get off lightly with his comment. I insist that it was a female Marine. He further surprises me by not arguing but agreeing. Then he pops the question.
"Why didn't you marry Mic?" I see him trying to avoid looking at me.
"A certain sailor under the influence of pain medication asked me to be the prize in his box of crackerjacks. I didn't understand what he meant at the time, but when I was standing at the alter with Mic, I realized he wasn't the prize in my box of crackerjacks." I respond and look to find him gazing at me.
Our eyes meet, and he wipes away a tear that fell from my eye and pulls me into a kiss that great romance novels write about... He's finally got it right.
This was too close. I almost married the wrong man again. I tried to force love, and it just doesn't work that way.
I'm going to kick this sailor's six as soon as his ankle heals...God I love this man!
The end
