Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: JAG and characters do not belong to me. This is just for
entertainment.
Classification: Drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This is a response to the challenge to Harm and Mac's reaction as
well as the other significant people in Bud's life. For those of you
who love 'Lonestar', I believe this song fits the situation to
a 't'…"I'm Already There".
Harriet nearly exploded when she received the email from her husband. Petty Officer Coates was and had been his legalman. Why hadn't he bothered to share that little bit of information. Suspicious thoughts were swirling in her mind along with another little voice that told her he wouldn't betray her, but he didn't trust her enough to be honest. Their last email ended with her sending him several not so smiley faces.
Lt. Singer walked by with a knowing smirk. "B****!" Harriet muttered under her breath. Another voice immediately began to reprimand her about over reacting to Bud's holding back. She dropped the bomb about the house after becoming infuriated when he slipped up and told her about Coates. He responded with equal frustration.
She would cool off and then email him again. She knew she was wrong on both counts. Perhaps that was why she reacted so strongly. Her own guilt made her defensive. Bud was and always would be the love of her life. She should have trusted him with both the house and the Coates issues. The separation was a true test of their commitment to one another she decided driving towards the daycare to pick up little AJ. She turned her radio to her favorite station, and the announcer began his introduction to the next song…
"Now we have a special request from one of our service men overseas. This is dedicated to Harriet from Bud. Hope you are listening."
Harriet gasped in surprise. How could he know? Because she had told him she was about to go home before they had their cyberfight she remembered. The lyrics slowly played as she drove down the highway with tears dropping down her face. The song was so perfect…so Bud. "Oh Bud, I love you."
*********
Harm listened helplessly as the Doctor on the Seahawk informed them that Bud's condition was critical and wasn't expected to improve. His voice faltered, "But you're not going to give up?"
Mac glanced up to his distressed face, and the hurt she already felt for their friend deepened. Harm and Bud had known each other longer than she had known either of them. They shared more of a brotherly relationship than that of mere colleagues. As much as she wanted to cry, she found herself blocking her own expression of fear and grief to be strong for him.
The doctor abruptly excused herself and headed back to the infirmary. They had prepped Bud for emergency surgery in an attempt to stabilize him so he could receive additional care at a large land based hospital if he survived.
Those were the only words that Harm remembered. "If he survives." He turned and walked absently to the nearest outside deck. Mac tried to call out to him, but his thoughts were focused on his friend, Harriet and little AJ. The unreasonable thought that he should have prevented this welled up inside; he felt he had failed them all. Little AJ his godson could very well lose his father.
He slid down on the only available place to sit on deck as the wind whipped against his face and the sound of jet engines went unnoticed. "Harm?" Mac's quiet voice penetrated what the explosive sound of the catapult couldn't.
Unable to look at her, he replied full of anquish. "Mac, what was he doing out there? He shouldn't have been there."
"Coates said they were examining the remains of the school. Bud was trying to keep a little boy from walking into a mine field." She explained softly. More jets catapulted off the large carrier as the two so caught up in their grief watched without really seeing.
A moment of silence suddenly prevailed allowing them to talk again. "Mac, he can't die." Harm's first sob escaped followed by a flow of shameless tears.
His tears broke down her own emotional barrier allowing her own teardrops to join his. She reached up and placed comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know."
His hand found hers and their emotions became exposed openly and honestly.
********
Harm and Mac escorted Harriet to the intensive care unit of the naval hospital less than a day later. She looked amazingly calm despite that she was falling apart inside. Be strong for him she told her self repeatedly as she took several hesitant steps into the small cubicle.
"Harriet, we'll be just outside if you need us." Mac spoke as Harriet focused on her husband. Her breath drew in sharply at the sight of him.
He lay pale and nonresponsive as a breathing tube pumped rhymically and various monitors beeped and clicked. At first she wanted to deny that this was her Bud, but beneath the bandages and the other medical life sustaining equipment was the man who stole her heart away with his innocent humor and gentle ways.
Slowly she approached almost afraid that to disturb him would cause him to suffer. Her lip quivered uncontrollably as she felt her control falter. "Oh Bud." She whispered and moved next to the bed picking up his hand. It was warm, but lifeless as she wove her fingers between his.
"Bud, it's time for you to wake up. I've been waiting a long time to see those beautiful eyes of yours. I've got a lot to tell you. AJ sends his daddy a big hug and said to tell you that he needs you to come home and see his new swing." Her voice cracked, as she noticed no change. "Bud please . . . we need you."
Harm and Mac standing just outside the cubicle heard her sobs and slowly entered as Harriet began to hum and sing softly. "I've listened to that song a thousand times Bud. Every time I heard it I told myself that you'd be alright. It made me realize that you've always been with us." Her tears stopped as she smiled at him as if he were responding to her every word.
Too moved by the scene before them, Harm and Mac couldn't bring themselves to move away.
Kneeling close to his face, she stroked his hair singing in a wispy soft voice…
"He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say 'I love you' one more time
But when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye
A little voice came on the phone
Said 'Daddy when you comin home?"
He said the first thing that came to his mind
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in you hair,
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there…"
Tears again began to fall down her face as she continued to sing the
sweet lullaby.
"She got back on the phone
Said I really miss you darlin
Don't worry about the kids, they'll be alright
Wish I was in your arms lyin' right there beside you
But I know I'll be in your dreams tonight
And I'll gently kiss your lips
And touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light and close your eyes"
Harm's hand found Mac's as they watched the tender moment silently
from the doorway.
"I'm already there
Don't make a sound
I'm the beating of your heart
I'm the moonlight shining down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there till the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh, I'm already there.
"We may be a thousand miles apart
But I'll be with you, wherever you are
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm a shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind…"
"AJ and I love you Bud. I'll be here when you wake up, my sunshine,
my shadow,my whisper." She leaned over and held a kiss to his
forehead.
*********
Once they realized that she was all right, Mac and Harm walked
outside giving Harriet some privacy.
"They have everything anybody could want. Love, commitment, each
other," Mac said thoughtfully.
"You can go a whole lifetime looking for something and then suddenly
realize that it's always been right before you." Harm half smiled and
looked into Mac's eyes with a gaze that communicated a yearning she
had seen but a few times before.
"Harm what do you see when you look at me that way." Her words echoed
in her mind.
Instead of hearing the words shared on the porch that night, his hand
reached up gently touching her cheek. Her eyes closed as he leaned
forward and placed the softest of kisses on her lips. She leaned
against his chest as his arms encircled her in a protective embrace.
Her eyes closed listening to him sing just above a whisper.
"Don't make a sound
You're the beating of my heart
You're the moonlight shining down
You're the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there till the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh, I'm already there"
The End
