Author: Nancy
Disclaimer: JAG and characters do not belong to me. This is just for
entertainment.
Classification: Drama
Rating: PG-13 due to language, mild violence and sexual content
Summary: This is a follow up to Adrift. Harm has been rescued and is
facing the aftermath of the crash. I try to bring out the more human
side of Harm in this one. He is not so perfect or maybe he is?
Special thanks to Marianne for helping me archive my stories.
Part 1
He stood looking out of his second story apartment window not seeing anything in particular. At last, he had some time alone. The past days had been a blur of endless visits from concerned friends and coworkers. Using his well-practiced art of masking his feelings, he had successfully convinced his mother, the doctors and his coworkers that he was physically and mentally bouncing back from the crash and the hours spent in the dark stormy Atlantic.
A sudden fit of coughing from the residual bronchitis nearly brought him to his knees in pain as a deep spasm gripped his lower back sending a wave of numbness down his right leg. He managed to suppress the cough and ease down to his kitchen barstool where he grasped the counter and regulated his breathing until the episode passed.
Beads of sweat had formed on his brow as he began to force himself to relax. He had failed to tell the doctors how much the pain affected him, but brushed it off as part of the soreness his body felt from the ejection and the battering from the storm. He had other more important issues to deal with including the investigation of his crash and facing the board of inquiry. How do you explain another crash? He brought his hand over his eyes and sucked in a deep breath of despair. God, I don't know if I can go through this again.
He reached for a bottle of ibuprofen and popped two into his mouth followed by a large sip of tepid coffee and slowly navigated his way to his bed and gingerly eased himself into the bed. Lying on his side, he propped his upper most leg on his spare pillow to lessen the strain on his back and slowly willed himself to sleep.
****
Admiral Chegwidden's Office
Secretary of the Navy Alexander Nelson stormed his way past the Admiral's yeoman PO Tiner and entered the Admiral's office. Lt. Bud Roberts was stopped midsentence as the older man began his rant to the Admiral. "AJ, I thought I told you that I wanted this handled quickly and discreetly!" He threw down a newspaper on the Admiral's desk. AJ picked up the paper and spotted the item that had sent the man into such frenzy.
NAVY DESKJOCKEY CRASHES SECOND MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR AIRCRAFT
Bud Roberts looked nervously at his commanding officer unsure whether to stay or make a hasty retreat out of the path of fire. The Admiral shared a glance that indicated Roberts should stay before he responded.
"Mr. Secretary, I don't know how the press got hold of this, but it is not factual and an investigation is under way as we speak."
"Rabb will not be allowed to fly a paper airplane for the Navy after this is all over." The short red-faced man spit out in anger, turned abruptly, and left.
Bud Roberts frowned and looked at the Admiral for some sign of reassurance. "Sir, the crash was not Commander Rabb's fault."
"The fault will be determined by the board of inquiry." The Admiral replied tonelessly.
"You think this may have been his fault?" Bud looked shocked.
"Lt. Roberts, pilot error is always a possibility in any crash. Maybe Harm shouldn't have tried to fly back in those weather conditions." The Admiral avoided eye contact with the junior officer.
"Pilots fly in stormy weather all of the time." Bud defended.
"True, but taking unnecessary risks is not condoned. Bud let the board do its job and when and if the time comes I'm sure Commander Rabb will appreciate all support that we can give him. Dismissed."
The Admiral leaned back into his chair and contemplated the situation. He had suspected that Harm was struggling with the fact that Mac was about to marry a man Harm considered wasn't good enough for her, but had he taken an unnecessary risk to make it back to her wedding and what had he planned to do when he got there? The question had burned in his mind ever since the night Harm's plane went down. 'Harm what were you trying to do?'
****
Sarah Mackenzie's apartment
Mic gently reached over and began to massage Mac's shoulders as she sat studying a case file.
"Ooh that feels so good." She turned and gave him a quick kiss.
"I was just thinking Sarah, why don't we catch a flight to Los Vegas and elope?" Mic grinned as he pulled her into an embrace. "Harm's safe and sound, the drama's over. I know it was my idea for a grand affair, but right now I just want you to become my wife."
Mac smiled and rubbed her nose against his. "You have been so patient with me Mic."
"Why do I hear a but in there?"
Mac drew in a breath contemplating how best to say what she wanted to say, "Mic, Harm's hearing concerning the crash is coming up, and I really need to to be there besides Harm is still out on medical leave and the Admiral could really use me to help pick up the slack."
Mac felt Mic tense up, "Bloody hell, Sarah! I guess I just have to get in line behind Harm and your job!" He got up and headed towards the door. "I be back later!" "That went well." Mac muttered to herself.
******************************
Several days later
JAG headquarters
Harm walked into the bullpen trying to appear nonchalant and was greeted by several staff. "Good to have you back Sir!" Gunny spoke out.
Harm nodded uncomfortably and flashed a quick smile, "Thanks Gunny. Can you find me the Powell file?"
"Sir, Colonel Mackenzie is handling that case, but I will let her know you need it if you like." Gunny responded noting Harm's temporary look of surprise.
"I thought Colonel Mackenzie was on leave this week."
"Sir, I believe she postponed her leave until you could return."
"Oh. I'll get the file from her. Thanks anyway Gunny."
"Commander." The Admiral's voice boomed from behind Harm.
He turned and started to stand at attention. "At ease, come into my office Commander."
Harm laid his cover and briefcase in his office and followed the admiral. "Harm, I didn't expect you back so soon." The Admiral's tone was tentative.
"I'm fine and need to get back to my cases Sir."
"I've divided up your cases among the other staff. Harm sit down." The Admiral pointed towards the seating area near his fireplace. Harm's posture notably slumped as he complied with the Admiral's wishes. I guess the shit is about to hit the fan he thought as he watched the Admiral sit across from him and fold his hands together.
"I don't know how else, to tell you, but until the investigation of your mishap is completed I have to suspend you from your current responsibilities."
"What? I mean Sir...I don't understand. How does investigating my crash have anything to do with my responsibilities at JAG?"
"Harm, the SecNav believes that you're being at JAG while the investigation is ongoing will not sit favorably with the press." The Admiral spoke carefully.
"I see." Harm replied tersely.
"Harm, this was not my idea, but I believe that the less media attention this situation receives the better for all involved...especially you. I thought you might want Colonel Mackenzie and Lt. Roberts assisting with your representation."
"I prefer someone outside of this office Sir!" Harm replied. "Especially since we wouldn't want the press to think that I may be receiving any unfair advantage."
"Just what are you implying Mister?" The Admiral stood and took a step towards Harm.
"I'm not implying anything Sir. I just want to make sure that I get fair representation. " Harm's controlled anger was evident in his tone.
"You'll get fair representation! Now get the hell out of my office."
Harm stood up quickly and strolled out of the Admiral's office past Tiner.
Harriet watched Harm walk stiffly from the Admiral's office to his and then leave ignoring everyone as he left the bullpen.
Tiner approached her, "Ma'am, I don't know what is going on, but I heard the Admiral yelling."
"I'll get Bud to call the Commander later to check on him. You better take this file to the Admiral."
Harm punched the elevator button repeatedly until his frustration got the best of him, and he headed towards the stairwell and started quickly down the stairs. He rushed out of the building to his SUV. The adrenaline rush faded as he stopped to get his keys from his pocket to unlock the vehicle. His hand was shaking so that he couldn't get the key into the lock. He felt his back begin to tighten as he tried to slow his breathing. An attack of coughing sent painful spasms throughout his back. 'Not now dammit.' He managed to get the door unlocked and slid into the vehicle. He laid his head back against the support of the seat and waited for the pain to pass when he heard the tapping against his window. He looked up to see Mac looking at him with a worried expression. "Harm, are you alright?"
He opened the window; "My life couldn't be better Mac. What do you want?" He bit back the pain with sarcasm.
Ignoring the comment, "I didn't realize you were coming back today."
"I'm just passing through. Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be getting married?"
Mac frowned as she noticed he still sounded angry, "I wanted to wait until after your inquiry. The Admiral asked me to stick around and help out."
He leaned back again and shook his head in disgust, "Tell Mic I sorry I screwed up your wedding plans that was never my intent. I better get the hell out of here before the Admiral sends the MP's over."
Harm cranked his car and pealed out of the parking lot leaving a very confused Sarah Mackenzie standing in the empty parking space.
****
Staff conference room
JAG Headquarters
The next day
"The last case, as you all are aware of, concerns Commander Rabb's mishap." the Admiral held the file in his hand.
"Sir, I would like to represent the Commander." Mac spoke up.
"I would like to assist the Colonel, Sir." Bud added quickly.
"Major Elliot from Miramar will be representing the Commander. I have asked Lt. Sims to assist the Major."
"But Sir, Lt. Roberts and I have assisted the Commander with numerous mishap investigations. I respectfully ask that you reconsider your assignment on this case." Mac persisted.
"The Commander requested representation outside of this office." The Admiral stated flatly to a surprised Colonel and Lt. "If there is no other business this meeting is adjourned. Colonel, Lt. in my office now."
"Yes Sir."
"Yes Sir."
**************
In the Admiral's office
"The Commander is probably wise to request outside representation. The media is trying to turn this into a 'Fleecing of America' episode like it is. If there is even a hint of impropriety in this investigation or the hearing the media will be screaming cover up." The Admiral explained tiredly.
"But Sir" Mac broke in.
"Mac, you especially need to stay out of it and away from the commander until this is all cleared up!"
Bud looked confused, "But why Sir?"
The Admiral sighed deeply, "There has been speculation that the Commander took an unnecessary risk to fly back to attend the Colonel's wedding. There are also rumors that he was flying back to try to prevent the wedding from occurring." The Admiral responded.
Mac's mouth dropped open. "But Sir that is ludicrous! I realize he was flying back to be able to attend my wedding, but he was cleared to fly. The weather moved in faster than predicted. We all know that Harm is an excellent pilot."
"The bottom line is that the pilot makes the decision to fly or not unless he receives a direct order which in this case he didn't. There is a real possibility that Harm will lose his flight status." The Admiral replied in a serious tone.
"I don't understand why the Commander can't continue his duties at JAG in the meantime?" Bud asked.
"Like I explained to the Commander, it is in his best interest to keep his distance away from this office until after the inquiry." the Admiral added sharply. "This decision was made from a higher authority."
"So God is telling JAG how to run its business now." Bud muttered without thinking.
"Lt. you are close to being reprimanded for insubordination!" The Admiral yelled.
"Sorry Sir, Yes Sir!"
"You are dismissed." The Admiral watched his two officers exit the room and chuckled to himself, 'That sounded like something Harm would have said.'
***********
Mac sat in her office reading the document in her hand for the third time and realized she couldn't even remember whose file it was. She dropped it on her desk and massaged her temples in attempt to push her headache away.
Harriet tapped gently at her door. Mac looked up to see both of the Roberts entering her office. "Colonel Mackenzie, can we talk privately with you?"
"Sure." She gestured for them to sit while Bud closed the door behind them.
"We just wanted to see how you are doing? This has been a difficult time for you with Harm's crash and your wedding plans being postponed. Is their anything we can do?" Harriet offered.
"Thanks, but no." Mac smiled appreciatively.
"Have you and Mic set a new date? I called him to meet me for lunch, but he made some excuse and begged off." Bud added.
Mac sighed, "I told him I wanted to wait until Harm's inquiry is over."
"I'll bet that went over like a lead balloon." Bud chuckled.
"Bud!" Harriet swatted his arm.
"I just meant that...well you know...Mic has always been jealous of Harm." Bud blurted out.
Mac leaned her chin into hand and closed her eyes; "Does everyone think that there is something for Mic to be jealous over?" Mac said incredulously.
Harriet and Bud looked at each other and then nodded affirmatively.
"Mac, remember when I was helping you put on your wedding gown. You were so unhappy because you thought that Harm was going to miss your wedding."
"Harm is like family to me." Mac replied defensively.
"Don't tell me you think of him as a brother. Even I don't think of Harm as a brother." Harriet laughed and noticed Bud giving her an odd look.
"I don't know how I feel about Harm. It's complicated." Mac moaned and remembered a certain discussion on the Admiral's porch the night of her engagement party.
****
FLASHBACK
"You make simple things complicated." Mac had pointed out to Harm. "You make complicated things too simple." He had replied. 'I guess it's my turn to make things complicated.' Mac thought but was brought out of her reverie by Bud.
"I feel badly that we can't be more supportive to the Commander." Bud was saying.
"This has got to be hard for him. First there was that ramp strike where his RIO was killed and now this. At least no one was killed." Harriet added.
"I'll bet that crash gets brought up again." Mac winced. "I think that is one of the reasons Harm still flies. I think he has to prove to himself that he is a good pilot."
"He was really upset the day the Admiral relieved him of his duties. Have you talked with him?" Harriet asked.
"I caught him in the parking lot. He wasn't in the mood to talk." Mac replied.
"I tried calling him but got his machine. I figured he must have gone over to Renee's." Bud admitted.
"Renee had to go to Los Angeles this week for a shoot." Harriet Remembered.
"Damn, I should have gone by to check on him." Mac picked up her phone and punched a number on her speed dial. "Harm, pick up its Mac." She listened as the answer machine relayed its spill then spoke, "Harm, this is Mac. Give me a call when you get in. It doesn't matter what time."
*************
Harm woke up when he heard his phone and listened to Mac's voice. He reached for his bedside phone and realized the battery was dead. By the time he reached the phone in his kitchen she had hung up. He debated whether to return her call and decided he didn't want to have to respond to any questions about how he was. She really didn't care; if she did she would have called earlier. He started to mash the delete button, but pressed the rewind button instead and listened to her voice one more time.
'You have someone who loves you.' Her words burned in his thoughts. Yea right. Those were the words of the same woman who said she wanted more on a ferry in Australia and because he didn't jump into bed with her that night within twenty-four hours took an engagement ring from another man. He pressed the delete messages button and walked back to his bedroom. I don't need you Sarah Mackenzie.
****
Thursday, the day before the Inquiry
Immediate Care Clinic
Harm pulled on his shirt while the young physician jotted down notes on a chart.
"Mr. Rabb, your bronchitis has apparently not improved, and I think you may have a ruptured disc or possible fracture in you lumbar spine. I want to send you to..." He stopped and flipped through the chart. "Bethesda for an MRI. I can contact them for you if you wish."
"That's not necessary. I have a follow up soon," as Harm started towards the door.
"I have some prescriptions for you: another antibiotic, a muscle relaxer and something for the pain. Don't try to drive when you take the muscle relaxer or the pain medication." He added and handed Harm the small slips of paper. "Do you need an excuse to release you from work responsibilities until you see the doctors at Bethesda? "
"No." Harm added flatly and walked slowly out of the examination room.
He drove himself back to his apartment and eased out of his SUV. The pain was becoming unbearable. He leaned heavily against the open door panting softly. His right leg didn't want to cooperate as he pushed himself towards his apartment door. The keys to his apartment door fell to the floor as he fumbled with them trying to unlock the door. Shit! Slowly he bent at his knees and picked up the keys while his left hand held on to the doorknob for support. Sweat dripped down his neck as he tried to return to a standing position. Unable to tolerate the pain he knelt down on his left knee. An observer would have thought he was preparing to pray at his entryway and that would have been partially true. 'God, please just help me make it a few more steps.'
**************
The irritating sound wouldn't go away. Harm moaned and slapped His alarm clock, which didn't stop the unrelenting sound. The Answering machine finally brought a halt to the noise.
"Harm, pick up if you're there!"
His mind was still cloudy from the medications as he reached for his phone, "Mac?"
"No. Try again Flyboy." Renee's voice answered.
"Renee?" He slurred.
"Hey have you been having a party without me?" Renee joked.
"No, I was just sleeping."
"Well you need to get moving. Isn't your hearing this morning?"
"Yea, what time is it?"
"Do you want California time or DC time?"
Harm smiled into the phone. She sounded like Mac. "DC."
"0800, so you better get the lead out of it Mister." She teased.
"Aye aye Ma'am." He returned the banter. Renee could always make him laugh. "I wish you were here." He added with emotion.
"Harm, are you alright? I can catch the next flight out of here And be there early this afternoon." She added with concern.
"No don't do that. I'm fine really. I just miss you." His voice lacking the conviction he wanted.
"I miss you too. This shoot is supposed to wrap up today or tomorrow and then I will tie up any loose ends. I hope to be home by the weekend. Break a leg."
"I'll see you then." He sounded stronger.
Renee hung up the phone and then picked it up again dialing in another number.
"May I speak to Colonel Mackenzie."
Colonel Mackenzie." Mac held the phone to her ear as she sorted through several files with her free hand.
"Mac, this is Renee." the voice took Mac a little by surprise.
"Renee, how can I help you?"
"I just called to check on Harm and wish him luck." There was a pause before she continued. "Is everything okay? He sounded depressed."
"Renee, I haven't really talked with him. I've tried calling several times, but all I get is his answering machine."
"I thought you would be defending him or whatever you do for his Inquiry."
"Harm requested outside legal assistance. He has a really sharp JAG attorney from Miramar."
"Oh."
"But I plan to check in on him today before the hearing. It will be closed, so I can't sit in."
"I see. Maybe I should try to fly back tonight."
"I thought you were on an important job."
"It definitely has opened some doors for some major career Opportunities. I haven't said anything to Harm, but they want me to direct a series for next season."
"That's great Renee, Congratulations!"
"I don't know that I will take it. There is more to life than a career you know." She adds with a hint of humor.
"You and Harm are...more serious?" Mac tried to disguise the Disappointment. "We are getting there."
"Look Renee, I'll check on Harm and call you this afternoon."
"Thanks Mac, and by the way have you scheduled a new date?"
"New date?"
"Yours and Mic's wedding date?"
"Oh no...Mic suggested eloping, but I don't know."
"Hey that's the way I want to do it. No waiting around for me!"
"I guess I better go." Mac hung up the phone and looked at it as if it was snake about to bite her.
"Ma'am, are you alright?" Tiner stood at the door watching the officer.
"Tiner?"
"The Admiral would like to see you and Lt. Roberts in his office."
**************
The Admiral stood looking down into the parking lot from his office window. He noticed several reporters and a cameraman milling around.
"As you both know today is Commander Rabb's mishap hearing and you may have passed several of the reporters from NBC and CNN stalking members of the panel and witnesses as they attempt to enter the building. I posted a Marine guard to watch for Commander Rabb so that he can be escorted inside without being attacked!" The Admiral added sharply.
Bud's eyes grew large as he watched the Admiral pass from the window to the seating area. "Does the Commander know about all of this?"
"Hell, I should I know! I haven't talked with him in days! He's dealt with the media before!"
"Yea, he called the last reporter an idiot." Mac added.
"Rabb certainly knows how to win friends and influence...oh never mind. The reason I called you in is that I talked with Captain Ingles last night. He told me the SecNav is putting pressure on him to file charges against Harm for reckless endangerment as well as unlawful destruction of Naval Property. "
"Is Captain Ingles going to do that?" Mac responded.
"He doesn't want too. He told me he believes that the mishap was a result of the bad weather and mechanical failure, but the SecNav can override Captain Ingles' recommendation."
The Admiral walked back to the window, "He's here." The other two officers joined him at the window in time to see Harm being swarmed by reporters.
"Commander, why were you flying back in a storm the night of May 25th!"
"No comment!"
"Commander how often do you fly Tomcats for the Navy?"
"No comment!"
"Do you and Colonel Mackenzie have a sexual relationship? Is that the reason she has not rescheduled her wedding?"
Harm stopped and turned angrily, "HELL NO."
The Marine guard cleared a path for Harm to the door as reporters continued to bombard Harm with questions.
Harm quickly darted into the restroom and turned the cold-water facet on. He splashed his face several times with the water and then opened a bottle of pills and shook one into his hand. He Swallowed it dry and then cupped his hand under the running water and drank the water.
"Harm."
The Admiral's voice startled him. Regaining his composure he reached for a paper towel and turned, "Admiral."
The Admiral had seen Harm dash into the restroom and followed him. He watched his officer grip the edge of the sink in pain and take a pill from a bottle that appeared to be prescribed.
"Are you up to this today?" The Admiral quizzed gently.
Harm nonchalantly placed the bottle in his pocket and drew a quick breath. "Today, tomorrow, what difference will it make, I want to get this over with. So if you will excuse me I have the Rabb hearing to attend." He chuckled sarcastically and moved towards the door.
"Commander, good luck."
Harm paused at the door and then pushed the door open without responding.
Mac hurried out of her office to try to catch Harm before he entered the room where the hearing was to be held. "Sarah!" Mic's voice brought her to an abrupt stop.
"Mic? I wasn't expecting you this morning." Mac said with a slight tone of irritation in her voice.
"I thought you would like to go for an early lunch."
"Mic, I told you today was Harm's hearing. I don't have time today." She glanced at her watch.
"Oh yes I forgot." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I see what Bud is up to."
"Mic, Bud will probably want to hang around also. Today is not a good day."
"No worry. I'll catch you later luv." A look of disappointment flashed across his face.
Mac walked Mic towards the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors opened a Naval petty officer stepped out and bumped into them. "Excuse me, Ma'am. Mic!"
"Eric Segal, this is Colonel Sarah Mackenzie my fiancée. " Mic shook the young man's hand. The petty officer appeared to be in his late twenties and smiled warmly. "Eric was one of my first clients" Mic went on to explain.
"If it weren't for Mic, I would have been shafted by the Navy. I saw your picture on Mic's desk. I thought you were supposed to get married at the end of May?" the young man seemed bewildered.
"There was an emergency, so we are having to reschedule." Mac replied. She watched the young man's gaze. His expression looked posed.
Smiling Eric responded, "I hope that you will be able make those Arrangements soon. From what Mic has told me, you two are made for each other."
"Thank you, if you will excuse me I need to meet someone." Mac turned to leave.
"Well! What brings you to JAG? You aren't in trouble again?" Mic chuckled.
"Actually, I'm here as a witness in a mishap investigation." Eric grinned.
"Commander Rabb's crash?"
"Yep, the one and only. I didn't realize his crash would interfere with your wedding plans." Eric said solemnly.
Mic looked at Eric oddly. "What did you say?"
"They are calling for me. Look good luck mate with your wedding plans. I'm sure Commander Rabb won't cause anymore complications in the future." Eric winked and walked into the courtroom.
************
"Harm!"
Harm looked up from the bench where he sat. "Mac."
"I just wanted to wish you luck before you went inside." Mac spoke trying to sound upbeat.
Harm thought about his words to Mac before he left to go to the Patrick Henry...'Aren't you going to wish me good luck?' "You are a little late aren't you." He mumbled and resumed staring at some point on the wall across from where he sat.
Mac winced at his words and opened her mouth to rebuff his statement, but took a deep breath instead. "I guess I've never been very good a wishing you luck." She remembered the time when he was leaving JAG to return to flying. 'Why not good luck.'
When he didn't' respond she started to speak again, but stopped as she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. His eyes looked glassy and held the armrest of the bench tightly.
"Renee called. She's worried about you." Mac eased next to him.
"She called me too." He said flatly.
Before Mac could say anything else, Bud Roberts walked up. "Commander, I just wanted to wish you good luck."
Harm looked up and snapped, "Luck doesn't have a damn thing to do with anything."
"I didn't mean to imply that you needed luck." Bud responded Remorsefully.
"Don't you two have work to do? You have my caseload as well as your own."
"That wasn't by choice Harm. If you are pouting because the Admiral suspended you then you can just wallow in self pity alone." Mac spat and walked away. Bud watched uncomfortably but did not leave.
Buds took Mac's seat and sat quietly stealing a glimpse of the man whom he considered his mentor noticing the lines of fatigue around his eyes or were they from pain?
"Commander Rabb" The Marine guard called Harm into the hearing.
Bud stood with Harm as he headed into the courtroom. Harm stopped and looked back at Bud. Bud gave an encouraging smile, and Harm nodded before entering the room.
************
Mac stormed through the bullpen and entered her office slamming the door behind her. She picked up the first thing she could put her hands on and slammed it to the floor. The sound of glass shattering brought Harriet Sims into the office unannounced.
"Colonel, are you okay."
"No, I'm not! I don't know what is up his six, but if I had my choice, it would be my right foot! Good luck! My ass! He thinks that when something bad happens to him that it is all my fault!" Mac ranted and paced in her office.
"Are we talking about Mic or Harm?" Harriet asked meekly.
"What does Mic have to do with Harm?"
"Harm blamed you for his crash?" Harriet asked incredulously.
"He didn't come out and say it." Mac began to calm down, "He just is being..."
"Stubborn?" Harriet finished.
"No, I think he is hurting and won't let me help him." Mac said softly as all the anger she had felt seemed to dissipate.
"Bud is like that sometimes. When Baby Sarah died, he shut me out. "
"I'm sorry Harriet I didn't mean to unload on you." Mac responded compassionately.
"I'm glad you did. I can't count the number of times I've come to you and Harm." Tears formed in her eyes. "I think Harm maybe overwhelmed right now. He's always been the strong one for everybody else. You are the only one who he's ever let help him."
"Well not anymore. He has Renee now."
"And you have Mic." Harriet added.
Mac smiled half-heartedly. "I guess I need to pick up. Oh great!" Mac picked up the broken frame that held Mic's picture and smiled sheepishly at Harriet.
*****
"Commander Rabb, this board finds you negligent in the performance of your duties in the crash of an F 14 Tomcat on May 25. This board also recommends that charges be filed regarding reckless endangerment and misuse of Navy property. A date will be set for the court martial. Dismissed."
The numbness he felt this time was from the shock of the outcome of the hearing. He knew that there was a possibility that the board would vote against him, but he knew without a doubt that he had done nothing wrong. Mechanically he started to walk out of the room to be met by Bud who had never left the bench outside the courtroom. Major Elliot began to talk about their defense strategy only to be dismissed. "Not now Major." The Marine standing guard had forewarned Bud of the outcome as soon as the doors opened and the participants began to exit. Bud tried to think of what to say and realized that Harm didn't need a reassuring cliché, but maybe just a friend.
Harm paused when Bud walked up. "I've been charged with reckless Endangerment and misuse."
"I'm sorry. The court martial will bring out the facts more clearly. Why don't you let me drive you home." Bud ached for his friend.
"Thanks, I would rather be alone." Harm replied quietly and walked away.
Bud's cell phone rang, "LT. Roberts, oh hi Mic...yes I tried to reach you yesterday to see if you wanted to eat lunch ... today ...well." Bud watched his friend walk away. He struggled with a need to go after Harm, but felt unsure about intruding on his privacy.
"Come on mate! I'm in the parking lot now. "
"Well alright," Bud smiled at the persistence of his Aussie friend.
Harm plowed through even more reporters than the ones he faced when he arrived.
"Commander is it true you will be facing a court martial for your actions involving the crashed Tomcat?"
"This is the second time you have crashed a 40 million dollar aircraft. Do you expect to get off this charge also?"
"Commander ...Commander"
The words seemed to blend as the frenzy of reporters and cameramen blocked his path to his vehicle. Two Marine guards finally intervened and escorted the frustrated Commander to his SUV.
Harm drove out of the gate and pulled over as soon as he outdistanced the news people. He dug into his pocket and opened the bottle of pain pills and swallowed one. He waited to pull back into traffic and spotted Mic's car with Bud riding with him. They were stopped at a red light. Bud was talking and Mic was laughing. Harm felt a twinge of jealousy and betrayal as he saw the two drive away without a care in the world.
The Admiral looked up to see his yeoman standing at attention, "Yes, Tiner."
"Major Elliot would like to speak with you."
The Admiral removed his reading glasses and gave the Marine a quick assessment, "Major, what can I do for you?"
The handsome thirty something-young man stood stiffly before the Admiral. He was a typical spit and polish Marine, but had a touch of arrogance in his demeanor. "Sir, I just wanted to give you an update on Commander Rabb's case."
"I understand that the Commander has been charged and will face a court martial."
"Yes Sir, I will meet with the Commander and determine the best course to take."
"Major, the best course for your client is to prove him innocent of all charges!" the Admiral said in a deadly calm manner.
"With all due respect Sir, I will do everything in my power to protect the image of the Navy while keeping my client out of Leavenworth."
"Major your job is to defend your client. The image of the Navy is not your concern do I make myself perfectly clear." Admiral Chegwidden was now standing within inches of the Marine.
"Yes Sir!"
"Dismissed!"
The younger officer whipped crisply around and strolled out of the office while the Admiral gaze bore into his back.
*************
Harm waited uncomfortably at the café. Soon Jim Elliot walked into the establishment and scanned the room until he spotted Harm. Harm did not stand to greet the officer, but a waitress quickly scurried up to take the Marine's order.
Elliot opened his notebook and intently began, "Commander, I have reviewed all the evidence and feel that perhaps you should consider other alternatives to a court martial."
"What do you mean?" Harm responded.
Elliot took a deep breath and cocked his head to the side, "Commander, I believe that you should consider resigning your commission. I talked with the prosecution and they would be willing to drop the charges and accept a letter of resignation with forfeiture of benefits."
"But I didn't intentionally crash that aircraft!" Harm's voice was loud enough to draw attention to them from the other patrons.
"The bottom line is that you were in command of that aircraft and made the decision to fly into a storm that precipitated the crash that almost killed yourself and Lt. Hawkes destroying another 40 million dollar aircraft!" Elliot leaned over the table and spoke quietly.
Harm felt a sudden tinge of guilt that Skates had been placed in Danger. Elliot observed Harm's demeanor and continued, "Look Commander, I know you didn't get into that aircraft with the intent to crash in the ocean that would have been suicidal." Elliot waited for a reaction.
Harm rubbed his hand over his eyes feeling suddenly tired.
"Think about it. If we take this to court martial, not only will we have to prove without a shadow of a doubt that you make all the correct decisions that night, but that there was no underlying motives that would have made you take the risks you took." Elliot pushed.
"Just what motives do you think I had?" Harm frowned.
"It is not what I think that counts, but what the court believes and what the press wants everyone to believe." Elliot replied.
"They make me out to be some sort of marriage wrecking, incompetent son of a bitch." Harm shook his head.
"Take my advice and get out before this thing gets any bigger than it is." Elliot closed his notebook and stood to leave. "The court martial has been scheduled for a week from next Monday."
Sunday afternoon Renee using her key let herself in Harm's apartment. "Hello anyone home?" She called out quietly and walked in dropping her bags on the sofa. The apartment was silent until a congested sounding cough alerted Renee to where its occupant was. "Harm?" She proceeded into his bedroom to find him sleeping. Sitting carefully on the edge of his bed she brushed his forehead and was immediately alarmed by the heat.
"Harm, wake up." She shook him gently.
A drowsy Harm responded without opening his eyes. "Mac?" She would have felt jealous, but his appearance was alarming.
"No try again, Harm come on wake up. You are scaring me." Renee persisted.
Finally he opened his eyes and focused on Renee. "Renee, I thought you weren't coming back until Sunday." He started to push himself up, but groaned and fell back against his pillow.
"It is Sunday. How long have you been sick? Have you seen a doctor?" She continued assessing.
"Yea, I saw a doctor ...on the day before my hearing. He gave me some more pills." Harm struggled to focus.
Renee picked up a couple of bottles that sat on his bedside table, "This one looks like an antibiotic, that obviously isn't working. What is this other one for?"
"My back, I hurt my back when I ejected." He replied and closed his eyes ready to return to sleep.
"Harm you need to go back to the doctor. This medication isn't working. Come on and get up." Renee started to pull him gently.
"Renee just let me sleep. I'll be better tomorrow." Harm replied Irritably.
"You don't even know what day tomorrow is now get up or I'll call an ambulance." Renee threatened.
Harm sighed heavily and pushed himself up groaning as he tried to stand. Renee helped him dress and guided him to his SUV.
Later at Bethesda, Renee sat impatiently in the emergency room waiting room. A nurse finally directed her to the cubicle where Harm lay on a stretcher.
"I'm Captain Fletcher, it looks like the bronchitis that Commander Rabb had from a few weeks ago has progressed to pneumonia. He probably wasn't coughing or deep breathing effectively because of the pain from what appears to be a Ruptured disc. I'm having a neurosurgeon see him and we are going to take him for a MRI. There is a possibility that he may have fractured his spine in the crash a couple of weeks ago and it was missed in the initial work up. His pneumonia has to be Cleared up before the surgeon is going to do anything." The man in the blue scrubs explained.
Harm felt too badly to ask questions or really care at the moment. Renee looked down and picked up his hand. "What would a neurosurgeon do?" She asked the doctor.
"If I'm right, Commander Rabb will have to have a laminectomy with a spinal fusion using a bone graft to stabilize the vertebra." Captain Fletcher responded.
"That means I can't fly Tomcats off of carriers anymore." Harm mumbled and closed his eyes to momentarily escape.
Renee looked from Harm to the doctor, who nodded his head in agreement, "Commander we'll get you settled in a room soon and start some IV antibiotics and something for the pain." He then Exited the room leaving Renee alone with Harm.
"Maybe it's not as bad as the doctor thinks." Renee tried to reassure.
"It doesn't really matter anymore. I was going to get grounded or worse anyway." Harm replied tiredly. All he wanted to do was to sleep and never wake up.
***
A soft knock on the door brought Renee over to greet the Admiral, Mac, Bud and Harriet. "Come on in the nurse just got through restarting his IV and it took several tries so Harm is not in the best of moods."
Covers in hand, the foursome walked over to Harm's bedside. Harm was fidgeting with tape covering his IV site. "I don't Think you need to bother that Harm." Mac reached over and Pulled his hand away. Harm looked up and gave her a confused Look. His eyes were glazed from the effects of the medication.
"Wellll if it isn't Sarah Mackenzie." Harm slurred sarcastically.
"Hey Sailor, how are you feeling." Mac said compassionately.
"Just terrific and you have that allllll wrong!" He chuckled. "I'm not a sailor anymore."
The visitors looked at one another sharing a bewildered look.
Renee shrugged her shoulders when the Admiral looked to her for an interpretation. "Yep, I cut that lifeline Colonel! I resigned my commission!" Harm reached for a cup on the over bed table that was just out of his reach.
"Harm, when did you do this. Major Elliot didn't inform me." The Admiral moved closer and handed Harm the cup of water he was reaching for.
Harm made a gesture as if he was about to make a toast. "To the best interest of the Navy...to you Admiral who has always treated me like the son he never wanted...no more jokes about shooting that gun in the courtroom." Harm almost spilt his water if Bud wouldn't have intervened and grabbed it away.
"Thanks Bud ole Buddy. I'm disappointed in you. It took me three years to get you out of my six, and what do you go and do! You climb up Bugme's six so deep that only the bottoms of your shoes show." Harm continued to babble irritably.
The Admiral was speechless while Bud stood with his mouth open. Mac and Harriet suppressed a chuckle. But Harm was not finished. "You know the only two ladies in this room with any class are Harriet and Renee." Mac's amused grin quickly faded, as she knew she would be next in line for his verbal assault.
"Admiral? What do you call a woman who propositions you one minute and when you try to treat her like a lady she jumps in bed with another guy?" Harm laid back into his pillow and chuckled sarcastically. Mac blushed with embarrassment.
Renee intervened, "Harm, I think you need to rest."
"No! I'm not finished! Oooh!" He had jerked up and the sudden movement sent a painful spasm throughout his back. Renee picked up the remote to the PCA pump and pressed it giving Harm a small dose of pain medication through his IV.
"We better go." the Admiral said quietly.
"You know the reason I survived that night in the Atlantic?" Harm said sleepily. "Because I had all that practice swimming in the cold with the sharks at JAG." With that he succumbed to the medication's effects and fell asleep.
Renee followed the stunned JAG officers out of Harm's room. "I don't know what to say." She said apologetically.
"I guess the Commander will breath a lot easier after getting all of that off his chest." The Admiral said with a quirky smile.
As the Admiral, Mac, Bud and Harriet walked towards the elevator the Admiral asked, "I don't mention the gun episode that much, do I?"
"You didn't mention it in the last two staff meetings." Bud piped up.
"Harm wasn't at the last two meetings." the Admiral frowned.
"I wasn't up the Commander's six, was I?" Bud stammered.
Mac, Harriet and the Admiral looked at each other and then the Admiral said matter of factly while pressing the elevator button, "Roberts, I didn't know what you looked like there for awhile you were so far gone."
The others giggled until Bud's eyes grew wide as he looked at Mac," He was talking about Australia!"
Harriet stomped on Bud's foot. "Oww, why did you do that?" Bud Retorted. Mac avoided eye contact and stepped into the elevator.
The Admiral gave Mac a surprised look and chuckled. "No wonder Harm looked shocked at the airport in Sydney"
"Do you think the Commander really resigned?" Harriet interjected to give Mac a break.
"I'm going to find Major Elliot and figure out what is going on." The Admiral replied sternly.
"Sir there is something I think you should know." Harriet said quietly.
The Admiral stood nose to nose with Major Elliot. "Would you care to explain why you recommended Commander Rabb resign his commission, and why wasn't I informed of this decision."
"I felt that the Commander would fair better if he resigned Rather than face the possibility of brig time Sir! I talked With the Commander on Friday afternoon. He called me on Saturday of his decision. As his defense attorney I believe this is in his best interest." Elliot maintained his stance at attention as the Admiral grilled him.
"You were on this case for less than a week! What makes you think you have all the facts. Did you question the maintenance crew from the Patrick Henry, Have you gotten any reports back on the wreckage? Just what the hell did you base your conclusion on?" The Admiral raged.
"I read all of the data and the results from the wreck were not conclusive, Sir!"
"Well that is not good enough! Did you happen to notice that your client was ill."
"I thought that maybe he was just stressed over the case. This was another reason I felt he should resign."
"So you just wanted to put him out of his misery?"
"No sir, well yes sir."
"Wrong answer Major. I should put you before a board of ethics! First of all the commander's resignation is invalid because he was under the influence of prescribed medication that possibly impaired his ability to make decisions. Secondly as his attorney you were influenced by the Secretary of the Navy's opinion about this case. I will deal personally with Mr. Nelson regarding that issue. You sir are no longer on this case! Do I make myself clear!"
"Yes Sir!"
"Now get the hell back to the West Coast, Major Idiot!"
The Major's expression remained blank as he swiftly exited the office to be met by Tiner who held up a plane ticket and smiled, "You transportation Sir. It's been a real experience Sir!"
The Gunny, Bud and Harriet stood to the side and laughed as the arrogant Major left the Admiral's office in a hurry.
"Major Idiot, that was priceless." Harriet chuckled. "I overheard him telling Singer how he wanted to move to DC so he would have a better opportunity for promotion. He also didn't realize Bud and I were married and said that he couldn't believe that Bud was assigned important cases because he thought Bud was an idiot!"
"Lt. Roberts! In my office now!" The Admiral's voice roared.
"Duty calls." Bud smiled.
"Lt. you will be assisting in the Commander's defense." The Admiral said as he read the data concerning Harm's crash. "I want you to head to the Patrick Henry and question anybody that had contact with that aircraft before take off."
"Aye aye Sir. Who will I be assisting?"
"Me, if the SecNav wants to play hardball then I want to play!"
"Aye aye Sir!" Bud smiled.
"I'm going to get an extension since the Commander will not be medically fit for duty or the court martial."
"Yes Sir and sir I'm sure the Colonel would like to assist."
The Admiral pulled off his glasses and sighed, "The Colonel doesn't need to get within two feet of this case."
Bud raised his eyebrows, "Yes Sir."
***********
Mac's Office
"Mic, I forgot about our lunch date." Mac looked apologetically at her fiancé noting his disappointed look.
"Second time in a week. I'm beginning to get a complex Sarah." Mic pouted.
"I'm sorry. I've just picked up a couple of Bud's cases and I can't turn lose, but I'll take a quick coffee break." Mac said sweetly.
Mic smiled, "Well I guess that will have to do. Why did you have to pick up Bud's cases. He's not ailing is he?"
"No the Admiral is having him assist with Harm's court martial." Mac explained. "Who's lead council?"
"The Admiral." Mac smiled.
"This should be interesting. The press is going to have a field day with that one." Mic added.
"All is fair in love and war." Mac raised an eyebrow. "Let's go get some coffee."
****
Several days later
National Naval Hospital at Bethesda
Harm pressed the remote control surfing each channel unable to find anything that interested him. He shifted uncomfortably in the lumbar traction that was used to reduce the pressure on the nerves in his back. He finally managed to find a position of comfort and set the TV channel on music only and shut his eyes contemplating his future. He decided he would refuse to feel sorry for himself. He must move on. Renee had stood by him throughout this whole fiasco. She loved him and would do anything for him. He cut loose one lifeline his Navy career, now it was time to let go of another. Sarah Mackenzie would always own a part of his heart, but he had to let go of the idea that someday they could have a life together. He belonged with Renee now. He could start over and move back to California. She had more and more jobs on the West Coast, and he was licensed to practice law in California. Maybe this was his destiny.
A knock at the door disturbed his thoughts. "Harm, how are you feeling?" the Admiral's voice was gentle and sincere.
"I'm better thanks for inquiring." Harm responded hesitantly.
"Mind if I sit down?"
"Sure."
"How's the back?"
"They want to fuse two of my vertebra with a bone graft." Harm explained.
The Admiral frowned in concern, "When are you to have this surgery?"
"They want to do it Friday if my lungs are clear enough."
"Did you call your mother and let her know?" The Admiral asked with raised eyebrows. He was concerned that Harm was playing down this hospitalization.
"Yea, I told her." Harm added without much emotion.
"Harm, I disregarded your letter of resignation. I don't think you thought this through."
Harm looked at the Admiral in surprise. Before Harm could respond the Admiral continued. "I dismissed Major Elliot and have assigned you new council. Mr. Roberts will be assisting me."
"Sir I appreciate this, but I don't know if I'm up to going through a court martial." Harm looked away.
"Dammit Harm, I didn't think you were a quitter!" The Admiral's voice rose in frustration.
"I'm not a quitter, maybe its time for me to move on with my life. I joined the Navy because I wanted to be able to relate to my father in some way. I don't need that anymore. I need a family of my own." Harm looked away from the Admiral.
"You could have a family and still serve as a JAG officer. Look at the Roberts. It is more than that isn't it?" The Admiral leaned back in his chair and watched Harm's demeanor appear more sullen.
"I used to think of the Navy as my family, but now maybe I feel a little betrayed. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but it seems that the Navy is hell bent to make me out to be some sort of reckless murdering bastard." Harm's voice faded.
"Well then Commander it is time to show the Navy that it is wrong. Look Harm the Navy is a living thing made up of all kinds of men and women who are human, and humans make mistakes. The Navy is already losing too many good men and women. If all the good men and women of our Navy leave then who will be left to defend our country? Commander...Harm, I may have not told you, that I believe you have more integrity than any of those who have served with me. I trust you without any reservation. I would hate to lose a good officer."
Harm replied softly, "Thank you Sir."
"You don't have to make a decision right now. Get through the surgery." The Admiral patted Harm on the shoulder and left.
**********
Renee pranced into Harm's room and bent over to kiss him lightly on the lips. "You look better today!" She smiled.
"I'm beginning to think I will live." Harm smiled in return and patted the mattress for her to sit close to him.
She eased along side of him and picked up one of his hands and held it between hers, "You look like something is on your mind. Spill it."
He smiled and squeezed her hand; "I don't deserve you."
"True and what other great revelations have you thought up?" She teased.
"What do you say about us getting married and moving to California?" Harm played with her hand as he spoke.
"You are serious aren't you?" Renee responded somewhat surprised.
"Yes, what do you say. I know you have more job opportunities there, and I could practice law. We would live closer to my parents."
"I'm actually speechless. Can you believe I'm speechless?"
"That I do find hard to believe." He chuckled and continued stroking her hand.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but could I have some time to think about this. I guess I want to make sure that all the drugs they have been pouring into you have not affected your mind." She grinned.
"I promise I'm pretty clear headed."
"Yea, you definitely are better than when the Admiral, Mac, Bud and Harriet came the other day. You said some very interesting things." Renee leaned closer to him and kissed him.
Harm looked at her bewildered. "I don't really remember them coming by."
"Well you told the Admiral that he could take this job and shove it, and you told Bud that he was stuck up Mic's ass. You then called Mac a slut. You didn't use those words exactly but everyone got the message."
Harm rubbed his face with his hand; "Oh shit!"
"They all kind of laughed about it. I think Mac was a little Embarrassed. Did she really proposition you?" Renee sounded a little jealous.
"That's a long story. I guess I wasn't too hard on the Admiral. He came by today and offered to be my trial council for the court martial if I decide to go through with it." Harm explained.
"Harm you need to fight this." Renee encouraged.
"I don't know."
"From all the stories I've heard from Mac, you never give up. Don't change now." She whispered.
"I guess I was pretty nasty to Mac. I haven't seen her since." Harm said sadly.
"Don't worry about Mac. I think she knows you weren't yourself. She and Mic are probably busy trying to figure out a new date for their wedding. She told me Mic wants to elope." Renee said and watched for Harm's reaction.
His look told her everything she suspected, "Elope?"
"Yea, you know when two people decide to run off and get married without all the whoopla."
"I just haven't had a chance to tell her...good luck." Harm said quietly and withdrew into his own thoughts.
*****
Friday 0600
Waiting area
Bethesda
The group that had gathered for Harm's surgery included the Chaplain who had been with the group the same night of Harm's crash, Renee, the Admiral, Bud, Harriet, Gunny, Tiner, Singer and Mac. Renee looked around the room and anxiously made the observation, "I'm having a little deja vu of you the rehearsal dinner."
Singer quickly added, "Except that Mic and Chloe aren't here."
The Admiral shot Singer a disapproving look.
"Chloe wants me to call as soon as Harm is out of recovery." Mac added nervously.
"Where is Mic?" Renee asked.
"He has court later today." Mac explained.
"Oh." Renee responded. The two women were obviously uncomfortable in each other's presence, but for Harm's sake they were trying to make the best of it.
A nurse exited Harm's room after giving him his preoperative medication. "You can go in now. Surgery will be up in a little while to get him."
The group stood and looked to Renee for an indication that it would be all right to enter the room.
"I'll go let him know all of you are here." She excused herself and headed into his room.
"Harm, you have some visitors who came to wish you well. Would you like for them to come in?" Renee asked gently.
Harm was a little drowsy as the preoperative medication began to take effect. "Sure, I just hope I can stay awake."
Renee kissed him lightly on the forehead and left to get the others.
Everyone filed into the room and stood around Harm's bed. With his eyelids at half-mast, Harm looked at the group. "Who is watching the store?"
"The store won't open for business for several more hours, Commander." The Admiral smiled. "We just wanted to make sure you weren't giving the nurses as much trouble as you give us." The Admiral joked, but then added more seriously, "We all wanted to make sure that your surgery goes well."
"With this many lawyers, I'm sure the doctors will do everything in their power to insure that everything goes well." Tiner interjected seriously, while bringing a chuckle from the others.
The Chaplain spoke up, "Just in case the doctors are not intimidated by all the legal presence, Commander would you mind if I lead in a prayer for you before you go into surgery?"
Harm nodded, and the Chaplain began to pray, "Our most merciful Father, we ask that you watch over Harmon Rabb and guide the surgeons and the nurses as they use their talents to bring about healing. We thank you for returning the Commander from the cold dark ocean and for all the blessings you have given us. In our precious Lord's name, Amen."
"Amen." The others echoed.
Two surgical techs dressed in green scrubs entered the room signaling the visitors to take their leave. Renee leaned over to give Harm a quick kiss. Mac remained in the corner until the others and departed and then walked over to the bed. Harm was struggling to keep his eyes open. She stood quietly and reached for his hand. He squeezed it and spoke, "I'm sorry about the other day. Just add it to my list of weak moments." His eyes closed as he gave in to the sedation.
Mac looked sadly at her sleeping partner. "I need for you to promise me that I wouldn't ever lose you."
"Excuse me ma'am we need to take Mr. Rabb now." One of the techs interrupted.
Several hours later the surgeon found the group that had waited patiently for word on Harm's surgery. "Commander Rabb's surgery went well. We fused two of his lumbar vertebra with a bone graft from his hip. There was minimal blood lost and his lungs sound fine. We plan to keep him in recovery for another hour and then will move him back to his room. He will be pretty well sedated for most of the day."
Most of the JAG staff began to leave, "I want to stay until Harm gets back to his room." Mac informed the Admiral.
"Fine, you can call and update us." The Admiral replied and left.
Mac looked to Renee, "You want to go eat breakfast in the cafeteria?"
"Sure, I need to call Harm's mom first." Renee nodded and smiled.
"Sure."
"This is awkward." Renee replied tensely.
"Yes it is." Mac smiled in return.
"I'll go call." Renee replied.
Several minutes later in the cafeteria the two women settled Into a table and began to mostly play with the food on their Trays.
"So have you and Mic set a new date." Renee opened.
"Not really." Mac answered and sipped her coffee.
"Harm proposed." Renee added matter of factly.
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